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post #16 of 80 (permalink) Old 02-26-2017, 05:58 AM
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Re: Another teacher sex story, it's like no one watches the news

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Some would take advantage,but was this a real wise decision that you made? There are reasons that these laws are in place aside from encountering a predator.

https://www.aacap.org/AACAP/Families...aking-095.aspx
It was only a bad idea in that horrible things would have happened to my fiance if we got caught. When I asked him, I was relatively certain we wouldn't get caught because we both had a lot to lose if we did! The law aside, my having sex with my 27-year-old fiancé at 17 would have been a very morally neutral thing to do and would not have damaged me psychologically any more than it would have if he had been 17 or if I had been 18.


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post #17 of 80 (permalink) Old 02-26-2017, 06:17 AM
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Re: Another teacher sex story, it's like no one watches the news

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It was only a bad idea in that horrible things would have happened to my fiance if we got caught. When I asked him, I was relatively certain we wouldn't get caught because we both had a lot to lose if we did! The law aside, my having sex with my 27-year-old fiancé at 17 would have been a very morally neutral thing to do and would not have damaged me psychologically any more than it would have if he had been 17 or if I had been 18.
So what would you suggest to identify real predators and hold them accountable? They are out there and can be subtle as opposed to extreme.

"Truth is like the sun,you can shut it out for a time,but it ain't going away"-Elvis
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post #18 of 80 (permalink) Old 02-26-2017, 07:36 AM
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Re: Another teacher sex story, it's like no one watches the news

I live relatively close to there. Culturally even closer. Most kids in "alternative" high Schools here, are considered "at risk", which is a nice euphemism for just about to flunk out. Most of them are substance abusers of some sort. But, and this is the bit that has me shaking my head, most of the teachers in these schools are top notch very experienced educators. This perp looks like she went straight from college to teaching troubled students. Not a very wise administrative decision.
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post #19 of 80 (permalink) Old 02-26-2017, 08:05 AM
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Re: Another teacher sex story, it's like no one watches the news

A teacher is in a position of power in regards to their students. I worked in a school with many students who due to receiving special education services were allowed to continue to be in school untilt the age of 21. Just because there is a small age difference between student and teacher that does not give a right to the teacher to take advantage of their position of power to "fall in love" or engage in any kind of sexual relationship with their students. There are laws in place and until they change one must follow the law. There is a code of ethics that educators must follow and if they cannot do so then maybe they need to accept the consequences of their actions.
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post #20 of 80 (permalink) Old 02-26-2017, 08:07 AM
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Re: Another teacher sex story, it's like no one watches the news

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What if it shouldn't be done to either sex? I met my husband when I was 15 and he was 25. We started going out when I was 16, and was engaged at 17. I offered to give myself to him a dozen times but he said no, not until I'm legal. If I had asked him and he'd said yes, he would have then committed a crime and been called a child sex offender. For having sex with his then-fiancee! That's messed up if you ask me.
He was ten years older than you. That is a red flag. There are things to consider. His and your mental abilities to understand what you were doing, whether or not you or he could get an sti or std, pregnancy and your abilities to rais a child and take care of yourselves on your own, the availability of you to get to a doctor if you got pregnant, and if you could afford to pay for diapers, medicines, formula and keep a roof over your heads.



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When I was barely fifteen I took lifeguard training classes,the instructor paired us off with people of similar height.I wasn't fully grown at that stage physically but mentally I was fully developed.I was put training with a girl called Denise who was seventeen.I suggested to her that we practice at my dads pool because the classes were only once a week.Well,I had a hell of a time with Denise and I don't mean swimming,but I never considered myself as a rape or sexual abuse victim.
Depends on age difference and many other factors, as well as your parents knowledge and permission. Apparently, they were okay with it and even encouraged it by allowing you two to practice without supervision. They knew and took a chance. You don't say how old she was.


Originally Posted by EllaSuaveterre View Post
It was only a bad idea in that horrible things would have happened to my fiance if we got caught. When I asked him, I was relatively certain we wouldn't get caught because we both had a lot to lose if we did! The law aside, my having sex with my 27-year-old fiancé at 17 would have been a very morally neutral thing to do and would not have damaged me psychologically any more than it would have if he had been 17 or if I had been 18.


Let's leave morals out of it and just deal with reality of what could happen, as I did above. He was way too old for you and your parents and his either knew and were okay with it, didn't care, or were hoping you would marry him and leave the home by 18. I say he was way too old in the same breath that I say, he may not have been if his mental and emotional development hadn't grown as a normal person's would.

