My husband and I are together since age 25, 26 he was blue collar guy then worked in an office after being there a few years, I went to start picking him up here in summertime with our kids but never went in. That same summer I met a coworker friend at the Amusement park we took our kids, she was plain, bit rough personality,but when my husband said she had the week off bc she didn't wanna be there when he wasn't- it was a yellow flag.
He was a Heating service mgr , she was a service dispatcher- he said she was going for the dispatch manager job- my mouth flew open, I said" that wouldn't be good for our marriage". Had not talked of her, but I did notice in late May the nxt spring a name Steve on his personal phone(work ppl call it, most guys) one Name didn't look too familiar, so I scrolled through our old phone and it was that woman.
I called and yelled what's happening here?. He came right home and claimed he just put Name STEVE that(instead of Steph) in there bc he knew I didn't like her when I met her. He had been training her bc she got that position. I was upset bc it didn't make sense to me, but he even laughed it off, He said it was only professional. I said you need to let me see both phones, emails, he complies. He then gave me it one night and I saw- 3 weeks later, she had texted after work, a work related item and He asked her: if she had picked up her kid? She then went on and on about her ex, her kid and telling her kids something, stuff you tell a girlfriend, he hardly said anything in reply. I told him he was insensitive bc he said it was professional and that talk only is for friends. I told him he's gonna have to leave job - he was surprised ( I felt she was coming on to him) , He stated just needed to stay yr to get our home. I cried on/ off that summer but held in a lot too.
We looked for House but couldn't find one-1st time buyers. We went on vaca by ourselves , 1st time in yrs, she txted one time about work, that irked me but that's it.
That summer she started texting his Work phone at night, 9 or 10, but just YOUTUBE videos.. but this bothered me . Hubby said he would tell her to stop, she didn't Stop, she continued to txt dumb utube 3 /5x a week, one real txt in Jul on a Sunday said,,,I got a secret, he said it bc what there Boss says all the time.
July I saw a stupid email from another coworker- her friend, sent a music utube :love song, to BOTH of them. I wrote person thru his email as if I was him to ask abt music vid she said it was to go with some other thing but video was ARMSOF AN ANGEL.
Then in August Steph sent photo of sign when she was w then boyfriend and kids- hub went in to work and in it in front of others told her STOP txting. A few months no txts then early December she called phone when we were out on his lunch brk. Hubby said I don't know why she's calling, its her day off/well I texted back ( w his blessing)this is his wife , you can txt his work phone this is his personal phone, she wrote back :"I thought it was for work "
***pls stay w me, this is the next yr 2016 the story turns soon. He left phone on following spring,I heard him tell dirty joke to Guy and heard her laugh too, called him back, mad that he talked like that in front of her. He was mad that I was upset but came home bc I said I'd be going to his work. He said I got to stop. I was ready to confront her on the I got a secret text from b4. I didn't. June came around and I saw a silly IM on his laptop, about candy crush, I told her stop this bc its not classy to be texting married coworker, and didn't appreciate her texting at night before too. She apologized. but also said pls do not contact me again.
This is where it was weird/upset me bc he said he'd say something to Steph about it,,, but when he came home at night he said NO I didn't mention it to her.. that hurt me very much. I felt that this was his chance to show me he was in agreement that she shouldn't txt. So I decided to start put Cell w Recorder in bag,, found nothing about passion or meeting up but he was talking dirty directly about her, He does talk this way to me since we met and in mixed company of friends at times about women but still, I didn't like his :jokes. He said in front of others at mtg.- "I picture you w this Guy technician behind you doing you, haha"; she didn't laugh or say anything. I must of taped 10x but I knew by the 11th it may be found, I did it anyway, He erased almost all 10 recordings, but they never had them talking dirty back and forth.
* Theres also a video of him in attic, (part of his job inspecting heaters)he was clearly w another person, can see jacket also but claims it wasn't her, sounds a very breathy, like maybe bj,, her type of jacket, but everyone got them for gifts, claims it wasn't her. I realized to check FB POST from that date, she wrote on her face book regular stuff about xmas but added: thoughts go to other things ,, I'm glad I'm not an AngeL... so when I told him this was on her post same day as video ,hubby says I don't know what she means by that. I broke down in Dr office month ago, she put me on meds bc of situational anxiety, I needed it bc I've tortured myself too long.
Why wont he confess,,,,, he says he swears on his Dads and our kids souls he didn't cheat (physically) admits he was wrong to lie about her name or talk dirty in front of her, wish he yelled at her txting at night Early on but didn't realize it hurt me so much. The part is that in between I had found a small note that said --I am starving for you or Fast food restaurant. I did not confront him right away.
I waited weeks, then I asked he said he had no idea abt note, we had a rough rest of the yr but we bought our home, I reported stuff (nighttime tx hers, friends email)to HR under anonymous and that is when they both stopped communicating at all. Weeks later,he quit like he said he would, but only for 3 wks, bc they begged him to come back but he said NOT to that office, they made room for him in other office far away from original. I agreed but freaked out for a day bc I found out she had got promotion at original office.
Why wont he confess,,,,, he says he swears on his Dads and our kids souls he didn't cheat (physically) admits he was wrong to lie about her name or talk dirty in front of her, didn't realize it hurt me so much.
BTW I pretended I was friend of mine,recently asked STEPH by txt outright - she said no, he was just a friend and that's it. Why would she tell truth! She doesn't wanna lose face at her job.
Does everyone believe he is lying. I need opinions...
He is not most sensitive person I said call therapist, he says yes to therapy but also what hurts , saying he was hardly talking w her when he actually talked dirty. He didn't stand up for us when he should have. I think that hurts as much as anything. He says he was out of breathe. Now he's been lovely dovey after being pretty rude/ impatient last summer when Id question him about things,,,We raised our older sons together early on and have 1 high function autistic son and 1 daughter both teens.
He says sorry about making me worry b4. when I bring it up now but last yr was fed up w my questions ,was plain mean at times about that bc sick of hearing it. I have been thru all the motions, feelings, sadness, anger. What do I do, let it go...or separate for a while(kinda late for that) or just MCounsel+ Faith in him/us, Does any1 believe it was just friends..
Last edited by GoodGal; 02-23-2017 at 02:20 PM.