Not sure what to do - Positive HPV test - Page 9 - Talk About Marriage
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post #121 of 598 (permalink) Old 03-02-2017, 02:43 PM
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Re: Not sure what to do - Positive HPV test

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Originally Posted by FortheRecord View Post
The situation is just as Primerose describes above.
My wife had an abnormal result 6 months ago, 2 weeks ago she a retest and an HPV test I guess. 2 days ago they gave here the results and did the next test where they take tissue for further testing. they are also doing a second HPV test at the same time. Those results are all due back on March 10th.
then put everything on hold until after the 2nd test come back, there's no reason to get yourself upset and disrupt your relationship with your wife until then....all your doing is expending energy that should be focused on her health and your well-being...come back then, and then with an answer you can move forward one way or another. you have received good advice should the answer be positive, but if is negative, then move forward with your lives.

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post #122 of 598 (permalink) Old 03-02-2017, 02:44 PM
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Re: Not sure what to do - Positive HPV test

Fortherecord

I haven't seen anyone ask this question yet and I really hate to kick a subject that's been scrutinized heavily, the locked door. When you came home, your wife was not in the kite or bedroom I believe you stated. You then heard her talking in your office area with the door closed. Now you seem to be a pretty sharp guy, but it seems something obvious has been overlooked. Now you found the door locked, I assume began banging on the door, to which there was a pause. But they opened the door just before you were about to gain entry. Your wife was surprised, well, you weren't supposed to be there, but your friend laughed.

Your wife is behind a closed, locked door, with a male. Your kids were 3 years of age and less then one year, correct? Who was watching them? Did they lock the door to keep the kids out? What were the children doing? Even if she comes back and says they were napping, could she have heard them through a closed door? That's the red flag I have seen with the closed locked door.

Don't believe everything you hear, and only half of what you see.


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post #123 of 598 (permalink) Old 03-02-2017, 02:44 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Not sure what to do - Positive HPV test

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Unfortunately you are on an infidelity forum. You posted here, we didn't ask you to post here. Now please bare with me for a minute. I'm not saying that to be hostile as I will explain.

Obviously with you posting on an infidelity site, you did it for a reason, because it is your suspicion. Your audience is a group that have been betrayed and a great many of them still feel the pain of that betrayal. This will influence the nature and the tone of their response because frankly, for many of them the first go to reaction is that your spouse is cheating, leave and never look back.
I appreciate your questions and your story.

I'm posting here because I have concerns... suspicions .... and there literally no one I can talk to about them in my life. to quote an officer and a gentleman "I got no where else to go". I have no one else I can discuss this with without implicating my wife in something of which, she may be completely innocent and I can't share the level of detail I've provided here with anyone in my life that doesn't know her extremely well. Many of these are cherished secrets that she's entrusted me with which I would never share with anyone that could associate them with my wife. Anonymity has here and allows me to share more than I would in any other forum.

I also need the different and, at time, extreme opinions to help me understand what's possible based on other people's experiences. Frankly, I was also hoping that some/most would read my initial post and tell me I was crazy for even suspecting anything and that I should go and ask for forgiveness for even entertaining the idea.
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post #124 of 598 (permalink) Old 03-02-2017, 02:47 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Not sure what to do - Positive HPV test

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Originally Posted by Xenote View Post
then put everything on hold until after the 2nd test come back, there's no reason to get yourself upset and disrupt your relationship with your wife until then....all your doing is expending energy that should be focused on her health and your well-being...come back then, and then with an answer you can move forward one way or another. you have received good advice should the answer be positive, but if is negative, then move forward with your lives.
This is the conclusion I'm coming to... At first I was unsure I could wait until the 10th but I think, based on the input I've received, that, while I have a lot to think about, I will probably be good waiting another week for some kind of confirmation.
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post #125 of 598 (permalink) Old 03-02-2017, 02:56 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Not sure what to do - Positive HPV test

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Originally Posted by Primrose View Post

So I go back for a re-test. Abnormal again. Presence of HPV. Insert colposcopy (removal of abnormal tissue to have biopsied). Those results came back as low-grade dysplasia. I went back again three months later and those cells were now Atypical (which is a step down). Went back again 3 months later and my pap came back normal, thank goodness. I've gone one more time since and it is still normal.

I will say this, and I say this knowing the pain of being with someone who I never, in a million years, would have strayed. I do believe your wife has been unfaithful to you. Maybe not any time recently, but definitely within a handful of years. Yes, I am fully aware that there is a minute chance of contracting HPV via gyms or unsanitary medical examining tables, but that's such a stretch given some of the situations you have found your wife in.

