My Bed Started Walking - Page 8 - Talk About Marriage
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post #106 of 140 (permalink) Old 03-19-2017, 09:08 AM
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Re: My Bed Started Walking

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@Thor

Thanks for the thoughtful response.

I didn't know about the early struggles in a pilot's career. I figured most of them are ex-military (used to lower pay), but I thought commercial careers were always lucrative.

But I also have the impression that pilots are drawn to excitement. Pretty obvious, no big mystery there.

And are therefore attracted to "exciting" women. Women who sizzle sexually are probably exciting to be with, have lots of "confidence", and thoroughly enjoy the sexual admiration they get (from all men, not just their husband).
Most are non-military. Most take on a ton of student debt, too. First year pay when I started 25 yrs ago at my first airline was $13k. No, a zero is not missing off of that number! When I upgraded to Captain at my second airline about 6 yrs later, I was making around $30k.

Due to a pilot shortage (gee, wonder why people steered away from the career....) they have improved first year pay, now in the range of $35k. But remember the pilot probably has $100k or more of student debt. By year 7-ish the pay will have doubled.

Once one gets on with one of the big boys the pay gets better. You don't make lateral moves in this industry, you go back to the bottom of the pay scale and seniority list when you change employers. First year pay around $65k, increasing about $10k to $15k per year as a rough estimate.

So, financially it is a pretty tough road. Timing is everything in this industry. 9/11 plus my age has erased my ability to ever go to the big boys. I work for a fine airline but am stuck on the lower pay scale. Young folks today starting out will find a fairly quick path to the big iron and the big paychecks if they can navigate the interview process with a bit of luck.

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post #107 of 140 (permalink) Old 03-19-2017, 04:52 PM
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Re: My Bed Started Walking

@jetpilot37 If you need to give your wife a notification that she has been found out, may I suggest fitting super slick furniture sliders under the wheels of the bed?

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http://mygeneralblog1.blogspot.co.uk...-cheaters.html (Be afraid UK cheaters! CheaterVille has come to the UK!
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post #108 of 140 (permalink) Old 03-19-2017, 05:35 PM Thread Starter
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Re: My Bed Started Walking

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@jetpilot37 If you need to give your wife a notification that she has been found out, may I suggest fitting super slick furniture sliders under the wheels of the bed?


Oh trust me she knows. I walked out yesterday.


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post #109 of 140 (permalink) Old 03-19-2017, 05:51 PM
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Re: My Bed Started Walking

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Oh trust me she knows. I walked out yesterday.


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post #110 of 140 (permalink) Old 03-19-2017, 11:30 PM Thread Starter
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Re: My Bed Started Walking

Any suggestions on how to stop the constant obsessive thoughts of the two of them together?? Unfortunately, I asked for very specific sexual details. So there's that going around in my head, plus the fact that she refused to work on any kind of sex life with us, yet turns around and gives it to someone else. The humiliation that I have experienced over this is unimaginable. Any thoughts or suggestions would be great. I just want the ****ty committee to **** up.


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post #111 of 140 (permalink) Old 03-19-2017, 11:36 PM
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Re: My Bed Started Walking

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Originally Posted by jetpilot37 View Post
Any suggestions on how to stop the constant obsessive thoughts of the two of them together?? Unfortunately, I asked for very specific sexual details. So there's that going around in my head, plus the fact that she refused to work on any kind of sex life with us, yet turns around and gives it to someone else. The humiliation that I have experienced over this is unimaginable. Any thoughts or suggestions would be great. I just want the ****ty committee to **** up.
The way I dealt with this was to redirect my thoughts. It might sound lame but it works.

Every time I would catch myself thinking things like this, I would change my thoughts to something that made me feel good... like remembering walking on the beach with the water on feet, a breeze and the warm sun. Basically you train your brain to not think those thoughts.
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post #112 of 140 (permalink) Old 03-19-2017, 11:47 PM
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Re: My Bed Started Walking

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Any suggestions on how to stop the constant obsessive thoughts of the two of them together?? Unfortunately, I asked for very specific sexual details. So there's that going around in my head, plus the fact that she refused to work on any kind of sex life with us, yet turns around and gives it to someone else. The humiliation that I have experienced over this is unimaginable. Any thoughts or suggestions would be great. I just want the ****ty committee to **** up.


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See it for who she is. She is broken. Doesn't mean someone else won't give you the sex you want. Seriously what is the matter with a person who give more to the person who doesn't do **** for them but ego boosting then the one who builds a life with them. Just logically you can see she is screwed up.

Another way to see it though it is hard at first is maybe you didn't do it for her. OK then why did she marry you? How unfair was that to you? Just because you didn't do it for her doesn't mean you won't do it for a whole host of others. Just get in shape if you are not and make yourself desirable for someone else. Again not everyone does it for every person, there is no crime in that. But marrying a person who doesn't do it for you is a damn shame, and a terrible thing to do to a person.

Get this stuff logically and emotionally you will catch up. Just remember there is probably plenty of women out there who will give you the passionate sex you seek. You just picked a lemon.

None of that takes away the awful betrayal of cheating. That one has no logic to help you except to say she is a bad person and unworthy of your love.

Last edited by sokillme; 03-19-2017 at 11:51 PM.
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post #113 of 140 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 12:13 AM
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Re: My Bed Started Walking

Although it sucks, the mind movies can serve the purpose of solidifying your anger at what she did and your resolve to divorce. Any time you think of R, just think about them in YOUR bed and what they did.

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post #114 of 140 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 12:19 AM
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Re: My Bed Started Walking

I've heard that EMDR therapy is supposed to be helpful overcoming mind movies. Might be something to look into.
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post #115 of 140 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 12:31 AM Thread Starter
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Re: My Bed Started Walking

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See it for who she is. She is broken. Doesn't mean someone else won't give you the sex you want. Seriously what is the matter with a person who give more to the person who doesn't do **** for them but ego boosting then the one who builds a life with them. Just logically you can see she is screwed up.

