Healing from an affair when one partner is ill - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 14 (permalink) Old 03-01-2017, 06:54 PM Thread Starter
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Healing from an affair when one partner is ill

Has anyone here-- bs or ws -- been part of a couple where one person got a serious illness after the decision was made to reconcile? How did it affect your reconciliation?

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post #2 of 14 (permalink) Old 03-01-2017, 07:11 PM
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Re: Healing from an affair when one partner is ill

NMA,

I can say that my MIL would have episodes of absolute misery after she had gotten sick where the flashbacks of her cheating husband would crush her soul.

When I had Cancer my W had something with OM2, which I didn't find out about until years later, again the result is recurring flashbacks and disbelief.

It's almost like the old affairs never leave the body but wait for your immune system top dip and then they strike again.

Tamat
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post #3 of 14 (permalink) Old 03-01-2017, 07:23 PM
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Re: Healing from an affair when one partner is ill

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NMA,

I can say that my MIL would have episodes of absolute misery after she had gotten sick where the flashbacks of her cheating husband would crush her soul.

When I had Cancer my W had something with OM2, which I didn't find out about until years later, again the result is recurring flashbacks and disbelief.

It's almost like the old affairs never leave the body but wait for your immune system top dip and then they strike again.

Tamat
How could she?


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post #4 of 14 (permalink) Old 03-01-2017, 08:15 PM
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Re: Healing from an affair when one partner is ill

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Has anyone here-- bs or ws -- been part of a couple where one person got a serious illness after the decision was made to reconcile? How did it affect your reconciliation?

My H was originally diagnosed with colon cancer a little more than 2 years ago.

After undergoing treatment, he was stable for about a year during which he had a 6 month online affair. We tried to R but he did not feel remorseful as he never went physical with her. I, however was, devastated.

D-day was over 6 months ago. 3 months after d-day his cancer returned worse than ever and while I had previously been heading in the direction of divorce or at least separation, I felt I needed to keep the family intact since he is now terminal.

We abandoned R, have separate rooms now, and live as roommates that share children. I have forgiven him not because he was repentant (he wasn't) but because of his health issues...but we will never be the same.
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post #5 of 14 (permalink) Old 03-01-2017, 08:22 PM
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Re: Healing from an affair when one partner is ill

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Has anyone here-- bs or ws -- been part of a couple where one person got a serious illness after the decision was made to reconcile? How did it affect your reconciliation?


Is this applicable to your situation or just a generic question?
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post #6 of 14 (permalink) Old 03-01-2017, 08:25 PM
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Re: Healing from an affair when one partner is ill

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My H was originally diagnosed with colon cancer a little more than 2 years ago.

After undergoing treatment, he was stable for about a year during which he had a 6 month online affair. We tried to R but he did not feel remorseful as he never went physical with her. I, however was, devastated.

D-day was over 6 months ago. 3 months after d-day his cancer returned worse than ever and while I had previously been heading in the direction of divorce or at least separation, I felt I needed to keep the family intact since he is now terminal.

We abandoned R, have separate rooms now, and live as roommates that share children. I have forgiven him not because he was repentant (he wasn't) but because of his health issues...but we will never be the same.


Some of your posts are so heart breaking to read.
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post #7 of 14 (permalink) Old 03-01-2017, 09:47 PM
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Re: Healing from an affair when one partner is ill

Who is ill?
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post #8 of 14 (permalink) Old 03-01-2017, 10:29 PM
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A little over 2 weeks after starting R as a BH, I was in an accident and got sick requiring a week in the hospital. And then two months in which I'm not able to take care of a toddler much less drive a car.

Wayward wife visited the hospital daily, not going to work. Since being kicked out 2 months before and lived on other side of the city (40min drive each way). She quit her job and started moving back in soon after I got out of a hospital. This was mutual.

It might have accelerated R as we had just started dating. But also we didn't get to date as I was being taken care of. This depressed me as we were supposed to be dating, not her taking care of a gimped guy (me).

Two months later she required emergency surgery as she fell ill and 4 days hospitalization - she could have died. So now I was taking care of her, etc.

Go figure. But that is what you are supposed to do... Be there for your SO.

Last edited by TaDor; 03-04-2017 at 06:13 AM. Reason: corrected some grammar (was done from a phone originally)
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post #9 of 14 (permalink) Old 03-01-2017, 11:49 PM
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Re: Healing from an affair when one partner is ill

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Some of your posts are so heart breaking to read.


I try not to dwell on it...

I have to remind myself that whether he changed because of the cancer or I was naive and didn't see the real Him until it was too late, in the end it doesn't matter.

I was mostly happy for the 20 years we have been married prior to d-day and we have 3 amazing sons that I am proud to mother. Even though things are very different between us now, I still love him like family and couldn't live with myself if I left him now.

Doesn't stop me wishing I could though




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post #10 of 14 (permalink) Old 03-02-2017, 09:32 AM
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Re: Healing from an affair when one partner is ill

I just read one on the SI site that blows me away: The wife was diagnosed with leukemia, but was put on a medication that will manage the disease for the rest of her life. During her treatment, her husband discovers that she has had multiple affairs during their marriage. He walks. She uses emotional blackmail by having her physician call him and tell him that she went off the meds. Now he is back home and she is demanding that he "fix" the situation.

I do not know what I would do in this situation, but I am a person with some anger issues. I would likely tell her physician that her going off her meds is a perfect solution to the problem.

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post #11 of 14 (permalink) Old 03-03-2017, 10:44 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Healing from an affair when one partner is ill

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Is this applicable to your situation or just a generic question?
I had a biopsy yesterday for suspected Hodgkins Lymphoma, so just waiting now to find out. I am so worried that if i am sick that my husband will just say everything is okay, and not be honest about his feelings.
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post #12 of 14 (permalink) Old 03-03-2017, 11:18 AM
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Re: Healing from an affair when one partner is ill

Yes I got I'll after I found out

bc
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post #13 of 14 (permalink) Old 03-03-2017, 11:21 AM
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Re: Healing from an affair when one partner is ill

I got gravely ill shortly after I found out

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post #14 of 14 (permalink) Old 03-03-2017, 12:12 PM
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Re: Healing from an affair when one partner is ill

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I had a biopsy yesterday for suspected Hodgkins Lymphoma, so just waiting now to find out. I am so worried that if i am sick that my husband will just say everything is okay, and not be honest about his feelings.


Don't worry about it until you need to. You will never have peace of mind if you run unlimited scenarios in your head. BTDT.

Btw it helps if you give the details of your story sooner
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