With that said, let's wait until her next test comes in.
So, while I'm not certain about the first abnormal result(6 months or so ago I think) , the test a couple of weeks ago was the follow up with the HPV test. that lead to the results, colposcopy and conversation of two days ago. I'm praying that the results we get in a week are negative for Cancer, CIN and HPV and that I've wasted everyone's time on here for the past two days. Glad to hear that there were no long term effects from your own exposure.
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post #126 of 598 (permalink) Old 03-02-2017, 03:02 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Not sure what to do - Positive HPV test

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Originally Posted by drifting on View Post
Fortherecord

I haven't seen anyone ask this question yet and I really hate to kick a subject that's been scrutinized heavily, the locked door. When you came home, your wife was not in the kite or bedroom I believe you stated. You then heard her talking in your office area with the door closed. Now you seem to be a pretty sharp guy, but it seems something obvious has been overlooked. Now you found the door locked, I assume began banging on the door, to which there was a pause. But they opened the door just before you were about to gain entry. Your wife was surprised, well, you weren't supposed to be there, but your friend laughed.

Your wife is behind a closed, locked door, with a male. Your kids were 3 years of age and less then one year, correct? Who was watching them? Did they lock the door to keep the kids out? What were the children doing? Even if she comes back and says they were napping, could she have heard them through a closed door? That's the red flag I have seen with the closed locked door.
I don't have a clear answer to this... I've shared what I remembered and I suppose I was satisfied with the response at the time but the fact that it was one of the first things to occur to me after so many years when the possibility of infidelity appeared via the HPV test makes me think that I never fully resolved this in my mind... again, also coming on the heels of the complete deconstruction of the guy involved. You have to remember, at the time, he was my friend, a loyal husband and father.... I wouldn't have suspected him of unfaithfulness to his wife, his wife certainly didn't...
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post #127 of 598 (permalink) Old 03-02-2017, 03:11 PM
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Re: Not sure what to do - Positive HPV test

I agree with everyone about the second test. If it does come back positive, you have to face the truth that it's far FAR more likely she cheated than it lying dormant for decades or her some how picking it up from non-sexual contact. Those cases are incredibly rare but cheating is unfortunately much more common.

I think there's a reason why the locked door is on everyone's minds. It's very bizarre. I actually had a similar experience of being unknowingly locked in by a guy that was interested in me but no one was busting down the door. I realized it when I tried to leave and saw that the door was locked. I don't know if it was out of habit or what was going through this guy's mind when he did it but embarrassment was the absolute last thing that I felt. At first I was surprised and a little shocked. Then massively uncomfortable and unsafe. If my husband was banging on the door and worried because of it, I'd be angry too because this "friend's" actions also would have caused marital strife for me. By the way, this happened when I was single and in college so it's not an infidelity related situation. Regardless, it is so weird to me that she was embarrassed because that is typically what someone feels when they're caught in a compromising situation. It's usually not what someone feels when their boundaries have been violated especially by a known boundary pusher like that "friend".
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post #128 of 598 (permalink) Old 03-02-2017, 03:23 PM
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Re: Not sure what to do - Positive HPV test

You will drive yourself crazy here. By the end of the day, half of the people here will have you convinced your wife cheated. Because pretty much everyone here in this forum has been betrayed or is the betrayer. Iíve been both. Most recently the betrayed. A few years ago, the betrayer. A lot of people here that have been betrayed canít look at anything as anything BUT infidelity. OMG, she was in the same ROOM as another man? Dump her cheating, wh*re a$$! But on the other hand, SO many people here have given the benefit of the doubt (I did) and been burned. Almost every story of suspected infidelity that comes through here ends up being confirmed infidelity. Weíve seen it a hundred times.

Youíll notice that people are focusing on the locked door. How long it took her to open it. How long was the delay in her opening the door after you started banging on it? Minutes? Seconds? You heard her talking, right? Thatís what drew you to that room. What kind of voices did you hear? You may not have heard words, but you probably heard tone of voice, inflection, etc. My husband generally goes outside when he gets a phone call (I do the same thing, I feel the need to pace when Iím talking and I donít want to hear the TV, the kids, etc.) I can generally hear him talking, but I canít make out the exact words. I can usually tell who he is talking to by the tone of his voice though. I can tell when itís a male friend because the tone and inflection is a little higher pitched, I may hear a word or two of slang thrown in there. Laughing. If heís talking to his mom, I donít hear a lot of actual talking from him, I hear a lot of ďuh huhĒ and ďyeahĒ, long pauses. If itís a business contact or someone he doesnít know well, itís rather even toned, business like, a lot of thank you and please. Strictly business tone of voice. So what did you hear? What tone of voice? Giggling and laughing? Hushed tones? Anger? Pleasurable sounds? It still doesnít make much sense that the door was locked if they didnít think anyone was home. What was their appearance when the door opened? Flushed? Nervous? Disheveled? Panicky? Voices shaky? How easily do your doors lock? My parents have a bathroom with a door handle that will lock if youíre not paying attention when you close the door. Because all it takes to lock it is to push in the handle. My doors in my current home thereís just a little turn knob, but you have to physically turn it 90 degrees to lock. My old house had all skeleton key locks. We have one door in our house know that just doesnít lock. How difficult is that door to lock? Is it feasible that he could have easily secretly locked it without her knowing? When you banged on the door and said it was locked, did you hear her say ďWhy is the door locked?Ē Or did she say something along the lines of ďhold on, the door is locked?Ē How far is this room into your home? Upstairs? By the front entrance? What reason would they have to be in this room? Is there a computer in there and she was showing him something? How normal is it for you to shut doors in your home when you walk in a room? I have 3 dogs. Theyíll all run in my room and jump on my bed if Iím not careful. So regardless of whatever reason Iím going into my bedroom, I will shut the door. Even if itís just to take my shoes off. But yet, unless Iím using the rest room, I never shut the bathroom door.

