My Bed Started Walking - Page 7 - Talk About Marriage
Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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post #91 of 143 (permalink) Old 03-17-2017, 11:21 AM
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Re: My Bed Started Walking

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Sorry for the grammar mistakes, I use a Dictaphone
Try using your finger, it works much better.

Figured you could use a laugh..

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post #92 of 143 (permalink) Old 03-17-2017, 01:10 PM
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Re: My Bed Started Walking

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Another note, the OM, redneck alcoholic, Who has been in a lot of legal trouble. His life is in a downward spiral. People that know me and know her and have seen pictures of him can't fathom it. When I found out it was him I was more concerned for her mental state that she would choose to be with someone like that.
Let this part go. If you read enough threads, I've been here too long, it isn't like the movies or what betrayed people want to happen. I'm not going to make up percentages, but I've read here and witnessed a few times in real life, affair partners are rarely equal, let alone better, than the betrayed party. Oh and do what you feel is right, but don't let the drugs become your crutch for her affair. This isn't a new behavior, it existed when you met.
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post #93 of 143 (permalink) Old 03-17-2017, 01:37 PM Thread Starter
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Re: My Bed Started Walking

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So why not just divorce her. Staying with someone like this is not a path to happiness. Seriously she deserves a red-neck in a death spiral. Women like her are a dime a dozen. Not someone to be prized. You can do so much better. Being alone is better, especially with your job and lifestyle. You will never trust her again.


I suppose you read something into what I said that made you think I was staying with her. I'm pretty paranoid about sharing to much on forums. I'm doing the right thing for my life believe me.


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post #94 of 143 (permalink) Old 03-17-2017, 01:45 PM
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Re: My Bed Started Walking

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I suppose you read something into what I said that made you think I was staying with her. I'm pretty paranoid about sharing to much on forums. I'm doing the right thing for my life believe me.


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Wasn't sure so many are willing to accept so little. Good to here. Get in shape play up the pilot angle keep the uniform on and you will do well. Sadly this is life. Some people are just ****ty.
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post #95 of 143 (permalink) Old 03-17-2017, 02:00 PM Thread Starter
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Re: My Bed Started Walking

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Let this part go. If you read enough threads, I've been here too long, it isn't like the movies or what betrayed people want to happen. I'm not going to make up percentages, but I've read here and witnessed a few times in real life, affair partners are rarely equal, let alone better, than the betrayed party. Oh and do what you feel is right, but don't let the drugs become your crutch for her affair. This isn't a new behavior, it existed when you met.


Totally agree


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post #96 of 143 (permalink) Old 03-17-2017, 07:47 PM
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Re: My Bed Started Walking

jetpilot,

Sometimes when a a spouse feels inferior they seem to cheat with someone they can feel superior to.

Tamat
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post #97 of 143 (permalink) Old 03-17-2017, 08:55 PM
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Re: My Bed Started Walking

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... quite frankly wish I would have just gone through with the divorce instead of investigating...
You played this right, jetpilot. If you'd started the divorce based on your suspicions alone, she would have wiped every device clean and taken the affair underground. Whether you decided to stay or go, you would have spent the rest of your life wondering if you'd made the right decision. Truth is always your friend. Go find a woman worthy of you--there are plenty.
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post #98 of 143 (permalink) Old 03-18-2017, 08:46 PM
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Re: My Bed Started Walking

I'm glad you came back.

Well, no surprise to us here. She proved to you what we all thought she was: a remorseless, lying, entitled gold-digger.

Toss her. File for divorce.
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post #99 of 143 (permalink) Old 03-18-2017, 09:03 PM
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Re: My Bed Started Walking

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You played this right, jetpilot. If you'd started the divorce based on your suspicions alone, she would have wiped every device clean and taken the affair underground. Whether you decided to stay or go, you would have spent the rest of your life wondering if you'd made the right decision. Truth is always your friend. Go find a woman worthy of you--there are plenty.
Also, again too much reading, hindsight makes you think you didn't want to know. Truth is, if you didn't know you'd still be hanging on. Also, we have many a spouse in reconciliation or divorce who still wonder if they did the right thing when they don't have enough information.
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post #100 of 143 (permalink) Old 03-18-2017, 09:29 PM
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Re: My Bed Started Walking

So, do airline pilots' wives cheat on them more because he's gone all the time?

