YOu said 'I actually consider virgin marriages to be a caution flag for possible infidelity at some point between vows and death.'
Its been shown that those who have had many partners before marriage are MORE likely to cheat than those who waited for marriage.
I did some research on the topic a couple years ago for a discussion on my religion-based forum.
Approximately 3% of marriages in the US are virgin marriages. The only studies I have found are published by religious organizations or are quoting the work of religious organizations. Meaning, the source is not neutral. These organizations have an agenda. Not to mention the sample sizes tend to be small-ish and not a good representation.
Additionally, these studies can't predict the future. Today's infidelity free marriage won't necessarily stay that way for the next 3 decades or so.
I really meant to touch on this yesterday, but it was a busy day for me and I never had the time.
If your wife is damn near ready for Sainthood, maybe that is more of an issue than you realized. Saints believe what others say, they trust too much, they're optimists and see the best in people. Saints tend to be easily manipulated by anyone with the least amount of skill. Personal trainers and guys like your "friend" are very skilled manipulators who specialize in separating women from their panties. Saints aren't always Saints. They feel temptations and they have moments of weakness. Moments of weakness a skilled manipulator can easily take advantage of.
Why do the wives and daughters this guy knows keep letting him into their beds knowing what he is? They know he isn't relationship material, but they very much enjoy his charming company and skill as a lover.
Why would your wife possibly mess around with him and then call you immediately after he tries again later? My guess would be something along the lines of she realized she made a mistake and wanted to prevent a repeat.
There is another gentleman on another forum who speaks of his wife of 15 years the exact same way you speak of yours. This man recently discovered his wife's affair and even has a full confession from his wife. He is doing gold medal level mental gymnastics to deflect responsibility for the affair from his wife because he STILL can't see her as someone who would do something like that. She literally, verbally and in writing, confessed to a full physical 6 month long affair and he can't wrap his mind around it because it just doesn't jive with what he knows of her character.
Don't be that guy. I'm not saying your wife cheated, but I am saying that you really, seriously, deeply, need to look at the total evidence, including your own intuition, and consider the possibility.
My mother had cervical cancer. She had two surgeries to remove the cancer before finally having a total hysterectomy. Her cancer never returned. I have had more than one pap show suspicious cells. My heart stops each and every time. Thankfully, so far, my re-tests have always come back clear.
Most recently, my doctor has discovered nodules on my thyroid. They may be cancerous. I have another scan in May and then, if the scan shows what she suspects from a physical exam, I'll probably be sent for a biopsy. My husband is alternating between freaking out and calmly explaining that I am not allowed to have cancer and he knows the testing will come back clean because he said so or something.
So, I know something of what you and your wife are going through with the cancer possibility. You can't do anything about it until the next test results are in. You can settle the question of fidelity in the mean time, though.