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post #31 of 598 (permalink) Old 03-01-2017, 01:07 PM
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Re: Not sure what to do - Positive HPV test

From the National Institute of Health:

"How did I get HPV?"

HPV is transmitted by direct skin-to-skin contact, that is, between lesional epithelium containing mature, potentially infectious virions (Figure 3) and the squamous epithelium of a susceptible host. Most genital HPV infections are transmitted by either sexual intercourse or "outercourse" (foreplay without intravaginal penetrating sex). In the case of intercourse, the entire epithelium of the lower genital tract can be infected, whereas in "outercourse" only the external vulvar area is at risk of infection.4 The virus may also be transmitted horizontally from one site to another by genital-digital manipulation. For example, the anal canal or the vagina may be infected by HPV from perianal and/or vulvar condylomata or intraepithelial neoplasia via fingers. Oral sex can cause heteroinoculation of the upper aerodigestive tract.3

Some HPV types seem to be transmitted more easily than others.

THE HIGH-RISK HPV TYPE 16 is the one genital HPV type that's most frequently transmitted and acquired. Present in 50% of all HPV-infected people, it tends to be linked with more numerous sexual partners than its other high-risk and low-risk counterparts.5
OF THE LOW-RISK HPV TYPES, type 6 has a much greater chance of being transmitted than, for example, type 11; HPV type 6 produces most genital warts.

"Who gave me HPV?"

The answer is: Either your patient's current—or more likely—one of her past sexual partners, particularly the most recent ones. There's only one clear-cut scenario implicating the current partner as the source of HPV: penile lesions and complete virginal status of the female partner prior to sexual debut. Without clearly identifiable lesions, evidence of HPV DNA of the same type (particularly if the woman has a less common type) in the male partner could also be construed as the basis for transmission in the couple.


Sorry my friend. Your wife had sex with another person.


Last edited by drifter777; 03-01-2017 at 01:11 PM.
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post #32 of 598 (permalink) Old 03-01-2017, 01:10 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Not sure what to do - Positive HPV test

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Originally Posted by DepressedHusband View Post
If my wife was in a room with another man and that door was locked, 2 things would have happened, the door would have become unhinged or removed from its mooring and the activity's would have been found out about. OP she cheated, seen this **** to much with women over the years. The fact that you didn't tear the door down, really tells me why to, your a beta male. Stop being a ***** and man up.
So, that did happen... meaning I took the door down. I was very angry, she was very embarrassed and my friend, at the time, laughed it off. At the time, I would say it did not help my relationship with my wife other than to point out how seriously I felt about her being alone with other men in compromising situations. I had several very intense discussions with him after some of the other things he did.... and we are no longer friends. He moved into a small camper when his wife threw him out and few if any of his old friends have anything to do with him. That's all I'll say about that.

As for the rest, I don't know how to respond. I will not destroy my marriage without some evidence just because I think something might have happened. I will not rant and scream at the mother of my children without reason. If that makes me a Beta-Male, then fine. I prefer to think of it as thoughtful considering the situation before taking action, if there's action to be taken.
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post #33 of 598 (permalink) Old 03-01-2017, 01:12 PM
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Re: Not sure what to do - Positive HPV test

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Originally Posted by FortheRecord View Post
So, that did happen... meaning I took the door down. I was very angry, she was very embarrassed and my friend, at the time, laughed it off. At the time, I would say it did not help my relationship with my wife other than to point out how seriously I felt about her being alone with other men in compromising situations. I had several very intense discussions with him after some of the other things he did.... and we are no longer friends. He moved into a small camper when his wife threw him out and few if any of his old friends have anything to do with him. That's all I'll say about that.

As for the rest, I don't know how to respond. I will not destroy my marriage without some evidence just because I think something might have happened. I will not rant and scream at the mother of my children with reason. If that makes me a Beta-Male, then fine. I prefer to think of it as thoughtful considering the situation before taking action, if there's action to be taken.
What room of the house were they in? What did your wife say was going on?
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post #34 of 598 (permalink) Old 03-01-2017, 01:18 PM
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Re: Not sure what to do - Positive HPV test

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Originally Posted by FortheRecord View Post
We were crying because, while it's unlikely, the test that she took could still come back as positive for Cervical Cancer or one of the Pre-emergent conditions like CIN. But, yeah, she was also trying to wrap her head around the fact that her doctor just told her she had an STD and that there's few ways to get it other than from Sex. that combined with the fact that she didn't have it last year lead her to the initial thought that perhaps I had been unfaithful and that I was going to tell her about something stupid I had done. As I mentioned, one of her closest friends is just a year removed from a very painful divorce that involved a number of completely unexpected revelations which has shaken people my wife is close to... to the very core.

I know I have been faithful. I believe my wife has. From her perspective, she Knows she has been faithful. She believes that I have.
Getting to that point along with the health considerations was very emotional.

I don't think it can be transferred in Sweat but one of the articles did mention you could get it by using a hot tub.

