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post #451 of 693 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 06:49 PM
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Re: Not sure what to do - Positive HPV test

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Originally Posted by FortheRecord View Post
It was certainly distracting.

I'm over analyzing, but the last time we went through anything like this, we didn't have sex for 6 months.
She could be saying something like " Just let it go and things will continue as good or better than they had been"
It's a powerful argument, if that is in fact what it was.
I don't see how letting it go unresolved could be anything but toxic. Something has to give.


“The time's gone by for sentiment and all that foolery. Mercy's all very well but after all it's justice that clinches the bargain.”


“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.”
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post #452 of 693 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 06:59 PM
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Re: Not sure what to do - Positive HPV test

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Have you asked her specifically about the closed-door incident so many years ago? Can she look you in the eye and swear that nothing was going on behind that door? Ask her what she would think if you were with a woman in your study, door locked, at a time when she wasn't expected to be home.

Unfortunately, all the protestations of innocence are worthless. We've seen so many examples in here where a woman literally swears on the lives of her children that she's never been unfaithful. Then the truth of an affair is revealed shortly thereafter.

If I were you, I'd book the polygraph.

This is very true. You are too quick to believe her when she looks you in the eye, but still feel she's hiding something. She is trying to divert attention away from the subject, but when pressed, she tries to lie but isn't totally convincing because she's normally not good at it. Also you said she knows your view on infidelity. So if something happened, all the more reason to deflect.

I agree with the polygraph. With the right questions, you'll get all the info you want and need. Especially if she normally can't lie.
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post #453 of 693 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 08:05 PM
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Re: Not sure what to do - Positive HPV test

Hate to suggest this.....but I just read about your wife being flirty. You traveled a lot. Any chance your wife was sexually assaulted and that's what she's hiding?

I'll get through this, one day at a time.
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post #454 of 693 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 08:39 PM
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Re: Not sure what to do - Positive HPV test

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I'm over analyzing, but the last time we went through anything like this, we didn't have sex for 6 months.
What happened the last time?
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post #455 of 693 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 08:42 PM
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Re: Not sure what to do - Positive HPV test

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Hate to suggest this.....but I just read about your wife being flirty. You traveled a lot. Any chance your wife was sexually assaulted and that's what she's hiding?


Well, That's now another doubt put into OP's head.
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post #456 of 693 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 08:44 PM
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Re: Not sure what to do - Positive HPV test

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I could see her rationalizing a lie to protect me from the truth.



.


Here's a novel idea. Maybe she could rationalize a lie to protect HERSELF from the truth.
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post #457 of 693 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 08:55 PM
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Re: Not sure what to do - Positive HPV test

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I wonder if the problem is that you are asking her if she has been with anyone else. She may think well that means sexual intercourse, so she denies it, whereas what I presume you mean is have you had any sort of sexual contact at all.
We know that Stds can be passed through, say, oral sex, so you may need to change what you are asking to have you had any sort of sexual contact at all with another person, whether it be sexual touching, oral sex or whatever. Make it more specific.
Of course most here know that most guilty people will deny it anyway.

BTW women who are over touchy feely annoy me a lot. its not right to touch a member of the opposite sex that way, I mean touching another mans knee for example is very inappropriate. We came across a lady like that when we were on a weekend event. She did that to all the men, and in the end my husband had a word with her and said do you realise what you are doing, that you are inappropriately touching all the husbands here, and she actually did know what she was doing but made an excuse, just as we all know what we are doing when we meet other people.

She may well be giving men the wrong idea as well. Any sort of flirting is wrong unless its with your partner.
His wife said that no one but the OP and her doctors have ever touch her genitals. IN order to get HPV where she has it, something that carried the virus and to be in her.
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post #458 of 693 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 09:00 PM
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Re: Not sure what to do - Positive HPV test

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I don't know... an emotional affair? A tryst with another woman which she may not think of as cheating? Maybe Thor was right and she got this through a shared toy. I'm going back through last nights conversation to see what I didn't ask.
“Emotional affair” means no physical/sexual contact. So, I doubt it could be an emotional affair.

