My Husband Cheated and got other woman pregnant. - Talk About Marriage
Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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  • 1 Post By Mrs. Perez
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post #1 of 14 (permalink) Old 02-28-2017, 02:36 PM Thread Starter
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My Husband Cheated and got other woman pregnant.

I am devastated to find out my husband had an affair and got the woman pregnant. How does one recover from that betrayal? Has anyone been in this same situation and if so any suggestions..

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post #2 of 14 (permalink) Old 02-28-2017, 10:11 PM
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Re: My Husband Cheated and got other woman pregnant.

I am sorry that you are going through this. I have not been in the position. I am sure some people from TAM have been and will be along to share with you.

Is his just recent? Is the child born yet?
Do you have your own kids?

You can recover from this with help from an IC. Have you told your family, you should.
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post #3 of 14 (permalink) Old 02-28-2017, 10:19 PM
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Re: My Husband Cheated and got other woman pregnant.

You basically kick him to the curb, tell him to take care of his new family and start a new life with someone who loves you enough to not cheat on you.

Many prefer to drown in a pool of their own morality rather than seek the safety of a different morality.
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post #4 of 14 (permalink) Old 02-28-2017, 10:27 PM
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Re: My Husband Cheated and got other woman pregnant.

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Originally Posted by Vinnydee View Post
You basically kick him to the curb, tell him to take care of his new family and start a new life with someone who loves you enough to not cheat on you.

Sometimes, you fall in love with the most unexpected person, at the most unexpected time. ~ Unknown
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post #5 of 14 (permalink) Old 03-01-2017, 07:23 AM
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Re: My Husband Cheated and got other woman pregnant.

Sorry to hear this. When you say recovery what do you mean? I hope you mean your own personal recovery and not the recovery of your marriage. In my opinion there is not recovery of your marriage. Your H is going to have a baby with another women. That is just a complete shame and he isnt worth the dirt on your shoes.

You kick is ass out and take him to the cleaners.

Do you have kids?

If youre best friend came to you with this story, what would your advice be to your best friend?
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post #6 of 14 (permalink) Old 03-01-2017, 07:32 AM
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Re: My Husband Cheated and got other woman pregnant.

Dump the chump.

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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post #7 of 14 (permalink) Old 03-01-2017, 08:18 AM
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Re: My Husband Cheated and got other woman pregnant.

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Originally Posted by Mrs. Perez View Post
I am devastated to find out my husband had an affair and got the woman pregnant. How does one recover from that betrayal? Has anyone been in this same situation and if so any suggestions..
1) Lawyer now- find out your rights - find a lawyer that eats a$$hats like him for breakfast
2) STD check - get a full battery
3) 180 - start it today
4) Eat
5) Drink plenty of water
6) Do your best to get sleep

7) This is an odd one - laugh - laugh at the absolute absurdity of what he did. Laugh hard and long - because if you don't the realization if what he did can crush you.

8) Door - point to it - "Get your stuff. Get out. Don't let the door hit you on your way to your (use what ever colorful word here to describe the OW)"

9) start divorce

Finally - don't know who originally posted this but it is genius:

Just Let Them Go

The end result?

The end result is to respect yourself in the end,
let go of the people that don't value you or respect you.

That is the end result.

The quickest way to get a cheating spouse back is to let them go with a smile on your face wishing them the best in life and hoping that everything works out in their relationship with their affair partner.

Seriously, the quickest way to get them back.

Nothing else works better or quicker.

Let them go.

Agree with them and their feelings,
"you should be with the OM, I hope he makes you happy, good bye"

Wouldn't that be true love?

If you really loved your spouse,
and wanted them to have what they really want in life which is the other person they're in love with,
wouldn't letting them go be the approach if you really love them?

Why focus on the affair or the drama associated with it?
Just let them go. Give them their freedom.

You can take a good hard look at yourself in the mirror everyday and improve yourself but do it for you, not for someone else, the changes will never stick when it's done for someone else, do it for your benefit and you will probably make those changes last much longer if not indefinitely - because it's for your benefit and you realize the importance and value in that benefit because YOU are involved.

I will never tell someone to change to entice a WAW back when she's been cheating on him. I don't care how bad a marriage, there is never an excuse for cheating. That is a personal decision that someone makes to cheat on their spouse. If a marriage is really bad, leave, get a divorce, speak up to your spouse and tell them flat out "this marriage sucks and if things don't change I'm going to leave you and find someone better" and if things don't improve, leave that person.

But cheating, no excuses.

Think about cheating.
A wayward spouse who cheats on their spouse goes behind their back, secretly, telling lies, feeling guilty, getting angry at their spouse for getting in the way of their fantasies but never owning up to their actions, never admitting what they're doing. If a person who cheats on their spouse felt justified in their actions, why hide and go behind their spouses backs when they start cheating, why lie, why make up excuses about late nights at work and going to a friends place and sleeping over because they drank too much and any other such nonsense?

Deep down, the cheating spouse knows there is something inherently wrong with their actions otherwise they wouldn't lie about their actions and hide what they're doing.

