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post #91 of 598 (permalink) Old 03-01-2017, 09:41 PM
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Re: Not sure what to do - Positive HPV test

Hello, I just want to give you some reassurance.... The presence of abnormal cells this time may simply be NOTHING. I can only imagine how anxious all this is making making both of you feel. I am sure she has to go in a year and everything will be cleared up. As you did your research, there is a possibility one of your parents was/is a carrier... don't panic and don/t let your thoughts run wild. Try and keep sane and keep working on your marriage!!

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post #92 of 598 (permalink) Old 03-02-2017, 07:54 AM
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Re: Not sure what to do - Positive HPV test

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Originally Posted by FortheRecord View Post
I saw that he was at the house..... listened briefly, heard murmuring i think and I tried the door and found it locked

I hollered, pounded on the door, kicked it,
They got it unlocked and open before I got it open.

She was embarrassed and upset at my reaction, my 'friend' was laughing at me
So you are standing behind the door. Literally BANGING on it and SCREAMING.

They are right on the other side and REFUSE to open. Why don't you THINK for a second.

WHY would anyone need a minute to open the door if you are knocking and they KNOW its you.

I can think of only ONE answer Sherlock. TO PUT THEIR CLOSETS BACK ON. Stop being so damn NIAVE.

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I prefer, at this point, to believe that my wife intentionally cheating is impossible.

“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” - Maya Angelou

Last edited by BetrayedDad; 03-02-2017 at 08:04 AM.
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post #93 of 598 (permalink) Old 03-02-2017, 07:57 AM
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Re: Not sure what to do - Positive HPV test

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Originally Posted by LiveHumbly View Post
Hello, I just want to give you some reassurance.... The presence of abnormal cells this time may simply be NOTHING. I can only imagine how anxious all this is making making both of you feel. I am sure she has to go in a year and everything will be cleared up. As you did your research, there is a possibility one of your parents was/is a carrier... don't panic and don/t let your thoughts run wild. Try and keep sane and keep working on your marriage!!
If a parent is a carrier why has it only just shown up?
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post #94 of 598 (permalink) Old 03-02-2017, 08:56 AM
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Re: Not sure what to do - Positive HPV test

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YOu said 'I actually consider virgin marriages to be a caution flag for possible infidelity at some point between vows and death.'

Its been shown that those who have had many partners before marriage are MORE likely to cheat than those who waited for marriage.
I did some research on the topic a couple years ago for a discussion on my religion-based forum.

Approximately 3% of marriages in the US are virgin marriages. The only studies I have found are published by religious organizations or are quoting the work of religious organizations. Meaning, the source is not neutral. These organizations have an agenda. Not to mention the sample sizes tend to be small-ish and not a good representation.

Additionally, these studies can't predict the future. Today's infidelity free marriage won't necessarily stay that way for the next 3 decades or so.


@FortheRecord

I really meant to touch on this yesterday, but it was a busy day for me and I never had the time.

If your wife is damn near ready for Sainthood, maybe that is more of an issue than you realized. Saints believe what others say, they trust too much, they're optimists and see the best in people. Saints tend to be easily manipulated by anyone with the least amount of skill. Personal trainers and guys like your "friend" are very skilled manipulators who specialize in separating women from their panties. Saints aren't always Saints. They feel temptations and they have moments of weakness. Moments of weakness a skilled manipulator can easily take advantage of.

Why do the wives and daughters this guy knows keep letting him into their beds knowing what he is? They know he isn't relationship material, but they very much enjoy his charming company and skill as a lover.

Why would your wife possibly mess around with him and then call you immediately after he tries again later? My guess would be something along the lines of she realized she made a mistake and wanted to prevent a repeat.

There is another gentleman on another forum who speaks of his wife of 15 years the exact same way you speak of yours. This man recently discovered his wife's affair and even has a full confession from his wife. He is doing gold medal level mental gymnastics to deflect responsibility for the affair from his wife because he STILL can't see her as someone who would do something like that. She literally, verbally and in writing, confessed to a full physical 6 month long affair and he can't wrap his mind around it because it just doesn't jive with what he knows of her character.

Don't be that guy. I'm not saying your wife cheated, but I am saying that you really, seriously, deeply, need to look at the total evidence, including your own intuition, and consider the possibility.

My mother had cervical cancer. She had two surgeries to remove the cancer before finally having a total hysterectomy. Her cancer never returned. I have had more than one pap show suspicious cells. My heart stops each and every time. Thankfully, so far, my re-tests have always come back clear.

Most recently, my doctor has discovered nodules on my thyroid. They may be cancerous. I have another scan in May and then, if the scan shows what she suspects from a physical exam, I'll probably be sent for a biopsy. My husband is alternating between freaking out and calmly explaining that I am not allowed to have cancer and he knows the testing will come back clean because he said so or something.

So, I know something of what you and your wife are going through with the cancer possibility. You can't do anything about it until the next test results are in. You can settle the question of fidelity in the mean time, though.

Follow the evidence where it leads and question everything.
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post #95 of 598 (permalink) Old 03-02-2017, 11:29 AM
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Re: Not sure what to do - Positive HPV test

It seems totally off that the two of them would be in a room together with the door closed. With the door locked I can see why you were kicking on the door.
At the time you were in a sexless marriage.
The two of you weren't getting along.....why?
It turns out your friend was picking all the low hanging fruit among your friends and more.
You were away from home often.
Your wife is a teacher but sahm at the time.
Now she has a std.
So many red flags I don't think you will ever believe nothing happened without a poly. The only way it could look worse is if they were in a bedroom.
Like others have said, the number of trainers being the third wheel in a marriage around here is unbelievable. Cheating teachers and nurses too.

