Being pumped for info by BS? - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
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post #16 of 63 (permalink) Old 02-28-2017, 07:47 PM
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Re: Being pumped for info by BS?

Probably.

Just be up front and tell her that you don't know anything. Sure, you've heard gossip, but you can't substantiate it. Also, you hadn't even heard the gossip until what's-her-name quit.


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post #17 of 63 (permalink) Old 02-28-2017, 08:47 PM
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Re: Being pumped for info by BS?

Honestly, what difference does it make at this point? She stopped responding to you so she obviously decided to let it go.

You should too.

None of it directly concerns you so no need to drag more drama into your life.

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post #18 of 63 (permalink) Old 02-28-2017, 09:02 PM
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Being pumped for info by BS?

How small is this town? Population 50?

You work with Angela at both places?

And were Bob and Susie talking about the bridal shop event with Mary when they should have been NC?
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post #19 of 63 (permalink) Old 02-28-2017, 11:22 PM
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Re: Being pumped for info by BS?

Seriously, stay out of it as much as possible. You seem to be attracted to the drama; quit that.
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post #20 of 63 (permalink) Old 03-01-2017, 04:28 AM
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Re: Being pumped for info by BS?

It's none of your business, LH.

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post #21 of 63 (permalink) Old 03-01-2017, 06:45 AM
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Re: Being pumped for info by BS?

Based on the questions she asked your friend (and the way you said she did it) I think your gut feeling is right. She wants info. Which is counterproductive if she decided to stay with him. She is pain shopping. Maybe she wants to pain shop with you since she knows you went through something similar. If true, you two will turn to two miserable little women ruminating over their misfortune in life(pity-party). Not a good idea.

Even if I don't get likes for it, I'm still going to say it.
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post #22 of 63 (permalink) Old 03-01-2017, 07:24 AM
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Re: Being pumped for info by BS?

@LosingHim she probably reached out to everyone who she thought would be useful for a spot of real life data mining.

When it becomes clear to her that there are people like you who knew nothing about the affair, then she drops you/them as a potential source of information and goes to the next person on her list.

She's a girl on a mission.


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post #23 of 63 (permalink) Old 03-01-2017, 07:45 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Being pumped for info by BS?

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Originally Posted by 225985 View Post
How small is this town? Population 50?

You work with Angela at both places?

And were Bob and Susie talking about the bridal shop event with Mary when they should have been NC?
Small town. I do work with Angela at both places. I applied at the bridal shop last year when I was separated as a means of more income. Once Iíd been there about 2 weeks they said they really liked me and asked if I knew anyone that had a similar personality to me that would want a part time job. So I went to Angela and asked her if she was interested, she said yes, applied, they liked her and hired her. So weíve both been there for a year. Another one of the girls that works at the bridal shop saw an ad for a position at my full time job and asked Angela about it. She applied and got the position. So actually right now there are three of us who all work at the bridal shop and my primary employment. And actually another woman from the bridal shop interviewed for a position here last week in finance. Iíve gotten pretty chummy with the finance manager here and they told me theyíre probably offering her the job next week. So there will be 4 of us. One of the managers of the bridal shop has asked me to keep her informed of open positions in certain departments here as well. I work for a great company, people want to get in here pretty badly so itís not surprising to me at all.

Bob and Susie didnít discuss the bridal shop event. Mary told Bob that Angela told her at the bridal shop that she was sorry for what she went through, when that actually didnít happen. And Bob came to work and told Angela about it. Apparently Bob has no qualms about discussing his affair with certain coworkers.

As far as inviting drama Ė I didnít reach out to this girl. She reached out to me. In my naivety I really thought she actually just wanted to be friends. But once Angela pointed out she could be fishing for information, I did think about that. She did stop responding in messages, but now sheís commenting on everything I post on facebook. I donít want to discuss this womans husbands affair with her. I came here to ask if anyone else thought it was fishing for information or if Angela and I were just being paranoid.

I'll get through this, one day at a time.
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post #24 of 63 (permalink) Old 03-01-2017, 07:55 AM
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Re: Being pumped for info by BS?

I would have to say that you're probably right; she may be trying to get information. However, we can talk all day long about it but not know for sure.

If she reaches out to you again to arrange a get-together, do it. That's the only way you're going to know her intentions. If she brings up Bob and starts asking questions, then I think you'll have your answer.

If you do become friends, then it would be natural for her to talk about the affair at some point any ways. That's what friends do; they talk to each other about stuff.

