Originally Posted by MEM11363
So he is likely unable to perform now. And maybe permanently. And you are recommending what exactly:
- She accept being celibate open ended
- She should leave him
Why are either of those alternatives superior to the current situation?
I can sort of answer this one MEM, although just to be clear it is my personal opinion and nothing more.
In a lifelong relationship people can and are unable to have sex for a variety of reasons ranging from temporary illness to permanent injury. Sometimes the ability will come back...sometimes it won't. But even if the flag won't go to the top of the flagpole, that doesn't mean that fingers are gone, tongues are dry, and there aren't items that could be used to produce pleasure! So a portion of the problem is thinking of sex as if it only involves a penis...and another portion is thinking of sex with my spouse as if it revolves around ME having an orgasm. Yeah--that is a net result--but on my end I am intimate physically because WE are intimate as a couple and I want to please HIM.
Sooo...I wouldn't accept celibacy open-endedly either. Okay so the soldier doesn't salute. Accept that and move on to fingers, tongues and toys! Just be with each other how you can!
And I wouldn't leave someone only over sex either. If it was just a matter of erectile dysfunction, hey guess what? That happens to EVERY MALE as they age ... at some point. So I'm going to leave my dedicated 75yo husband after all those years of sharing life together because he can't penetrate me? No. That's silly and completely against the promise I made to him.
Now...if other things were breaking down in the marriage, and there was NO physical intimacy or sex was used as a weapon or being withheld, well that's different! I would address those reasons that were causing the break down. In that case the sex is just secondary.