Confession time...and update. - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 37 (permalink) Old 03-01-2017, 11:51 AM Thread Starter
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Confession time...and update.

Okay...I have not been entirely honest with you all about extenuating troubles in my marriage. For valid reasons (I might add) But the need for dishonesty is no longer needed.

My husband is a Pot head. (I am one too to a degree) Washington legalized rec. weed almost two years ago I think... Maybe less. But anyway beside the point. He was a heavy pot head before my major car accident. I smoked on weekends, and sometimes after kids went to bed. But i was NOT a heavy user. Because I was not a very heavy user it was harder for my husband to lay off the weed suddenly because I was smoking for pain and getting stoned with him too now. (Yes i have a prescription, but he does not. And the reason is because they prescribed me percocet all the time and muscle relaxers, and it was too much too handle. I needed to not get dangerously addicted to pills.)

Anyway, you can imagine that his work would not smile kindly upon that. So while he smoked any reference to our use of it could jeopardize his job. So this is why the lack of full truth.

His smoking WAS off the charts, spending 600-800$ a MONTH on his/my habit, and me buying it for him (enabling him) My pain keeping me feeling like I needed it...AND not feeling I had any room to speak because I was using too. So, things didn't get done. Dreams didn't get built. Depression gets DEEPER AND DEEPER. Our marriage keeps crumbling.

He never wanted to do anything, (Because if he was home he was stoned, and it was rubbing off more and more on me. I stopped just medicating, now I was using it to cope with life. Something my husband had done for a long long time before. ((Years))

We were not present for the kids, we became angry at each other because we felt stuck... I wanted him to quit, but how can I ask that when I use too?

Well, things have completely 180'd in life, and I never want to go back to that way again.




We made a few LAYERED deals. Deal one. He wants an exclusive BDSM relationship for the next 6 months. Im master. (we are one month in)

I don't buy him weed, I can buy my medication for myself, but since he wont be smoking I can go to using it STRICTLY as medication (since that is the point of it, not to be abused).

On his side, a further motivation is I do yoga EVERYDAY for 30 min, for every day he is sober. We have a deal here too.

I am also pairing the yoga everyday with eating right, but that is not any part of the deal. Food habits are too easily broken, but 30 min a day Yoga I CAN DO.

With this time, He is sober now and we have saved nearly 700$ this month.

I am saving every dollar we used to spend on the weed and Im saving it in an account and we are using that to make our dreams happen.

I am so sorry for not shedding light on this facet of our story, but being that he is sober now and intends to be for life I feel it's an okay time to share this.


My plan? Yoga everyday, and eating right may help me lose the extra weight Im carrying in hopes that being in less pain will mean I can quit weed too. It's not good on my lungs and with my heart and health history I want to be 100% sober.
(I have tried MANY other medications. I don't want to damage my liver or kidneys. and this is chronic pain so unless I can get rid of the pain all together I may need to take something for life, but doctors think if I lost 50-80lbs, I would no longer have so much pain. So...Im going with that. I am hoping we will be a 100% sober household in a few months to a year.

My husband has completely changed in regards to weed. He does not miss smoking. He does not miss coughing, he just has rage at times, (Weed withdrawl) Because its BDSM, i can punish and control his anger. I have tools I and can lock him up or ball gag him. Sounds kinky...but in my mind off and on the last three four weeks he was a bit of an ass hole and I really had to do something. Well....it seems to work. The moment I think he is triggery with rage I send him to our room, I lock him up and gag him and tell him to go ahead and scream. He screams till he is hoarse and tired, then when he is tired I let him out.

Its utterly strange this new dynamic, but somehow currently its working and keeping us both accountable and in check.

I keep getting hopeful that this will work, and it seems to be, but this is not my idea of normal. Do we really just make our own rules in a marriage if we want?

Finances just got a hell of a LOT easier, His attitude when not ragy is AMAZING, not just submissive, he plays with the kids, he is happy and engaged... I have not seen him like this in years.

I am scared to death that it will go back to the way it was a month ago, (And i didn't even realize back then was bad, i thought it was improving, but this... this is 180 a different life, a different man. I don't know how to explain my surprise. But there is also fear... Fear that this will all derail. That because we were this good that the derailment will be devastating. I don't know if i have it in me to come back from another failure.

