PSA: You could have been an angel and... - Talk About Marriage
Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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  • 11 Post By nekonamida
  • 1 Post By Copingwithit
  • 2 Post By katies
  • 2 Post By snerg
 
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post #1 of 5 (permalink) Old 03-02-2017, 02:27 PM Thread Starter
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PSA: You could have been an angel and...

... the affair STILL would have happened.

Post after post by BS outlines how they weren't an angel in their marriage either and guess what? It doesn't matter. They could have been an angel their WS still would have cheated because it was something broken inside the WS that allowed them to cheat in the first place. You could have been Martha Stewart during the day and Madonna at night and your husband still would have stepped out with his average looking coworker. You could have the looks of Brad Pitt and the manliness of Nick Offerman and your wife still would have stepped out with the first overweight, balding guy to pay her a few compliments.

It happens over and over again. Good people in marriages they thought were fantastic and yet they find out their spouse still cheated with someone who doesn't even compare. Just in the past couple of days I've read stories of husbands who never stopped wooing their wives with affection, compliments, and flowers being told their wife just doesn't feel that spark anymore and the love they have for them is dead because of an OM. I've read stories of wives who are expert homemakers to large households and still find time to go to the gym every single day and their husband still weren't attracted to them but had no problems with the OW who hasn't stepped foot inside a gym in years and wears sweats every day. It just goes to show that you really can be d*mn near perfect and it doesn't make you immune to your spouse looking for something more.

So who cares what you did or didn't do? Who cares if you really were an angel, Mother Theresa herself, or not? It's just an excuse the cheater gets to make to put the blame back on your shoulders. It's just an attempt to deflect from their poor coping mechanisms in the face of stress or their deeply seated entitlement issues that make them think they deserve the best at home AND a harem to boot. Because guess what? Neglect, criticism, and love lost doesn't justify an affair. It's warrants a conversation, a trip to MC/IC, a commitment to making changes, and at worst, an ultimatum. An affair is the easiest and yet most destructive choice a spouse can make to get their needs met without their partner.

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post #2 of 5 (permalink) Old 03-02-2017, 07:19 PM
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Re: PSA: You could have been an angel and...

Good things happen to good people repeatedly sometimes.. It just does..

Personally no excuse beyond real mental or physical abuse would justify an Affair.

But again hearing a Wayward use the mental abuse line does not have that much validity without a third NEUTRAL party validate it.

The Ex GF tried that in Therapy and the Therapist shot her down real quick and fast..
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post #3 of 5 (permalink) Old 03-02-2017, 09:09 PM
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I'm reading a book about codependency and the only thing I don't agree with is that you attract the kind of energy that is inside you. FTS. Explain the holocaust then.
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post #4 of 5 (permalink) Old 03-03-2017, 07:23 AM
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Re: PSA: You could have been an angel and...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Copingwithit View Post
Personally no excuse beyond real mental or physical abuse would justify an Affair.
You have a spelling error - let me fix it for you:

Personally no excuse would justify an Affair.

Why destroy your integrity for any reason?

Question - Are you happy?

If YES - You have chosen wisely!
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post #5 of 5 (permalink) Old 03-03-2017, 05:23 PM
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Re: PSA: You could have been an angel and...

Quote:
Originally Posted by nekonamida View Post
... the affair STILL would have happened.



Post after post by BS outlines how they weren't an angel in their marriage either and guess what? It doesn't matter. They could have been an angel their WS still would have cheated because it was something broken inside the WS that allowed them to cheat in the first place. You could have been Martha Stewart during the day and Madonna at night and your husband still would have stepped out with his average looking coworker. You could have the looks of Brad Pitt and the manliness of Nick Offerman and your wife still would have stepped out with the first overweight, balding guy to pay her a few compliments.



It happens over and over again. Good people in marriages they thought were fantastic and yet they find out their spouse still cheated with someone who doesn't even compare. Just in the past couple of days I've read stories of husbands who never stopped wooing their wives with affection, compliments, and flowers being told their wife just doesn't feel that spark anymore and the love they have for them is dead because of an OM. I've read stories of wives who are expert homemakers to large households and still find time to go to the gym every single day and their husband still weren't attracted to them but had no problems with the OW who hasn't stepped foot inside a gym in years and wears sweats every day. It just goes to show that you really can be d*mn near perfect and it doesn't make you immune to your spouse looking for something more.



So who cares what you did or didn't do? Who cares if you really were an angel, Mother Theresa herself, or not? It's just an excuse the cheater gets to make to put the blame back on your shoulders. It's just an attempt to deflect from their poor coping mechanisms in the face of stress or their deeply seated entitlement issues that make them think they deserve the best at home AND a harem to boot. Because guess what? Neglect, criticism, and love lost doesn't justify an affair. It's warrants a conversation, a trip to MC/IC, a commitment to making changes, and at worst, an ultimatum. An affair is the easiest and yet most destructive choice a spouse can make to get their needs met without their partner.


I think that your right the cowards never admit that they are the ones at fault.


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