Confession time...and update. - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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post #31 of 42 (permalink) Old 03-17-2017, 11:02 PM
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Re: Confession time...and update.

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Okay...I have not been entirely honest with you all about extenuating troubles in my marriage. For valid reasons (I might add) But the need for dishonesty is no longer needed.

My husband is a Pot head. (I am one too to a degree) Washington legalized rec. weed almost two years ago I think... Maybe less. But anyway beside the point. He was a heavy pot head before my major car accident. I smoked on weekends, and sometimes after kids went to bed. But i was NOT a heavy user. Because I was not a very heavy user it was harder for my husband to lay off the weed suddenly because I was smoking for pain and getting stoned with him too now. (Yes i have a prescription, but he does not. And the reason is because they prescribed me percocet all the time and muscle relaxers, and it was too much too handle. I needed to not get dangerously addicted to pills.)

Anyway, you can imagine that his work would not smile kindly upon that. So while he smoked any reference to our use of it could jeopardize his job. So this is why the lack of full truth.

His smoking WAS off the charts, spending 600-800$ a MONTH on his/my habit, and me buying it for him (enabling him) My pain keeping me feeling like I needed it...AND not feeling I had any room to speak because I was using too. So, things didn't get done. Dreams didn't get built. Depression gets DEEPER AND DEEPER. Our marriage keeps crumbling.

He never wanted to do anything, (Because if he was home he was stoned, and it was rubbing off more and more on me. I stopped just medicating, now I was using it to cope with life. Something my husband had done for a long long time before. ((Years))

We were not present for the kids, we became angry at each other because we felt stuck... I wanted him to quit, but how can I ask that when I use too?

Well, things have completely 180'd in life, and I never want to go back to that way again.




We made a few LAYERED deals. Deal one. He wants an exclusive BDSM relationship for the next 6 months. Im master. (we are one month in)

I don't buy him weed, I can buy my medication for myself, but since he wont be smoking I can go to using it STRICTLY as medication (since that is the point of it, not to be abused).

On his side, a further motivation is I do yoga EVERYDAY for 30 min, for every day he is sober. We have a deal here too.

I am also pairing the yoga everyday with eating right, but that is not any part of the deal. Food habits are too easily broken, but 30 min a day Yoga I CAN DO.

With this time, He is sober now and we have saved nearly 700$ this month.

I am saving every dollar we used to spend on the weed and Im saving it in an account and we are using that to make our dreams happen.

I am so sorry for not shedding light on this facet of our story, but being that he is sober now and intends to be for life I feel it's an okay time to share this.


My plan? Yoga everyday, and eating right may help me lose the extra weight Im carrying in hopes that being in less pain will mean I can quit weed too. It's not good on my lungs and with my heart and health history I want to be 100% sober.
(I have tried MANY other medications. I don't want to damage my liver or kidneys. and this is chronic pain so unless I can get rid of the pain all together I may need to take something for life, but doctors think if I lost 50-80lbs, I would no longer have so much pain. So...Im going with that. I am hoping we will be a 100% sober household in a few months to a year.

My husband has completely changed in regards to weed. He does not miss smoking. He does not miss coughing, he just has rage at times, (Weed withdrawl) Because its BDSM, i can punish and control his anger. I have tools I and can lock him up or ball gag him. Sounds kinky...but in my mind off and on the last three four weeks he was a bit of an ass hole and I really had to do something. Well....it seems to work. The moment I think he is triggery with rage I send him to our room, I lock him up and gag him and tell him to go ahead and scream. He screams till he is hoarse and tired, then when he is tired I let him out.

Its utterly strange this new dynamic, but somehow currently its working and keeping us both accountable and in check.

I keep getting hopeful that this will work, and it seems to be, but this is not my idea of normal. Do we really just make our own rules in a marriage if we want?

Finances just got a hell of a LOT easier, His attitude when not ragy is AMAZING, not just submissive, he plays with the kids, he is happy and engaged... I have not seen him like this in years.

I am scared to death that it will go back to the way it was a month ago, (And i didn't even realize back then was bad, i thought it was improving, but this... this is 180 a different life, a different man. I don't know how to explain my surprise. But there is also fear... Fear that this will all derail. That because we were this good that the derailment will be devastating. I don't know if i have it in me to come back from another failure.

So, i have a lot of good to update, but also a lot of unsure feelings.
To each his own I say, but that seems really screwed up to me, but hey who am I to judge.

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post #32 of 42 (permalink) Old 03-17-2017, 11:10 PM
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Re: Confession time...and update.

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thanks mods for the deleting. I will behave. Now i can move on. Seeing that **** was a hella trigger for me. Thanks again guys.

I dont feel safe here at all, but it is nice to see so many are not like that.


To make a confession and basically be called a liar...well you can imagine it hurts. It takes vulnerability to make a confession. And i'm not sure i can be vulnerable again.
If something triggers you, report it. Use the little triangle button at the lower left of each post to report. Do not do go ballistic, name call, curse, and verbally attack others.
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post #33 of 42 (permalink) Old 03-17-2017, 11:49 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Confession time...and update.

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If something triggers you, report it. Use the little triangle button at the lower left of each post to report. Do not do go ballistic, name call, curse, and verbally attack others.

I was not aware of the triangle function. I will utilize it. Thank you.
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post #34 of 42 (permalink) Old 03-18-2017, 12:03 PM
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Confession time...and update.

