Not sure what to do - Positive HPV test - Page 32 - Talk About Marriage
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post #466 of 619 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 09:28 PM
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Re: Not sure what to do - Positive HPV test

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Originally Posted by LosingHim View Post
Sorry, I must have missed where that's been suggested.
He actually suggested it himself.

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She did though, while I expressed it at length both times, she simply said the first time, that no one but me and her doctors had ever touched her genitals. The second time it was a simple, I haven't either.

I offered the polygraph, she dismissed it and never addressed it. If I pursue it at the present time, it would be me pushing her to it.

She did look me in the eye both times though she was not as emphatic as I was but that's not unusual.

If I'm being honest, I believe that's she both telling the truth and hiding something, if that makes any sense.
Like there's something she's scared to share but that she feels like what she's saying is true.

My mind has taking me in all sorts of strange directions on this...

What if she was assaulted and is scared?
What if she got drunk at one of her teacher conferences and woke up in a compromising position. but had no memory of what happened. She does drink, we both do, and during her fight with depression, she would every once in a while get black out drunk and not remember what happened the night before. That doesn't happen anymore, it's one of the things we worked on over the years.
What if she got tipsy and started to fool around before she got control of herself?
What if, what if, what if, what if... I have a very good imagination and that is not a comfort at the current time.

As long as we've known each other and as much as we've been through, I'm used to her telling me everything... to not having barriers, and there is one now.

What if she's as confused as I am and, as another poster suggested, she's posting about this on another forum on under another name on this one?

Key point is, I do not believe that she is currently cheating and that anything leading to this would have happened years ago.... far beyond any ability to verify.

Someone asked if I could go talk to my old 'friend' about what have happened between them. I wouldn't take his word if he said the sun was going to come up tomorrow. He threw his whole life away and is literally living in a "van down by the river".


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post #467 of 619 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 09:31 PM
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Re: Not sure what to do - Positive HPV test

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If she gave oral, the HPV would be in her mouth, not her genitals. It does not travel in the body.
Well crap. Didn't know that either!

She was involved in an orgy in which she used a dirty sex toy on HERSELF. Maybe she went on Howard Stern and rode that Sybian thing. Is that what that's called?

Or......most likely.....she cheated.

I'll get through this, one day at a time.
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post #468 of 619 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 09:33 PM
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Re: Not sure what to do - Positive HPV test

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If she gave oral, the HPV would be in her mouth, not her genitals. It does not travel in the body.


Or they had anal sex and her statement is still true that no one touched her genitals.
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post #469 of 619 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 09:36 PM
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Re: Not sure what to do - Positive HPV test

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Originally Posted by LosingHim View Post
Well crap. Didn't know that either!

She was involved in an orgy in which she used a dirty sex toy on HERSELF. Maybe she went on Howard Stern and rode that Sybian thing. Is that what that's called?

Or......most likely.....she cheated.
Or she got it from improperly cleaned doctor's instruments during examinations, or from her mother at birth. Or she was sexually molested as a child and does not remember.


or... or.. or....
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post #470 of 619 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 09:38 PM
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Re: Not sure what to do - Positive HPV test

3)***** Babies can get HPV from their mothers during delivery and from hand-genital contact during diaper changes.* Iíve seen babies less than a year old with genitals covered in HPV warts.* Other babies have HPV in their airway or vocal cords.* The devastated mothers are too embarrassed to tell anyone about their babyís illness.* It breaks my heart
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post #471 of 619 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 09:39 PM
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Re: Not sure what to do - Positive HPV test

The statement of two physicians indicated that it is very unlikely she was infected at a young age and the virus remained dominant for decades.
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post #472 of 619 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 09:39 PM
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Re: Not sure what to do - Positive HPV test

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Or they had anal sex and her statement is still true that no one touched her genitals.
The point is that at this time she is the only one who might know, and even she might not know
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post #473 of 619 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 09:40 PM
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Re: Not sure what to do - Positive HPV test

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The statement of two physicians indicated that it is very unlikely she was infected at a young age and the virus remained dominant for decades.
Unlikely still means that it's possible
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post #474 of 619 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 09:41 PM
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Re: Not sure what to do - Positive HPV test

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Or they had anal sex and her statement is still true that no one touched her genitals.
Then she would have the HPV rectally and not vaginally
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post #475 of 619 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 09:45 PM
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Re: Not sure what to do - Positive HPV test

Human papillomavirus infections in children: the potential role of maternal transmission.

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post #476 of 619 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 09:48 PM
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Re: Not sure what to do - Positive HPV test

I was an avid fan of the TV program "Castle". In one episode Castle was trying to find out how many men Beckett had been with. She looked at him and smiled and said, "Men, they want to know but they really don't want to know." If infidelity was happening now or recently I would say go for it. Find out what you want to know. Sometimes though, when what you seek is long in the past and especially when things are good and can continue to be good, it's just better to leave things as they are instead of creating a s--t storm and blowing everything up. I know because there was a time I didn't ask because it was long passed and all it would have accomplished would have been to create havoc in a marriage that was going great and has been great for the last 35 years. Many will say I was weak for not finding out the truth. They would be wrong. At the time I was a Special Forces soldier on an A-Team and knowing may have caused some man dire physical harm and I may never have looked at my wife the same way again. Sometimes, after much time has passed, you just don't need or should want to know. Just deal with the medical issue and drop the "I need to know" issue. Is this knowledge you seek really necessary to your well being or to the well being of your marriage? Our life is dictated by the choices we make and then we have to live with those choices. Chose wisely "Grasshopper". (Are you old enough to know who Grasshopper was?) I do wish you well.
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post #477 of 619 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 09:56 PM
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Re: Not sure what to do - Positive HPV test

It's a tough call, but again I would ask if it's really worth throwing away an otherwise good marriage over? Although slim, there is a chance that this was contracted in some way other than cheating. I doubt a VAR is going to clue you in, and if she finds it she will be extremely upset. Seriously, unless you think the previous friend would tell you the truth (you have stated this is doubtful), then your chances of getting the truth outside of a confession is almost zero.

At one point you said you could forgive cheating. Perhaps you should just focus on the future?

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post #478 of 619 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 10:08 PM
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Not sure what to do - Positive HPV test

Since the CDC on their website says in most cases the virus had less than a 2 year incubation period, it is most likely she was banging the fitness instructor.

Or someone else. Not Mr Locked Door.

Or she was abducted by aliens they used an unclean vaginal probe. Unlikely but possible.

But one plausible explanation is she was cheating and was sexually assaulted. Making out with someone, by her choice, but the guy didn't stop. Or she was drunk while flirting and was raped. To embarrassed to say anything because she was doing something improper that put her in that situation.

Or she cheated.

Last edited by blueinbr; 03-20-2017 at 10:24 PM.
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post #479 of 619 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 10:14 PM
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Re: Not sure what to do - Positive HPV test

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If she gave oral, the HPV would be in her mouth, not her genitals. It does not travel in the body.
Unless she transmitted it to the OP from oral, then he transmitted back to her PIV.

"Our ability to feel joy is directly related to how much pain we are willing to feel." - Mavash.

"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for." - Bob Marley
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post #480 of 619 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 10:17 PM
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Re: Not sure what to do - Positive HPV test

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Unless she transmitted it to the OP from oral, then he transmitted back to her PIV.
This is possible, I assume.
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