Question About Hysterical Bonding - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
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post #16 of 27 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 10:41 AM
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Re: Question About Hysterical Bonding

I think it could be best described as:

1) Find out your relationship has been utterly destroyed
2) Find solace in trying to put some of the best pieces of it back together (pun intended)
3) Repeat over and over because even if everything is a mess at least the spike in endorphins and bonding numbs the pain

But it's definitely a short term reaction, it fades (in my case, after about 6 weeks)

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post #17 of 27 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 12:11 PM
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Re: Question About Hysterical Bonding

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Originally Posted by BetrayedDad View Post
It's a PURELY caveman evolutionary response to being suddenly made aware that their is foreign semen in your mate's vagina.
Man, I haven't felt affected or angry for a while now (4 years since we split), but that really triggered me. Utterly disgusting.
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post #18 of 27 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 12:18 PM
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Re: Question About Hysterical Bonding

I think for the BS (and perhaps the WS as well) it's a bit of a panic response. When you've both decided (at least at that time) to try and save your marriage...it's a bit of a freak out. It was part and parcel to the whole "meeting each other's needs" thing. You're attempting to reconcile, and you both realize how close it came to ending, you both want to save it, and part of that is madly attempting to bond and reestablish that closeness and passion. For me it was less about regaining dominance or getting my manhood back, and more about that. Rebuilding the fire, then throwing gasoline on the fire to not only make sure it doesn't go out, but that it rages on. It started out as this intense fire (when you first get together), then the flame gets smaller, then one day, it's snuffed out.

So once you decide to (falsely in my case) reconcile, you build that fire back up and then try everything you can to turn it into a raging inferno - it's a rather panicked, desperate attempt, imo.

Then, if you're lucky (as a BS), you realize that it's a lie, and you get out the extinguisher and douse that nasty chemical fire...then wait years for the toxic smoke to dissipate.
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post #19 of 27 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 10:11 AM
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Re: Question About Hysterical Bonding

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Originally Posted by BetrayedDad View Post
It's a PURELY caveman evolutionary response to being suddenly made aware that their is foreign semen in your mate's vagina.

Due to procreational instincts, we will feel an insatiable need to have frequent sex to impregnate before the other semen does.

We all like to believe that we are so evolved as a species but virtually all people are still subconsciously slaves to these urges.

We may not "think" like this anymore mentally but your body very much still responds to this instinctual caveman behavior.
I agree with this
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post #20 of 27 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 12:57 PM
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Re: Question About Hysterical Bonding

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Originally Posted by BetrayedDad View Post
It's a PURELY caveman evolutionary response to being suddenly made aware that their is foreign semen in your mate's vagina.

Due to procreational instincts, we will feel an insatiable need to have frequent sex to impregnate before the other semen does.

We all like to believe that we are so evolved as a species but virtually all people are still subconsciously slaves to these urges.

We may not "think" like this anymore mentally but your body very much still responds to this instinctual caveman behavior.
Which is why women dont usually act the same way.
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post #21 of 27 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 11:08 PM
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Re: Question About Hysterical Bonding

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Which is why women dont usually act the same way.
She seemed to be into it. But hindsight tells me she had a hole in her soul that she was trying to fill with ......

And she will continue to try to fill that hole for the rest of her life. Thats why she tried to get me to cheat with her years later and I ignored her. Because I am not like her. Dont take this the wrong way. I am directing this at my ex and only my ex.

Last edited by it-guy; 03-07-2017 at 11:12 PM.
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post #22 of 27 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 12:07 AM
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Re: Question About Hysterical Bonding

This is also known as sperm competition when a wife has had sex with another man. It has been noted that men will thrust deeper, faster and harder. Their sperm count is higher and the shape of the head of their penis works well to scoop out the other man's sperm. They are basically replacing the other man's sperm with theirs.

For women it was reclaiming their man and exposing them to the effects of Oxytocin, the hormone that emotionally bonds the couple together.

My wife and I had an ethical non-monogamous marriage for all but 6 years of our 44 year marriage. So we both got to experience the intense sex after one of us has been with another person. In our case there was no cheating or jealousy involved.

Why My Husband & I Sometimes Have Sex With Other People - mindbodygreen

Many prefer to drown in a pool of their own morality rather than seek the safety of a different morality.
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post #23 of 27 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 03:18 AM
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Re: Question About Hysterical Bonding

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She seemed to be into it. But hindsight tells me she had a hole in her soul that she was trying to fill with ......

And she will continue to try to fill that hole for the rest of her life. Thats why she tried to get me to cheat with her years later and I ignored her. Because I am not like her. Dont take this the wrong way. I am directing this at my ex and only my ex.
Yes but isnt she the one who cheated? I was meaning that women who are cheated on wouldn't want to have sex with the cheater. Not sure I ever could again to be honest.
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post #24 of 27 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 12:39 PM
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Re: Question About Hysterical Bonding

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Yes but isnt she the one who cheated? I was meaning that women who are cheated on wouldn't want to have sex with the cheater. Not sure I ever could again to be honest.
It happens to women too. My husband cheated, we’ve been hysterically bonding for over a year. First wave started after I revealed I cheated over a year ago. We had sex THAT NIGHT. Initiated by him. Hot and heavy for weeks afterwards. Dwindled a bit, but not much. Decided to R, frequency stayed through the roof. Decided to split up again, frequency was still crazy often for most couples, down to 3-4 times a week. I found out he cheated in December. Intensity and frequency went up again and it’s still there. 5-7 times a week. I initiate more than I ever have. I can’t say what his reasoning is, but mine has definitely been an effort to keep him happy, and claim what’s “mine” as well. My drive is higher than it’s ever been. Not the reaction I expected at all. I haven’t reacted in any way that I thought I would actually. I can say that while the frequency and intensity is still way up there, there WAS a long period where it was very much just sex. No kissing, no emotions, just porn star lovin. We’re now finally getting back to being a lot more concerned with each other and not just primal need.

I'll get through this, one day at a time.
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post #25 of 27 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 12:58 PM
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Re: Question About Hysterical Bonding

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If a man I was with cheated, the last thing I would want is to have sex with him. I wonder if its different for men and women?
Yeah, that's what I'm thinking. Why would you want more sex from someone who betrayed you?


"I've paid double for every transgression I've ever made and that motel and that boat are little to ask for"
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post #26 of 27 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 01:06 PM
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Re: Question About Hysterical Bonding

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Yeah, that's what I'm thinking. Why would you want more sex from someone who betrayed you?
It's been described on this thread several times.

It's a primal, pathological urge for a man to "re-claim his territory". And as I can attest, it's very real.
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post #27 of 27 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 01:16 PM
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Re: Question About Hysterical Bonding

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It's been described on this thread several times.

It's a primal, pathological urge for a man to "re-claim his territory". And as I can attest, it's very real.
The only territory I'd want to re-claim is my shoe that got stuck in her ass as I kicked out the door.

"I've paid double for every transgression I've ever made and that motel and that boat are little to ask for"
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