Fighting the affair? For what reason?
To compete with the OM or OW for your spouse?
What message does that communicate to your wayward spouse?
They have lots of value and you have none because now you have to compete with another person for their love? Competing with your wayward spouse's affair partner never works, it just prolongs an ugly drama filled process.

And for your last point,
The easiest way to show you will not tolerate cheating in your relationship is to let that person go. That is the easiest and most effective way to show this.

"Look wife/husband, I won't be in an open relationship with you, I won't give you X number of days, weeks, months to make your mind, if you really feel like you need to sit on the fence on this decision and can't decide between your affair partner and me well I will make the decision for you, you can be with them because I'm no longer an option. I love you and wish you a good life with them and hope it works out for you because it didn't work out for us. Now the best thing we can do for each other is to make this process as graceful and peaceful as possible for us and our children, I'll contact a lawyer/mediator and get started on the process of our legal separation/divorce."

You give them what they want.
You don't fight them on this issue.
You agree with their feelings,
they want to be with the other person, fine they should be with the other person, let them be with the other person.

You will never convince a person to change their feelings with your arguments and logic. You can not find one member on this website in a situation where they are dealing with infidelity where they got their spouse to change their mind about how they feel about their affair partner.

You can't say "don't love them, love me instead",
you can't say "look at me, I'm better in every way compared to your affair partner, pick me instead of them",
you can't say "you took marriage vows, you promised to love me"

I agree, you don't have to make it easy for your wayward spouse to have an affair, but when you let them go, "lovingly detach", you don't have to worry about making it easy for them. It's no longer your concern, they can have you or them but not both and not at the same time and since they've chosen to have an affair, they've made their choice, there is no profit in fighting that decision. Let them go and move on with your life, that is the quickest, easiest way to get them back.

You definitely don't support them financially and enable them, that would be weak, wussy, clingy, insecure behavior - something in you telling you that you need to support them financially while they're having an affair, hoping they'll realize how nice you are and come back to you.

Just let them go, have them move out or you move out and live a good life without them.

Question - Are you happy?

If YES - You have chosen wisely!
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post #8 of 14 (permalink) Old 03-01-2017, 01:41 PM
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Re: My Husband Cheated and got other woman pregnant.

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Originally Posted by Mrs. Perez View Post
I am devastated to find out my husband had an affair and got the woman pregnant. How does one recover from that betrayal?
You don't recover.

At least, not fully and frankly not at all if you stick around to change your husband's babies diapers every other weekend and on Wednesday nights.

File for divorce immediately and save yourself from the personal hell you are about to experience.

“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” - Maya Angelou

Last edited by BetrayedDad; 03-02-2017 at 07:49 AM.
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post #9 of 14 (permalink) Old 03-01-2017, 02:01 PM
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Re: My Husband Cheated and got other woman pregnant.

Do you have children with your husband?

How long have the two of you been married?
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post #10 of 14 (permalink) Old 03-01-2017, 02:02 PM
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Re: My Husband Cheated and got other woman pregnant.

So sorry for your heartache.

First thing to do is to talk to a lawyer.
Because this baby is going to be your H's and your(if you stay) responsible for the next 18 to 20 something years.
Will you be able to accept this innocent child into your life and not blame him for your H's infidelity?

This child is going to be a constant reminder of what he did. Then, your H is going to have to support this child for the next 18 years, how are you going to handle this?

What happens when the child visits? Are you going to help in his care?

Unfortunately, you are not the most important part of the this occurrence. The baby is the most important, what is going to happen to the baby?

Are you ready to deal with this? If not, the get the hell out as soon as you can.

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post #11 of 14 (permalink) Old 03-01-2017, 02:13 PM
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Re: My Husband Cheated and got other woman pregnant.

I agree with others.
Let him go so he can own up to his responsibilities. Unfortunately they will always come before you now.

He made his choices. You'll have to make some in your favor now. Sorry for the unfortunate turn of events.

Are you absolutely certain the child is his? Was a DNA test done?

"If you deliberately plan on being less than you are capable of being, then I warn you that you'll be unhappy for the rest of your life."

~ Abraham Maslow
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post #12 of 14 (permalink) Old 03-01-2017, 02:13 PM
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I would have to leave. That baby IS the most important part of his, and if you are anything like me, you will always have negative feelings toward the innocent child. You won't be able to help it. Do you have any children now?
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post #13 of 14 (permalink) Old 03-01-2017, 03:06 PM
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Re: My Husband Cheated and got other woman pregnant.

Dump him and get every fricking cent out of him you can in divorce court. So sorry this happened to you.

"I've paid double for every transgression I've ever made and that motel and that boat are little to ask for"
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post #14 of 14 (permalink) Old 03-01-2017, 03:48 PM
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Re: My Husband Cheated and got other woman pregnant.

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Originally Posted by jb02157 View Post
Dump him and get every fricking cent out of him you can in divorce court. So sorry this happened to you.
If you have children with this man, you need to fight for their rights legally. If you forgive him, he will do it again. I see this a lot in my family. Once a man cheats and has children with another, taking them back devalues YOU as a person. Don't lower yourself for this fool. Move on and fast.

Good things come to those who wait...greater things come to those who get off their a$$ and do anything to make it happen.
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