Or, do airline pilots happen to find cheater type personalities more attractive?


Doesn't matter. But look at it this way, OP, you have a great career. Must be incredible.

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post #101 of 143 (permalink) Old 03-18-2017, 11:17 PM
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Re: My Bed Started Walking

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So, do airline pilots' wives cheat on them more because he's gone all the time?

Or, do airline pilots happen to find cheater type personalities more attractive?
Excellent questions, and I think it may be a combination of factors.

First, it may depend on when they met, before he was at an airline or after. If before, she may have envisioned something very different than what it turns out to be. Pay is very low for quite a few years. I've seen how young wives think they're getting into something with lots of leisure travel, adventure, and money for them. Reality is a lot different! Especially when junior, the pilot is away a lot, and without any predictability when working on call. Money is very tight. Whatever the psychology is, being left alone to tend to the house, kids, pets, pay the bills, etc combined with him not being there physically to spend time with seems to cause problems. Toss in some resentment at the low quality of life for the wife, and she can be in a bad frame of mind.

If they meet after he is in the airline then there are a variety scenarios. One is the wife is a cheater by nature and she is happy to marry a pilot. He misses the red flags before the wedding. This woman is the kind who can be happy in her marriage while enjoying playing just for fun with others. Another one I've seen is two crew marrying each other. If they have kids they tend to bid opposite schedules so that someone is always home with the kids. Thus the spouses don't spend much time at all together. Lots of problems naturally with that arrangement.
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post #102 of 143 (permalink) Old 03-18-2017, 11:32 PM
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Re: My Bed Started Walking

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jetpilot,

Sometimes when a a spouse feels inferior they seem to cheat with someone they can feel superior to.

Tamat
And also, they're cheating. How high a quality person are they going to find to participate?
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post #103 of 143 (permalink) Old 03-18-2017, 11:32 PM
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Re: My Bed Started Walking

@Thor

Thanks for the thoughtful response.

I didn't know about the early struggles in a pilot's career. I figured most of them are ex-military (used to lower pay), but I thought commercial careers were always lucrative.

But I also have the impression that pilots are drawn to excitement. Pretty obvious, no big mystery there.

And are therefore attracted to "exciting" women. Women who sizzle sexually are probably exciting to be with, have lots of "confidence", and thoroughly enjoy the sexual admiration they get (from all men, not just their husband).
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post #104 of 143 (permalink) Old 03-19-2017, 02:50 AM Thread Starter
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Re: My Bed Started Walking

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So, do airline pilots' wives cheat on them more because he's gone all the time?



Or, do airline pilots happen to find cheater type personalities more attractive?





Doesn't matter. But look at it this way, OP, you have a great career. Must be incredible.


It's an amazing career! Thanks for the post. I would answer your question with this. Marriage is tough when your spouse is home every night. So having a spouse that travels as much as we do, is just another obstacle for the institution of marriage. I think someone has to be very dedicated to the concept of marriage to make it when their spouse is gone half the month. This is just my thoughts on that and I'm open to any other opinions but that sort of makes sense. In my situation, I married someone that was ten years younger. She grew up in a highly, highly dysfunctional family. Alcoholism, emotional abuse, and let's just say other abuse. Knowing this I proceeded anyway. The problem wasn't that she had those issues from her past, the problem was and still is that she's never acknowledged much less dealt with ANY of those issues. It is painfully obvious to me that all that stuff still affects her on a daily basis, but she refuses to see that. So you take someone like that, get married, and then leave town half the month and what do you expect? If I ever trust someone again enough to get married, I will be more prepared to look at them from an objective point of can she handle my being gone? Or more importantly, will she have enough value toward marriage and integrity towards herself to stop and blow the whistle when and if she starts to struggle with feelings of wanting to stray? With my soon to be ex- it was a done deal from the get go. And unfortunately, I failed to see it and act accordingly. There's only so much I can play the victim here knowing what I knew about her.


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post #105 of 143 (permalink) Old 03-19-2017, 06:47 AM
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Re: My Bed Started Walking

I see you said "soon to be ex". So I take it you will be seeing a lawyer?
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