Another way to see it though it is hard at first is maybe you didn't do it for her. OK then why did she marry you? How unfair was that to you? Just because you didn't do it for her doesn't mean you won't do it for a whole host of others. Just get in shape if you are not and make yourself desirable for someone else. Again not everyone does it for every person, there is no crime in that. But marrying a person who doesn't do it for you is a damn shame, and a terrible thing to do to a person.

Get this stuff logically and emotionally you will catch up. Just remember there is probably plenty of women out there who will give you the passionate sex you seek. You just picked a lemon.

None of that takes away the awful betrayal of cheating. That one has no logic to help you except to say she is a bad person and unworthy of your love.


She and I had "off the chart" sex for the first two years of our relationship. Once I proposed and we stated planning our wedding, she started pushing back. This got progressively worse into our marriage to the point that I got tired of the rejection and just shut down on her in that department. She claims that after hormone therapy, but over the past 2 Years Her Dr. has come back substantially. By this point I was already done and I just didn't believe what she was telling me. Plus she had put on close to 100 pounds, which just changed the dynamics of sex. It made sex cumbersome and uncomfortable on the rare occasions we did sleep together. Here's an article about the effects of childhood sexual trauma on marriage and adult relationships. It's actually quite fascinating.

http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/6287636


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post #116 of 140 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 12:34 AM Thread Starter
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Re: My Bed Started Walking

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The way I dealt with this was to redirect my thoughts. It might sound lame but it works.



Every time I would catch myself thinking things like this, I would change my thoughts to something that made me feel good... like remembering walking on the beach with the water on feet, a breeze and the warm sun. Basically you train your brain to not think those thoughts.


I will give this a try. Thank you.


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post #117 of 140 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 12:49 AM
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Re: My Bed Started Walking

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She and I had "off the chart" sex for the first two years of our relationship. Once I proposed and we stated planning our wedding, she started pushing back. This got progressively worse into our marriage to the point that I got tired of the rejection and just shut down on her in that department. She claims that after hormone therapy, but over the past 2 Years Her Dr. has come back substantially. By this point I was already done and I just didn't believe what she was telling me. Plus she had put on close to 100 pounds, which just changed the dynamics of sex. It made sex cumbersome and uncomfortable on the rare occasions we did sleep together. Here's an article about the effects of childhood sexual trauma on marriage and adult relationships. It's actually quite fascinating.

How to Understand Your Partner's (Or Your Own) Sexual Abuse History | The Huffington Post


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Yeah so I don't see how you can see this as a rejection of you personally. It's not a reflection of your sexual prowess. She was always attracted to you she is just screwed up. Man there are so many of these stories, the whole thing now a days seem like hit or miss. I think in this case you just missed.

People are ****ty. Things end. Accept those two things and move on.
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post #118 of 140 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 01:50 AM
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Re: My Bed Started Walking

Well now you know what to do if ever your bed starts walkin, you simply stop talkin and don't let it block the door on its way out.

Sorry, I just couldn't help it with the title you put on this thread.

I am truly sorry for what transpired, but it really was not a surprise. Just because it wasn't a surprise doesn't mean reality doesn't hurt though. I went through that uneasiness for six months before I finally found out the truth about my X's affair. My gut would not let me be. I knew something was wrong, reality was just a huge blow none the less.

Good things come to those who wait...greater things come to those who get off their a$$ and do anything to make it happen.
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post #119 of 140 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 03:48 AM
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Re: My Bed Started Walking

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Excellent questions, and I think it may be a combination of factors.

First, it may depend on when they met, before he was at an airline or after. If before, she may have envisioned something very different than what it turns out to be. Pay is very low for quite a few years. I've seen how young wives think they're getting into something with lots of leisure travel, adventure, and money for them. Reality is a lot different! Especially when junior, the pilot is away a lot, and without any predictability when working on call. Money is very tight. Whatever the psychology is, being left alone to tend to the house, kids, pets, pay the bills, etc combined with him not being there physically to spend time with seems to cause problems. Toss in some resentment at the low quality of life for the wife, and she can be in a bad frame of mind.

If they meet after he is in the airline then there are a variety scenarios. One is the wife is a cheater by nature and she is happy to marry a pilot. He misses the red flags before the wedding. This woman is the kind who can be happy in her marriage while enjoying playing just for fun with others. Another one I've seen is two crew marrying each other. If they have kids they tend to bid opposite schedules so that someone is always home with the kids. Thus the spouses don't spend much time at all together. Lots of problems naturally with that arrangement.
i use to hear that marrying a pilot was not a good thing to do as they were likely to cheat with all the young attractive flesh around them on flights all over the place (air hostesses)!
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post #120 of 140 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 03:57 AM
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Re: My Bed Started Walking

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Originally Posted by jetpilot37 View Post
She and I had "off the chart" sex for the first two years of our relationship. Once I proposed and we stated planning our wedding, she started pushing back. This got progressively worse into our marriage to the point that I got tired of the rejection and just shut down on her in that department. She claims that after hormone therapy, but over the past 2 Years Her Dr. has come back substantially. By this point I was already done and I just didn't believe what she was telling me. Plus she had put on close to 100 pounds, which just changed the dynamics of sex. It made sex cumbersome and uncomfortable on the rare occasions we did sleep together. Here's an article about the effects of childhood sexual trauma on marriage and adult relationships. It's actually quite fascinating.

How to Understand Your Partner's (Or Your Own) Sexual Abuse History | The Huffington Post


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With respect to that article, it seemed to focus on women with CSA in their past. I wonder is it different for men, I would assume so?
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