I agree, that I probably shouldn't be spending this much time on it but I don't currently have the ability to just let it go. I'm working on it by discussing it here.
Thanks for the advice though.
Explain your W perspective. (in bold above)

“You're painfully alive in a drugged and dying culture.”
― Richard Yates, Revolutionary Road
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post #35 of 598 (permalink) Old 03-01-2017, 01:24 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Not sure what to do - Positive HPV test

Quote:
Originally Posted by drifter777 View Post
From the National Institute of Health:

"How did I get HPV?"

HPV is transmitted by direct skin-to-skin contact, that is, between lesional epithelium containing mature, potentially infectious virions (Figure 3) and the squamous epithelium of a susceptible host. Most genital HPV infections are transmitted by either sexual intercourse or "outercourse" (foreplay without intravaginal penetrating sex). In the case of intercourse, the entire epithelium of the lower genital tract can be infected, whereas in "outercourse" only the external vulvar area is at risk of infection.4 The virus may also be transmitted horizontally from one site to another by genital-digital manipulation. For example, the anal canal or the vagina may be infected by HPV from perianal and/or vulvar condylomata or intraepithelial neoplasia via fingers. Oral sex can cause heteroinoculation of the upper aerodigestive tract.3

Some HPV types seem to be transmitted more easily than others.

THE HIGH-RISK HPV TYPE 16 is the one genital HPV type that's most frequently transmitted and acquired. Present in 50% of all HPV-infected people, it tends to be linked with more numerous sexual partners than its other high-risk and low-risk counterparts.5
OF THE LOW-RISK HPV TYPES, type 6 has a much greater chance of being transmitted than, for example, type 11; HPV type 6 produces most genital warts.

"Who gave me HPV?"

The answer is: Either your patient's current—or more likely—one of her past sexual partners, particularly the most recent ones. There's only one clear-cut scenario implicating the current partner as the source of HPV: penile lesions and complete virginal status of the female partner prior to sexual debut. Without clearly identifiable lesions, evidence of HPV DNA of the same type (particularly if the woman has a less common type) in the male partner could also be construed as the basis for transmission in the couple.


Sorry my friend. Your wife had sex with another person.
Yeah, i read that. I linked it to my wife and that's one of the things we talked about.

But there are also these articles
It Turns Out You Can Get HPV Without Having Sex | Women's Health
HPV and a Virgin with NO sexual contact?! How so? - (( VaginaPagina ))
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3681772/

And I while I understand Occam's razor, I prefer Sherlock Holmes in this case...
When you eliminate the impossible, what ever is left, how ever improbably, must be the truth.

I prefer, at this point, to believe that my wife intentionally cheating is impossible.
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post #36 of 598 (permalink) Old 03-01-2017, 01:33 PM
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Re: Not sure what to do - Positive HPV test

Quote:
Originally Posted by FortheRecord View Post
And I while I understand Occam's razor, I prefer Sherlock Holmes in this case...
When you eliminate the impossible, what ever is left, how ever improbably, must be the truth.

I prefer, at this point, to believe that my wife intentionally cheating is impossible.
So you have chosen to disregard the "most likely" in favor of the "improbable", by believing the bolded part above!!!

From experience ... that is a recipe for some world class shock and awe when you have to come to terms with reality. Please ... for your own future sanity ... at least start coming to terms with the possibility that you may be dead wrong in your unconditional faith in your wife.
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post #37 of 598 (permalink) Old 03-01-2017, 01:33 PM
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Re: Not sure what to do - Positive HPV test

Quote:
Originally Posted by FortheRecord View Post
Yeah, i read that. I linked it to my wife and that's one of the things we talked about.

But there are also these articles
It Turns Out You Can Get HPV Without Having Sex | Women's Health
HPV and a Virgin with NO sexual contact?! How so? - (( VaginaPagina ))
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3681772/

And I while I understand Occam's razor, I prefer Sherlock Holmes in this case...
When you eliminate the impossible, what ever is left, how ever improbably, must be the truth.

I prefer, at this point, to believe that my wife intentionally cheating is impossible.
your ego is in the way
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post #38 of 598 (permalink) Old 03-01-2017, 01:36 PM
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Re: Not sure what to do - Positive HPV test

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Originally Posted by FortheRecord View Post
So, that did happen... meaning I took the door down. I was very angry, she was very embarrassed and my friend, at the time, laughed it off. At the time, I would say it did not help my relationship with my wife other than to point out how seriously I felt about her being alone with other men in compromising situations. I had several very intense discussions with him after some of the other things he did.... and we are no longer friends. He moved into a small camper when his wife threw him out and few if any of his old friends have anything to do with him. That's all I'll say about that.