Sexual contact with a woman would still be someone touching her genitals. A shared toy might be a possibility just as a not well cleaned doc’s instrument could as well.
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post #459 of 693 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 09:06 PM
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Re: Not sure what to do - Positive HPV test

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Originally Posted by LosingHim View Post
Hate to suggest this.....but I just read about your wife being flirty. You traveled a lot. Any chance your wife was sexually assaulted and that's what she's hiding?
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Originally Posted by blueinbr View Post
Well, That's now another doubt put into OP's head.
He already suggested this in an earlier post.
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post #460 of 693 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 09:07 PM
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Re: Not sure what to do - Positive HPV test

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Hate to suggest this.....but I just read about your wife being flirty. You traveled a lot. Any chance your wife was sexually assaulted and that's what she's hiding?
Yes in brought up several times.

Child hood sexual abuse has as well.

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post #461 of 693 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 09:12 PM
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Re: Not sure what to do - Positive HPV test

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"Why do you say you have to be careful around other women?"
Because I've stated the precautions I take, especially when I'm on business trips. Because I do consider myself susceptible to that temptation, especially if my inhibitions were down as a result of drinking.

"Why do you think that she won't lie to you if she looks you in the eye while she's lying to you?"
I've known her since we were 17 years old. I can tell when she's misleading and I know that she has trouble looking anyone in the eye and directly lying to them. Doesn't matter who, doesn't matter about what.

"Why do you keep asking her if she cheated on you even though you realize you'll never get the truth and all you're doing is pissing her off?"
I believe she will tell me the truth if I approach it the right way. My goal is to save my marriage which requires some level of disclosure.... or some type of supernatural peace.
I think you need to stop asking her, just drop it.

And do things like put a VAR in her vehicle, check out her computer, phone calls, etc. Next time you travel, have a PI watch her.

Basically, whether she has ever cheated or not, your marriage is over. You don't believe her. She is sticking to her story and there is a small chance that her story is true. If she is telling the truth, she will not put up with this much longer.

And you will never trust her again.

Sorry dude, I don't see a way for this to get better.
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post #462 of 693 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 09:18 PM
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Re: Not sure what to do - Positive HPV test

Sorry, I must have missed where that's been suggested.

The part about "no one has touched my genitals" doesn't sit well with me. Doesn't mean she didn't touch someone else's. My incident of cheating was oral sex I performed. He did not touch me. The WS doesn't always have to be on the receiving end.

I'll get through this, one day at a time.
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post #463 of 693 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 09:22 PM
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Re: Not sure what to do - Positive HPV test

This marriage cannot be saved with so much denial going on. You're both pretending to yourselves that she didn't cheat. Both of you fear the TRUTH too much - and the consequences of that truth - to face it head on and deal with it.

You're each lying, but in different ways. She's lying to you, and you're lying to yourself.

"Love is chemicals masquerading as choices!"
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post #464 of 693 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 09:23 PM
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Re: Not sure what to do - Positive HPV test

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Originally Posted by LosingHim View Post
Sorry, I must have missed where that's been suggested.

The part about "no one has touched my genitals" doesn't sit well with me. Doesn't mean she didn't touch someone else's. My incident of cheating was oral sex I performed. He did not touch me. The WS doesn't always have to be on the receiving end.
If she gave oral, the HPV would be in her mouth, not her genitals. It does not travel in the body.
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post #465 of 693 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 09:26 PM
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Re: Not sure what to do - Positive HPV test

I'll take it further. You either stop and get Marriage counseling or go all in with snooping. Skimming your posts makes me realize there are holes in the dam you have built, over the years, about your wife's behavior. It gets spread out a missed because of all of the STI bickering, but you have basically confirmed what I and others stated earlier. It has been eating at you for years and the double confirmation has made it worse. All of your denials and reasons are really excuses because you are scared of what may have happened. From an affair to a possible sexual assault, you have fear. It's okay and marriage counseling can help, but it isn't going to work if you go in with a leaking dam and trust issue.
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