Did your wife do work in the office? Except for being able to lock the door, why wouldn't they have been in the kitchen, living room, great room, or family room. It makes zero sense to me they would have been in the original e or a bedroom.

Why were the two of you have such serious issues that you were not have sex with each other? Under normal circumstances everyone that has as many redflags waving as you do the odds there were cheating, and you coming here, would be nearly one hundred percent.

I hope you're the one in a thousand.

The best thing is that she told you about it so quickly. If she knew she had been with someone else
I would think she would wait and see what a second test revealed and avoid making it look like she had been unfaithful.
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post #96 of 598 (permalink) Old 03-02-2017, 11:41 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Not sure what to do - Positive HPV test

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Why did she need to lock the door if you weren't home? Why did she need to lock the door at all?
The memory is fuzzy but I believe in hindsight that she was surprised, not just by me but by the door being locked... and that it may have been the guy who did it with intention. It wouldn't have been just for me, our two sons were also home at the time.
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post #97 of 598 (permalink) Old 03-02-2017, 11:43 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Not sure what to do - Positive HPV test

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So she was inside a locked room and didnt know that it was locked? Really???
that's the conclusion I eventually came to and I've accepted for a long time.
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post #98 of 598 (permalink) Old 03-02-2017, 11:45 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Not sure what to do - Positive HPV test

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I told her I was faithful. Did you ask the question from her?
She said as much in the conversation.
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post #99 of 598 (permalink) Old 03-02-2017, 11:46 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Not sure what to do - Positive HPV test

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You both need to get polygraphs.
Something I'm definitely considering along with marriage counseling. I do think I'll wait until after the tests come back.
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post #100 of 598 (permalink) Old 03-02-2017, 11:48 AM
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Re: Not sure what to do - Positive HPV test

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Originally Posted by FortheRecord View Post
The memory is fuzzy but I believe in hindsight that she was surprised, not just by me but by the door being locked... and that it may have been the guy who did it with intention. It wouldn't have been just for me, our two sons were also home at the time.
What mother would lock a door to keep her kids out? Quite possible the OM did lock the door. None the less....closed door in your home...OM. I can assure you any mom with kids in the home would keep a door open for them to access her without issue. Your W left the door closed. I'm doing my best to believe nothing was happening but it is very very hard not to believe possible inappropriate advances met with inappropriate touching from both parties.


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post #101 of 598 (permalink) Old 03-02-2017, 11:48 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Not sure what to do - Positive HPV test

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You've been 'exclusive' for 29 years, right? I am no doctor, but that would have to be a record for dormancy of a viral infection?? Trust your gut.
Normally I would agree but HPV seems to be a different animal from what I've read. Detection of it even in women is relatively recent. There's only be FDA approved tests since 1999 and they were unreliable. Even the tests conducted today are considered dodgy. It is very possible it could have been present before and missed.
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post #102 of 598 (permalink) Old 03-02-2017, 11:52 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Not sure what to do - Positive HPV test

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Originally Posted by She'sStillGotIt View Post
Man, DaNile ain't just a river in Egypt, is it?

Keep making ridiculous assumptions about how innocent and Godlike your wife is and you'll continue to find nasty little surprises like this HPV scare that proves otherwise.

Hold off on that Sainthood ceremony you're planning for her. Maybe it will open your eyes.
Never said innocent or Godlike... She has her weaknesses and flaws.. I'm not blind to them. So do I, so do we all.
There's a significant gap between flawed, well meaning and deliberately malicious, calculating. Obviously, recent experiences with people I've also known for a long time, I realize that some one like that can hide in plain sight... I'm just not ready to assume my wife is in that category without further evidence and verification.
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post #103 of 598 (permalink) Old 03-02-2017, 11:52 AM
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Re: Not sure what to do - Positive HPV test

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Originally Posted by FortheRecord View Post
Normally I would agree but HPV seems to be a different animal from what I've read. Detection of it even in women is relatively recent. There's only be FDA approved tests since 1999 and they were unreliable. Even the tests conducted today are considered dodgy. It is very possible it could have been present before and missed.
Second test from a different lab I would believe to be prudent.

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post #104 of 598 (permalink) Old 03-02-2017, 11:53 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Not sure what to do - Positive HPV test

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Originally Posted by LiveHumbly View Post
Hello, I just want to give you some reassurance.... The presence of abnormal cells this time may simply be NOTHING. I can only imagine how anxious all this is making making both of you feel. I am sure she has to go in a year and everything will be cleared up. As you did your research, there is a possibility one of your parents was/is a carrier... don't panic and don/t let your thoughts run wild. Try and keep sane and keep working on your marriage!!
I appreciate this. Thank you.
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post #105 of 598 (permalink) Old 03-02-2017, 11:54 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Not sure what to do - Positive HPV test

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Originally Posted by BetrayedDad View Post
So you are standing behind the door. Literally BANGING on it and SCREAMING.

They are right on the other side and REFUSE to open. Why don't you THINK for a second.

WHY would anyone need a minute to open the door if you are knocking and they KNOW its you.

I can think of only ONE answer Sherlock. TO PUT THEIR CLOSETS BACK ON. Stop being so damn NIAVE.



This thought did occur to me at the time and has come back to my mind now.
That's why I'm posting about this and asking for advice.

Last edited by FortheRecord; 03-02-2017 at 11:55 AM. Reason: update
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