So, i have a lot of good to update, but also a lot of unsure feelings.

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post #2 of 37 (permalink) Old 03-01-2017, 12:26 PM
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Re: Confession time...and update.

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Originally Posted by threelittlestars View Post
My husband has completely changed in regards to weed. He does not miss smoking. He does not miss coughing, he just has rage at times, (Weed withdrawl) Because its BDSM, i can punish and control his anger. I have tools I and can lock him up or ball gag him.
If you guys aren't in marriage counseling yet, I'd sign up. Like TODAY....

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post #3 of 37 (permalink) Old 03-01-2017, 12:27 PM
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Re: Confession time...and update.

Good job! Personally I hate weed, I've seen what it did to some very good employees. I'm very happy that he is going off so well. I've seen it return and hang on for months and months. I think that there was not a full commitment to quitting in those cases.

About the Punishments. I'm mildly submissive, I did a survey once that classed me as a Smart Ass, meaning that I am submissive but tend to fight back just to make sure Master is being strict enough. I like the structure of what you are doing, controlling his misbehavior with physical restraints. I'm a little worried about leaving him alone while restrained (it's a physical risk). I often find that a session resolves a lot of my feelings of guilt and inadequacy. Sort of pays the bill in my mind and lets me get past it. I hope your Man feels that way at the end of his sessions.

On the weight loss, you will get a lot of advice here. My advice is to do what your Doctor says. if your Doc doesn't give you a diet ask him to recommend someone who will. If the diet stops working, go in and get more advice. I'm on my 4th dr. supervised diet. losing 50 - 80 pounds is a tough job. Can you swim?
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post #4 of 37 (permalink) Old 03-01-2017, 12:37 PM
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Re: Confession time...and update.

Regarding the medical marijuana for you... see if you can get tincture from the dispensary... you can add it to tea or whatever and don't need to smoke it.

We're looks into this for my H to help with chemo side effects.


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post #5 of 37 (permalink) Old 03-01-2017, 12:53 PM
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Re: Confession time...and update.

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Regarding the medical marijuana for you... see if you can get tincture from the dispensary... you can add it to tea or whatever and don't need to smoke it.

We're looks into this for my H to help with chemo side effects.


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^^This^^

Your pain control will be so much better with tinctures and edibles than with smoking. I use MJ medicinally and recreationally, edibles are by far the best method for pain control, the pain killing effect lasts for 6-8 hours vs. 2 when you smoke.
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post #6 of 37 (permalink) Old 03-01-2017, 01:23 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Confession time...and update.

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^^This^^

Your pain control will be so much better with tinctures and edibles than with smoking. I use MJ medicinally and recreationally, edibles are by far the best method for pain control, the pain killing effect lasts for 6-8 hours vs. 2 when you smoke.
I love these suggestions. My shop does not do tinctures but they have edibles, but i can travel to other places and get tinctures. I have never thought of it till you mentioned. THANK YOU SO MUCH!
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post #7 of 37 (permalink) Old 03-01-2017, 01:26 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Confession time...and update.

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Good job! Personally I hate weed, I've seen what it did to some very good employees. I'm very happy that he is going off so well. I've seen it return and hang on for months and months. I think that there was not a full commitment to quitting in those cases.

About the Punishments. I'm mildly submissive, I did a survey once that classed me as a Smart Ass, meaning that I am submissive but tend to fight back just to make sure Master is being strict enough. I like the structure of what you are doing, controlling his misbehavior with physical restraints. I'm a little worried about leaving him alone while restrained (it's a physical risk). I often find that a session resolves a lot of my feelings of guilt and inadequacy. Sort of pays the bill in my mind and lets me get past it. I hope your Man feels that way at the end of his sessions.

On the weight loss, you will get a lot of advice here. My advice is to do what your Doctor says. if your Doc doesn't give you a diet ask him to recommend someone who will. If the diet stops working, go in and get more advice. I'm on my 4th dr. supervised diet. losing 50 - 80 pounds is a tough job. Can you swim?

He has the ability to roll over and the gag has breather holes. (No jawbreaker movie here.) Lol. And i usually just sit in the kids room with them to be sure they cant hear him.
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post #8 of 37 (permalink) Old 03-01-2017, 01:27 PM
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Re: Confession time...and update.

