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post #16 of 20 (permalink) Old 03-02-2017, 03:07 PM
Hope1964's Avatar
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Alberta
Posts: 8,402
Re: What to do?

I totally agree with TDSC60. Tell her you know that she's been trying to meet up with guys on these girls nights out and that she either stops them IMMEDIATELY or she moves out of your house. See a lawyer to find out your options for divorce and don't make a secret of it. Start the ball rolling. The only reason not to do this is if you think she might have actually met up with someone - in that case, start snooping NOW.

If she steps up to the plate and actually complies (very unlikely) then you will need to watch her very closely for a LONG time. Chances are she will call your bluff though. Be prepared to follow through with D. Of course that isn't ideal, but staying with her 'for the sake of the kids' will do nothing but make you (and the kids) miserable. Not to mention you're accepting being a cuckold. And giving the kids a really bad example of what marriage should entail.

Oh, and I recommend STD testing and no more sex until you KNOW what she's been up to.

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post #17 of 20 (permalink) Old 03-02-2017, 05:19 PM
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 43
Re: What to do?

Significant red flags. Do not do anything to tip her off that you are suspicious yet. Act like everything is normal while you gather information. If she really is capable of taking this too far, you want to know that. If you play your hand too early without evidence, you'll be wondering what really happened for eternity and it will drive you crazy.

Sounds like she has an Iphone. Download wondershare dr. fone. Use the free evaluation version. Plug the phone into a computer via USB and run wondershare. You don't need any passwords or even the unlock code.

It will pickup all recently deleted messages and photo attachments etc.
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post #18 of 20 (permalink) Old 03-02-2017, 07:00 PM
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 10
Re: What to do?

Look spending money to track her and get pictures does not mean anything unless it matters in a divorce court.

I know here in NYC it means nothing.. If the kids are with you and she is fvcking another man all is good. Only matters if you come home and the kids are ALONE.. Then it matters as she abandoned her kids to have the Affair..

But nothing like that is happening here.. So what is your point in doing it.. I agree you need to have Copies of these messages, even if it as simple as taking pictures with your phone of the chats.

This other woman that is is friends with has to fvcking go..

Here is the big issue which I can relate to because I have been on both ends..

You are weak.. The reason is the handle you are using for posting here and the excuse you are using about your kids..

Now I am not insulting you as I was in your shoes the 2nd time around.

But the first time around I called my mother in law and tossed my ex wife out the door. Child and all.. GTFO... Boom.. She called and begged to fix it and come home..

2nd time I was begging her to stay for me and the kids and she walked right out.. Left me and the kids..

Does she have family close by ?
You need to expose this and shame her.. You really do..
If can pack her bags and call her parents to come and get her.. Print out the messages and show them when they come.. You should time this in such a way that you just want them to come over and make sure she is coming home.. This way you drop the fvcking bomb on all of them. Tell her to GTFO.. Let her take the kids and go.. Or better just let her go..

If you give her time to plan she will NOT want to make this public..

Show this message to this other woman's husband or boyfriend.. They need to know the snake that she is..

You really need to paint her with a scarlet letter.. Other woman need to be afraid to have their husbands around her..

Only and only when you attack her with this shock and awe type of front will she flounder and look to fix this..

Sadly you will not and keep this private ( like I did ) and she will walk all over you and then leave you..

I know this is all crazy.. It is all mind games.. Its all really psychology..

In every relationship the woman wants the man because they are strong and protective..
In every relationship the roles eventually reverse and the women then despise the men because they are no longer strong and protective.. They are weak and vulnerable and emotional.
It happens 100 percent of the time..

You are fighting for your marriage and she see's you as weak.. She needs to see that your not.. The only way she will see this is if you blow her up to her family.. She will be too busy answering their calls and trying to defend herself that she will not have time for this guy or anyone else for that matter.. It gives you some breathing room since you only caught her LOOKING.. So she has no one really to go to..

You need to blow up this woman as well to the family this way they will know to keep your wife away from her..

Again I know this is all foreign to you and hard to swallow or maybe accept and understand.. But trust me/us not being weak and crushing her will win her back. She might get upset at the moment when the parents are there and you are blowing her up.. But trust me unless her parents are crazy and side with her regardless they will beat her up as well. She will feel stupid and embarrassed.

Affairs are like fungus they die when exposed to the light..

I hope I have found some way to resonate with you..

further if it all works out.. Therapy is forever.. Not a month or 6 months.. Not a year or two.. Forever... Doesn't mean you go every week for the rest of your lives.. But it means she goes at least every 3 months.. This is just in case she is feeling weak and looking to cheat.. You are hoping she will tell the therapist and this way you can being working again before its too late.. Consider it like an oil change on your marriage.. Again something else that would have or might have saved my marriage..

Good luck
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post #19 of 20 (permalink) Old 03-04-2017, 03:08 PM Thread Starter
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Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 5
Re: What to do?

Thanks for all the advice. I am not going to confront her yet until I investigate a little further. Recorder in car, etc. Talked with her about her being distant and the fact I wanted to work on marriage. She blamed the distance on me and didn't really agree to do anything on her part. I am therefore preparing for a divorce and documenting parenting time and getting my financial affairs in order.
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post #20 of 20 (permalink) Old 03-04-2017, 04:43 PM
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 11,482
Re: What to do?

She's a stay at home mom so that means you are paying for her partying and you are her babysitter. Time to open new bank accts and new credit accts and let her fund her own way.
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