12-24-2011, 09:39 AM
Join Date: Aug 2011
| | List of ways to build trust/believeing him? Suggestions please, please,please!
My story is in another thread but here is a very short summary:
-husband was verbally abusive to me and our daughter,
then caught husband with another woman (in our basement).
-he denied having an affair and tried to convince me the I hadn't seen her naked with him, this went on for over a month
-i found emails that suggested it had been going on for a while so he finally started with the trickle truth
-over 3-4 months he started to answer my questions - i wanted to know the details.
-we went to counseling (marriage and individual)
-he changed a lot of his behaviors - stopped yelling, stopped being aggressive and bullying, started interacting with our daughter (which he ignored before), was helpful and affectionate to both of us, did a lot more to help out around the house and with her, was more respectful with our parents and even with his friends.
-agreed to no contact with the other woman, shared his online usernames and passwords as well as access to his phone.
-things were improving, or so I thought, and then I overheard some conversations where he not only spoke badly about me to a friend but also told him that he had seen a lawyer etc.
-i confronted him and he lied about it - denied it all - it wasn't until I told him I heard him that he started to trickle truth again.
- he is now in counseling trying to work out his issues and 'why' he needs to lie.
So he's proven that I can't trust him or believe him.
Now for my question, I'm hoping that I can get some help to create a list of 'requirements' to move forward, to try to build trust and ways to believe him. Things that are measurable or that we can use to 'see' if there is really progress. As Shaggy suggested in a previous post, I need a "list of the things that he must do and along with each item a way to demonstrate or check on it". I need things that are specific to building trust and believing him. I've tried to come up with things but am drawing a blank. I can't see the forest from the trees ;(
I'd really really appreciate any input!!