Figure it this way. You hadn't even grown to know anything much about life and the hardships associated. You had really no clue. He should have had some clue at 27, unless he was living at home and didn't have any responsibilities yet. There is a lot missing here that could change the thoughts.


However, this article and thread is about teachers having sex with students. It's not about boys and girls and their sexual escapades while getting their first kiss. There is a pretty good size difference when a child, even at 17 is looking up to and believing what someone that is a representative of all of their past teachers combined, whom they had to follow and believe and take orders from.

That puts the teacher in the position of a trusted baby sitter, an uncle or aunt, or though it's a stretch to me, a parent. I say this simply because of the parents of students who will punish their child for not doing the homework their teacher gave them, for skipping classes, for talking in class and causing interruptions in the lessons. You see, parents backing what the teacher has to say let's the children know they are in charge and should be respected as if they were their parents during class time.

So, it's a little different than a boyfriend - girlfriend type of relationship, though, in some cases the age and maturity differences in boyfriends and girlfriends can be an issue. This type of relationship can be thwarted in some cases by the parents and how they have raised their children. It depends on a lot of things.

I didn't mean to say that you, Elle, or anyone else who had a May-December childhood dating relationship was wrong. Each, I think, has to be looked at on it's own merits in those instances.

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post #21 of 80 (permalink) Old 02-26-2017, 08:23 AM
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Re: Another teacher sex story, it's like no one watches the news

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He was ten years older than you. That is a red flag. There are things to consider. His and your mental abilities to understand what you were doing, whether or not you or he could get an sti or std, pregnancy and your abilities to rais a child and take care of yourselves on your own, the availability of you to get to a doctor if you got pregnant, and if you could afford to pay for diapers, medicines, formula and keep a roof over your heads.





Depends on age difference and many other factors, as well as your parents knowledge and permission. Apparently, they were okay with it and even encouraged it by allowing you two to practice without supervision. They knew and took a chance. You don't say how old she was.


Originally Posted by EllaSuaveterre View Post
It was only a bad idea in that horrible things would have happened to my fiance if we got caught. When I asked him, I was relatively certain we wouldn't get caught because we both had a lot to lose if we did! The law aside, my having sex with my 27-year-old fiancé at 17 would have been a very morally neutral thing to do and would not have damaged me psychologically any more than it would have if he had been 17 or if I had been 18.


Let's leave morals out of it and just deal with reality of what could happen, as I did above. He was way too old for you and your parents and his either knew and were okay with it, didn't care, or were hoping you would marry him and leave the home by 18. I say he was way too old in the same breath that I say, he may not have been if his mental and emotional development hadn't grown as a normal person's would.

Figure it this way. You hadn't even grown to know anything much about life and the hardships associated. You had really no clue. He should have had some clue at 27, unless he was living at home and didn't have any responsibilities yet. There is a lot missing here that could change the thoughts.


However, this article and thread is about teachers having sex with students. It's not about boys and girls and their sexual escapades while getting their first kiss. There is a pretty good size difference when a child, even at 17 is looking up to and believing what someone that is a representative of all of their past teachers combined, whom they had to follow and believe and take orders from.

That puts the teacher in the position of a trusted baby sitter, an uncle or aunt, or though it's a stretch to me, a parent. I say this simply because of the parents of students who will punish their child for not doing the homework their teacher gave them, for skipping classes, for talking in class and causing interruptions in the lessons. You see, parents backing what the teacher has to say let's the children know they are in charge and should be respected as if they were their parents during class time.

So, it's a little different than a boyfriend - girlfriend type of relationship, though, in some cases the age and maturity differences in boyfriends and girlfriends can be an issue. This type of relationship can be thwarted in some cases by the parents and how they have raised their children. It depends on a lot of things.

I didn't mean to say that you, Elle, or anyone else who had a May-December childhood dating relationship was wrong. Each, I think, has to be looked at on it's own merits in those instances.
I made it clear Denise was seventeen.My parents new nothing about it.
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post #22 of 80 (permalink) Old 02-26-2017, 08:35 AM
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Re: Another teacher sex story, it's like no one watches the news

The amount of pearl-clutching about stories like this would be hilarious if lives weren't being ruined by the law.

Always remember the LD motto: "Sex isn't important!!!"
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post #23 of 80 (permalink) Old 02-26-2017, 08:59 AM
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Re: Another teacher sex story, it's like no one watches the news

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I made it clear Denise was seventeen.My parents new nothing about it.
Did you post the age difference between you two? Sorry I missed that. You must have known that it wasn't going to be a practice session, if you could help it. I mean, since your parents knew nothing about it.