You just may get a friend out of it.

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post #25 of 63 (permalink) Old 03-01-2017, 08:55 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Being pumped for info by BS?

I'd like to have more friends LOL. I guess my fear is I go out with her, she pumps me for info it either makes me uncomfortable and trigger or she realizes I donít know anything anyway and I never hear from her again. I donít have a lot of female friends. Iíve never really gotten along with women all that well. I mean I donít fight with them, I just seem to fail to make connections with them. I donít know how Iíd feel if I did meet up with her, she pumped me for info, didnít get what she wanted because I donít know anything and I didnít hear from her again. I guess Iíd feel like it was just another failure to make a female friend. Iíve been craving female interaction lately because my putz of a husband is rarely ever home and I spend all of my time with the kids or alone and Iíve realized that I need some girl friends to do things with.


I'll get through this, one day at a time.
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post #26 of 63 (permalink) Old 03-01-2017, 09:25 AM
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Re: Being pumped for info by BS?

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I'd like to have more friends LOL. I guess my fear is I go out with her, she pumps me for info it either makes me uncomfortable and trigger or she realizes I donít know anything anyway and I never hear from her again. I donít have a lot of female friends. Iíve never really gotten along with women all that well. I mean I donít fight with them, I just seem to fail to make connections with them. I donít know how Iíd feel if I did meet up with her, she pumped me for info, didnít get what she wanted because I donít know anything and I didnít hear from her again. I guess Iíd feel like it was just another failure to make a female friend. Iíve been craving female interaction lately because my putz of a husband is rarely ever home and I spend all of my time with the kids or alone and Iíve realized that I need some girl friends to do things with.


Look, LH, you're putting too much pressure on yourself and making too much of this. Lighten up a bit. Take a risk. Be direct if she starts to pump you for info and say you were concerned that might happen but that you really were looking forward to meeting a new girlfriend. It goes 2 ways - that will change the dynamic and let her know you have expectations about meeting her too.

You're acting like all the guys who are afraid to ask out that cute girl they've run into several times. They're afraid of rejection. So are you. But haven't you or the women you know talked about those guys and wished they'd grow a pair and accept the threat of rejection?

Being timid about possible connections only means you are guaranteed to lose out. Taking a risk creates all manner of possibilities.

BTW I do expect this is #1 on her mind, but she might also be able to put it aside once she knows you weren't also banging her H and you didn't know anything about it. But tell her that's all you have to say about it and you want to move on to other girl talk.

That's my free advice ha ha


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post #27 of 63 (permalink) Old 03-01-2017, 10:37 AM
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Re: Being pumped for info by BS?

Send her an invite for coffee. Today.

If she declines or doesn't respond she was just digging for info.
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post #28 of 63 (permalink) Old 03-01-2017, 12:01 PM
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Re: Being pumped for info by BS?

I see no harm in having coffee with her. She may just feel lonely and want more friends as you do.

"I've paid double for every transgression I've ever made and that motel and that boat are little to ask for"
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post #29 of 63 (permalink) Old 03-01-2017, 12:40 PM
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Re: Being pumped for info by BS?

She might want info. If she talks with you again and asks, just tell her the truth. You know nothing. Do not repeat the rumors. They are rumors and not something you know first hand.

I'm not sure you are having a hard time with this. It's not unusual for a BS to be looking for the truth. You, have no real info that could add to her knowledge base on the affair.

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post #30 of 63 (permalink) Old 03-01-2017, 01:32 PM
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Re: Being pumped for info by BS?

Quote:
Originally Posted by LosingHim View Post
Never promised to keep it brief!


I don't want to sit down with this woman and talk about her husbands affair. I don't KNOW anything about her husbands affair. The only things I "know" and I use that lightly because it's all second hand, is the things that Angela has told me in a gossip type situation. And that's not a give and take conversation. She talks, I just nod and half listen. I don't know these things, and I don't WANT to know these things because hearing those details triggers me. I just do the typical "nod and smile", offer a couple "uh huh's" in there too. The last thing I need right now is to meet a betrayed woman on the pretext of having coffee and being pressed for information. I guess I just don't know how proper it would be to preface it with "Hey, I don't want to meet you for coffee if you just want to pump me for information about Bob's affair". How do you even say that politely? And what if that isn't what she wants and I insult her by saying that?
Just be honest with her. Just come out as nicely as possible and let her know you know nothing. Send a message or something. You know her pain, help ease it the only way you can.
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