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I love these suggestions. My shop does not do tinctures but they have edibles, but i can travel to other places and get tinctures. I have never thought of it till you mentioned. THANK YOU SO MUCH!

Great, just a word of warning. If you haven't done edibles you need to take it slow, they take longer to kick in (tinctures kick in faster tho) and they last a long time. Taking them on a full stomach actually makes them more effective (kind of the opposite of how I thought it would work).
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post #9 of 37 (permalink) Old 03-01-2017, 01:44 PM
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Re: Confession time...and update.

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Originally Posted by threelittlestars View Post
Well....it seems to work. The moment I think he is triggery with rage I send him to our room, I lock him up and gag him and tell him to go ahead and scream. He screams till he is hoarse and tired, then when he is tired I let him out.

Its utterly strange this new dynamic, but somehow currently its working and keeping us both accountable and in check.
"Lock him up and gag him".... That's what you call pragmatism.
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post #10 of 37 (permalink) Old 03-01-2017, 01:47 PM
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Re: Confession time...and update.

My wife also takes medical MJ for chronic pain management after she suffered nerve damage to her sciatic nerve. She doesn't smoke so she takes an oil that is merely a sunflower oil with a blend of 9% CBD and 7% thc. it is edible and she can simply take it on its own. Just like taking a teaspoon of sunflower oil. This allows her to take it in place of percocet and in doses just big enough to releave the pain without causing the intoxicating affects that come with smoking MJ. Of course if you take more you are going to get quite a buzz going but if you manage it properly you can find the right dosage for you that will give you the desired affects.


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post #11 of 37 (permalink) Old 03-01-2017, 01:57 PM
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Re: Confession time...and update.

Yeah, with respect to MJ. I live in Canada, we are about to universally legalize for recreational use. We have a dichotomy between dispensaries for medical purposes and quasi-legal dispensaries for recreational purposes. Given that Washington state has followed Colorado in it's model, one should go back to one's PC physician or to someone who specializes in cannabis prescriptions for CBD. CBD is the non psychoactive part of MJ that is instrumental in treatment of several diseases. This is available in capsules and tinctures. It does not require smoking and will not get you "stoned".
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post #12 of 37 (permalink) Old 03-01-2017, 02:05 PM
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Re: Confession time...and update.

My wife was prescribed Marinol (dronabinol) tablets to help her with the nausea and appetite loss during chemo. It contains the active ingredients of marijuana and it was certainly effective. It controlled her nausea and pain while letting her eat and keep it down. Of course the side affect was she got high and it was interesting to watch. After she got her appetite back, she refused to take any more because she didn't like the feeling of being high.

There is no need to smoke MJ when Marinol is available in tablet form with a prescription.
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post #13 of 37 (permalink) Old 03-01-2017, 02:22 PM
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Re: Confession time...and update.

Does H fully understand his employer's drug policy, such as random testing?

I would have thought his employer has a one strike and you are out policy. If so, smoking puts the entire family financial stability at risk since his is the only income.
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post #14 of 37 (permalink) Old 03-01-2017, 02:28 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Confession time...and update.

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Does H fully understand his employer's drug policy, such as random testing?

I would have thought his employer has a one strike and you are out policy. If so, smoking puts the entire family financial stability at risk since his is the only income.

We are aware, He is not in a random drug screening branch that uses machinery, but they can drug screen him. However they have not in over 8 years. (He has not been smoking for 8 years, more like 4 or 5.) Now he is sober.

He saw a lot of people smoke at work... Or acted like they did. He felt comfy... He still is.

Anyway, his line of work did not require it so far. I am glad he has quit because it did scare me sometimes.
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post #15 of 37 (permalink) Old 03-01-2017, 02:43 PM
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Re: Confession time...and update.

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We are aware, He is not in a random drug screening branch that uses machinery, but they can drug screen him. However they have not in over 8 years. (He has not been smoking for 8 years, more like 4 or 5.) Now he is sober.



He saw a lot of people smoke at work... Or acted like they did. He felt comfy... He still is.



Anyway, his line of work did not require it so far. I am glad he has quit because it did scare me sometimes.


Knowing what work he does (you posted it) the smoking at work by his coworkers scares the crap out of me.

Looks like he lucked out at work by not being tested. Glad he is sober now.

Sounds like life is looking much better for you, him and family. It's good to read positive stories here.
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