Stars,

If you don't feel safe posting this way, you can create a private social group and invite only the posters you trust.

You can go back through your threads and find the members who have been helpful.

And if anyone pissed you off, you can just block them from posting again.

Take a break from here. Come back when you are ready.

You have friends here.
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post #35 of 42 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 11:29 AM
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Re: Confession time...and update.

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If something triggers you, report it. Use the little triangle button at the lower left of each post to report. Do not do go ballistic, name call, curse, and verbally attack others.


I don't see a little triangle button on Tapatalk??


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post #36 of 42 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 11:52 AM
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Re: Confession time...and update.

Touch the post you want to report, then hit the menu button. There should be a report option in your menu.

"Our ability to feel joy is directly related to how much pain we are willing to feel." - Mavash.

"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for." - Bob Marley
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post #37 of 42 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 12:28 PM
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Re: Confession time...and update.

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Touch the post you want to report, then hit the menu button. There should be a report option in your menu.


Ah! Thanks farside ...


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post #38 of 42 (permalink) Old 05-17-2017, 06:03 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Confession time...and update.

Okay... I have had a hard time coming back to update for two reasons, One being every time i do an update its like i Jinx myself. i also have been shy because of the earlier posts with Bowser attacking me about lying to you guys... i have been less willing to open up about my life further. I hope you all understand.

I lurk regularly and post occasionally... But for the most part i don't know if i can be as vulnerable again.

WH has acted perfectly, especially since he is no longer having withdrawls from weed. I have successfully quit too. I am on good medications, I cant remember if i listed them before, but they are mild, but still do the trick.

We have so much more money now than we know what to do with. All money stresses of not having enough are gone, and we are routinely putting 400-600$ away a month. In no time we will have full amount for property. Not sure when, but we have managed to save over 3,000$ in just a matter of two and a half months.

He is so present in the family. He told me this last weekend that he thinks now we will make it. That from his perspective he is both happy with me, family and most importantly himself. He told me he is finally acting in a way he is proud of. And it shows.

He thought of his mother on mothers day, and got her a huge bouquet of flowers, and I told him not to buy me any. That i rather a plant that will live. I still have not picked the plant. Im thinking of another Meyre Lemon. I had one and it died tragically from my mother over watering it while she house sat a while back.

We bought a nice canvas bell tent and a little hunters stove and we had the most epic camping trip at Sol Duc this last weekend. It was wet and magical and.... Honestly im not so angry anymore. I dont look at infidelity websites quite so much... I dont have livid feelings for my husband crop up at certain moments of the day, or trigger as often. I finally feel like im given a chance to heal because he stopped messing up so bad.

Things are on the up, and i have true hope...(fingers crossed i dont jinx myself here) that we just might get through this.

Oh...and got rid of the shed as a little husband sized dog house and moved all lawn equipment into it. So now my husband feels more secure that phase is over with. I think this means we are currently in the Reconciliation instead of just aspiring to it.
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post #39 of 42 (permalink) Old 05-22-2017, 03:12 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Confession time...and update.

Another update.

Its been a weird weekend. Friday a random guy (Cant give any direct information, because its in the news and easy to look up) Tried to kill himself in our yard next to my car on the street not more than ten feet from where i was sitting in my dining room with my baby upstairs. The older kids at school and husband at work. The police were trying to track him down and they finally did right outside my house. Seeing cops with the BIG GUNS pointed directly at my house....What a trip.

Anyway, i spent all of friday tied up with cops and investigation to figure out if the guy did indeed shoot himself. My car could not be moved. It was crazy....

Saturday was normal, calm, happy even.

Then sunday our oldest dog, (Gracie 13 years this august) woke up with heart problems. We hoped she would mellow out a little and get better but it looked very bad, and was so hard to watch. Luckily the vet clinic I take my dogs gave me the phone number of a house call vet who could help us figure out her problem and put her to sleep if indeed she needed it. Gracie was very anxious about the vet clinic and did not like all the stuff she had to go through for her routine physicals even though as long as i had her (10 years) she was never sick. Either way it was costly to have her put to sleep at home, but because we are not so bad with money right now we did not bat an eye when we had to pay a hand full of 100s. We were able to give her the dignity and comfort she deserved.

My husband sobbed. He loved our dog, we all did. She was very much a perfect fit in every way for us. I will have a Whippet again one day.

We all came together as a family and I felt strong even in our sadness. WH is being sensitive and open, more honest than he has ever been. Its nice to be doing whats right for everyone and feel whole while doing it.
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post #40 of 42 (permalink) Old 05-22-2017, 04:37 PM
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Re: Confession time...and update.

Um...forgive me. Is there a companion thread to this one because I don't understand why this thread is in CWI?

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post #41 of 42 (permalink) Old 05-22-2017, 11:54 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Confession time...and update.

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Um...forgive me. Is there a companion thread to this one because I don't understand why this thread is in CWI?
I guess you are new to my threads, My husband is a WH, we have been trying to cope with the aftermath of infidelity.... I did not realize that was not obvious?

I dont believe i am breaking any rules here.
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post #42 of 42 (permalink) Old 05-23-2017, 04:34 AM
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Re: Confession time...and update.

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Originally Posted by threelittlestars View Post
I guess you are new to my threads, My husband is a WH, we have been trying to cope with the aftermath of infidelity.... I did not realize that was not obvious?

I dont believe i am breaking any rules here.
Nope. You're not. Carry on.
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