I'll get through this, one day at a time.
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post #129 of 598 (permalink) Old 03-02-2017, 03:34 PM
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Re: Not sure what to do - Positive HPV test

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It still doesnít make much sense that the door was locked if they didnít think anyone was home.
Sure it does, it's why people are focused on the door, but he needs to just let it go for now. A week vs. an entire change to your marriage is nothing. He can actually calm down and stop trying to find ways to be right or wrong.
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post #130 of 598 (permalink) Old 03-02-2017, 03:35 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Not sure what to do - Positive HPV test

I'll just go on record and say that I probably didn't investigate the incident with the lock door to the extent I should especially in light of what my friend turned out to be. You all have raised concerns that did not occur to me at the time and highlighted the fact that I accepted on face value a number of assertions. If the tests come back positive again, I will probably start the conversation there and see where it leads us.


Last edited by FortheRecord; 03-02-2017 at 03:36 PM. Reason: spelling
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post #131 of 598 (permalink) Old 03-02-2017, 04:03 PM
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Re: Not sure what to do - Positive HPV test

I'm not concerned about the locked door. I'm concerned about this: Physical training sessions with a male trainer in a private location

You DO realize why most trainers aren't married, right?

However, it's all nothing IF the second test come back negative. If it's positive, she needs to confess whatever it is she's hiding, my friend.
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post #132 of 598 (permalink) Old 03-02-2017, 04:13 PM
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Re: Not sure what to do - Positive HPV test

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I'm not concerned about the locked door. I'm concerned about this: Physical training sessions with a male trainer in a private location

You DO realize why most trainers aren't married, right?

However, it's all nothing IF the second test come back negative. If it's positive, she needs to confess whatever it is she's hiding, my friend.
One in four women admit SNOGGING their personal trainers in survey that will shock hubbies - Mirror Online
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post #133 of 598 (permalink) Old 03-02-2017, 04:38 PM
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Re: Not sure what to do - Positive HPV test

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Originally Posted by FortheRecord View Post
So, while I'm not certain about the first abnormal result(6 months or so ago I think) , the test a couple of weeks ago was the follow up with the HPV test. that lead to the results, colposcopy and conversation of two days ago. I'm praying that the results we get in a week are negative for Cancer, CIN and HPV and that I've wasted everyone's time on here for the past two days. Glad to hear that there were no long term effects from your own exposure.
If she's already had the colposcopy, then she does, indeed, have HPV. The colposcopy just determines how much dysplasia/abnormal growth is in the abnormal cells and if further treatment is necessary. Luckily mine was caught before it could turn high risk and ended up resolving without needing further treatment after the colpo. I pray your wife's does the same.
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post #134 of 598 (permalink) Old 03-02-2017, 04:58 PM
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Re: Not sure what to do - Positive HPV test

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However, it's all nothing IF the second test come back negative.
I hate to throw a monkey wrench into the equation, but this may not be entirely correct. As Primrose pointed out, many people fight it off naturally so isn't it possible that it was initially positive (cheating?) but is now negative (immune system fighting it off)?

Regardless of the test results, he may never know the full truth .

(Disclaimer: I'm certainly no doctor--maybe if it really is HPV the results can't change from positive to negative that quickly...?)

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post #135 of 598 (permalink) Old 03-02-2017, 05:09 PM
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Re: Not sure what to do - Positive HPV test

Forget for a moment that the door was locked. I'm having trouble even understanding why she was behind a closed door with another man. Either he closed it or she did--she certainly noticed it was closed in any case. I can't imagine any married woman I know doing this, especially when her husband is out of the house. To the women I know, allowing it to even happen would be sending an "I'm available" signal.
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