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post #24 of 80 (permalink) Old 02-26-2017, 09:02 AM
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Re: Another teacher sex story, it's like no one watches the news

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The amount of pearl-clutching about stories like this would be hilarious if lives weren't being ruined by the law.

Erring on the side of caution seems prudent.

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post #25 of 80 (permalink) Old 02-26-2017, 09:03 AM
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Re: Another teacher sex story, it's like no one watches the news

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Did you post the age difference between you two? Sorry I missed that. You must have known that it wasn't going to be a practice session, if you could help it. I mean, since your parents knew nothing about it.
The point I'm trying to make is that Denise could and still could be charged with rape of a minor when it was the minor (me)who instigated the sex.I still maintain this is a ridiculous scenario but in fairness I don't know how else the law can be implemented in this type of situation.

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post #26 of 80 (permalink) Old 02-26-2017, 09:14 AM
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Re: Another teacher sex story, it's like no one watches the news

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Erring on the side of caution seems prudent.
Yes, precisely because of the law, as I thought I had made clear.

Otherwise this whole issue is a tempest in a teapot.

Always remember the LD motto: "Sex isn't important!!!"
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post #27 of 80 (permalink) Old 02-26-2017, 09:25 AM
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Re: Another teacher sex story, it's like no one watches the news

A 25 year old dating a 15 year old girl.
I'll just say that's a bad idea and leave it at that.

Should it be prosecuted as a crime? Yes, there needs to be legal boundaries in place to protect KIDS from making poor decisions with grown people who are capable of taking advantage of them.

I think there should be some logic involved in the sex offender label.

I guess I just wanted to say I'm glad you're happy, Ella, but I sure think 99% of the time, 15 and 25 is matches and gasoline.
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post #28 of 80 (permalink) Old 02-26-2017, 09:29 AM
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Re: Another teacher sex story, it's like no one watches the news

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The point I'm trying to make is that Denise could and still could be charged with rape of a minor when it was the minor (me)who instigated the sex.I still maintain this is a ridiculous scenario but in fairness I don't know how else the law can be implemented in this type of situation.
I don't see the correlation between you and your "girlfriend" having sex at daddy's pool when she is not your instructor, versus a teacher/student relationship where the teacher has been to university and likely taken courses in philosophy, higher mathematics, and English literature which is full of sexual analogy and suggestion.

The student in this case is likely a drug user who has an underdeveloped frontal lobe and amygdala based on that possible drug use and the level of education he is currently in.

These are huge differences in the educator and student. In this instance, I am leaving out the idea that she is supposed to be his educator, and as such trusted to teach him things he needs to know to get himself through life in as productive way as possible. I guess the experience of sex was meant to help him learn how to get a good woman who has a good education and tenured position with a company that pays her a healthy salary. That way, she can take care of him?

What argument can you possibly make that makes any sense?

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post #29 of 80 (permalink) Old 02-26-2017, 10:50 AM
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Re: Another teacher sex story, it's like no one watches the news

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I don't see the correlation between you and your "girlfriend" having sex at daddy's pool when she is not your instructor, versus a teacher/student relationship where the teacher has been to university and likely taken courses in philosophy, higher mathematics, and English literature which is full of sexual analogy and suggestion.

The student in this case is likely a drug user who has an underdeveloped frontal lobe and amygdala based on that possible drug use and the level of education he is currently in.

These are huge differences in the educator and student. In this instance, I am leaving out the idea that she is supposed to be his educator, and as such trusted to teach him things he needs to know to get himself through life in as productive way as possible. I guess the experience of sex was meant to help him learn how to get a good woman who has a good education and tenured position with a company that pays her a healthy salary. That way, she can take care of him?

What argument can you possibly make that makes any sense?
My position is that a 15 year old boy who gets to have sex with a 25 year old woman would end up with the nickname "Lucky Bastard".
The other way around, not so much.

That probably makes me a sexist pig, but I'm used to that.

Always remember the LD motto: "Sex isn't important!!!"
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post #30 of 80 (permalink) Old 02-26-2017, 11:39 AM
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Re: Another teacher sex story, it's like no one watches the news

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My position is that a 15 year old boy who gets to have sex with a 25 year old woman would end up with the nickname "Lucky Bastard".
The other way around, not so much.

That probably makes me a sexist pig, but I'm used to that.
That is the general problem. Isn't it?

Have fun with the thread.

"I'm significant!! Screamed the dust speck." - Bill Watterson

"And this, too, shall pass away."
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