As for the rest, I don't know how to respond. I will not destroy my marriage without some evidence just because I think something might have happened. I will not rant and scream at the mother of my children without reason. If that makes me a Beta-Male, then fine. I prefer to think of it as thoughtful considering the situation before taking action, if there's action to be taken.
Look, your so beta you can't even see it, I get it, being married and in LTRs has the effect of reducing male testosterone and male appeal. I constantly game and dominate my wife, that's how I keep her faithful. but you have to understand, no women truly find a beta male attractive on the long curve that why so many women cheat.

first thing to do, start hitting the gym, start with massive rapid self improvement. If you want your wife to come to you, be something to move toward, if you are going to be a whiny needy little girl, she is gonna **** other dudes while keeping you for safety and resources. Man up brother.
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post #39 of 598 (permalink) Old 03-01-2017, 01:37 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Not sure what to do - Positive HPV test

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What room of the house were they in? What did your wife say was going on?
It was the office... she said they were talking... about nothing in particular.
this is a 14 years ago so some of the details are fuzzy and I wasn't in a listening state of mind.
I saw that he was at the house, i walked in and looked around, no one in the living room or bedroom, found the office door closed, listened briefly, heard murmuring i think and I tried the door and found it locked

I hollered, pounded on the door, kicked it,
They got it unlocked and open before I got it open.

She was embarrassed and upset at my reaction, my 'friend' was laughing at me for overreacting.
My wife and I weren't always talking at the time so she wasn't exactly inclined to give me a lot of details.
"we were just talking, what did you think was going on?"

It lead to another fight, which were having lot in those days... which for us, even in those days, was rarely a high volume exercise. We don't now and never did yell very much... We just have very intense discussions.
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post #40 of 598 (permalink) Old 03-01-2017, 01:45 PM
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Re: Not sure what to do - Positive HPV test

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Originally Posted by FortheRecord View Post

I prefer, at this point, to believe that my wife intentionally cheating is impossible.
But capable at that time of discovery of locked door in your home with your W and OM behind said door. You having no knowledge this was occurring at that time. You are assuming, I'm guessing, this did not happen any time prior?


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post #41 of 598 (permalink) Old 03-01-2017, 01:46 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Not sure what to do - Positive HPV test

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Explain your W perspective. (in bold above)
The quote you bolded was my response to explain why we were emotional. If I take her statements at face value, and she's as surprised with the results as I am, then it follows... She knows she was faithful... She trusts me and believes that I was faithful. I was just expressing her thoughts and position in our discussion.
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post #42 of 598 (permalink) Old 03-01-2017, 01:46 PM
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Re: Not sure what to do - Positive HPV test

She should have been embarrassed by what she was doing as a married woman behind a locked door!

If you were in that room with the door locked with another woman, what would she have done?

Horrible boundaries at the least.

Has she ever read not just friends?
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post #43 of 598 (permalink) Old 03-01-2017, 01:47 PM
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Re: Not sure what to do - Positive HPV test

Quote:
Originally Posted by FortheRecord View Post
It was the office... she said they were talking... about nothing in particular.
this is a 14 years ago so some of the details are fuzzy and I wasn't in a listening state of mind.
I saw that he was at the house, i walked in and looked around, no one in the living room or bedroom, found the office door closed, listened briefly, heard murmuring i think and I tried the door and found it locked

I hollered, pounded on the door, kicked it,
They got it unlocked and open before I got it open.

She was embarrassed and upset at my reaction, my 'friend' was laughing at me for overreacting.
My wife and I weren't always talking at the time so she wasn't exactly inclined to give me a lot of details.
"we were just talking, what did you think was going on?"
Good Lord......

“You're painfully alive in a drugged and dying culture.”
― Richard Yates, Revolutionary Road
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post #44 of 598 (permalink) Old 03-01-2017, 01:49 PM
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Re: Not sure what to do - Positive HPV test

Quote:
Originally Posted by FortheRecord View Post
It was the office... she said they were talking... about nothing in particular.
this is a 14 years ago so some of the details are fuzzy and I wasn't in a listening state of mind.
I saw that he was at the house, i walked in and looked around, no one in the living room or bedroom, found the office door closed, listened briefly, heard murmuring i think and I tried the door and found it locked

I hollered, pounded on the door, kicked it,
They got it unlocked and open before I got it open.

She was embarrassed and upset at my reaction, my 'friend' was laughing at me for overreacting.
My wife and I weren't always talking at the time so she wasn't exactly inclined to give me a lot of details.
"we were just talking, what did you think was going on?"

It lead to another fight, which were having lot in those days... which for us, even in those days, was rarely a high volume exercise. We don't now and never did yell very much... We just have very intense discussions.
It's possible that this guy locked the door and your wife was not aware of that. Who knows? She and the guy, that's it.

Were you and your wife every separated, living apart?
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post #45 of 598 (permalink) Old 03-01-2017, 01:52 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Not sure what to do - Positive HPV test

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Originally Posted by MyRevelation View Post
So you have chosen to disregard the "most likely" in favor of the "improbable", by believing the bolded part above!!!

From experience ... that is a recipe for some world class shock and awe when you have to come to terms with reality. Please ... for your own future sanity ... at least start coming to terms with the possibility that you may be dead wrong in your unconditional faith in your wife.
that's the position I've chosen at the moment, based on my long history with my wife. If I wasn't at least considering the possibility that something could have happened, i wouldn't be posting on this board. I don't have unconditional faith in anyone other than my God, no person is perfect enough to endure that. I do have unconditional love for my wife though, because I'm not perfect, it's based on a core understanding of who she is. If I found out something about her that shifted my perception of who she is, it might affect how I feel. I believe I would still love her, but like and/or trust are completely different concepts.
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