Getting it from all sides - angry - Page 10 - Talk About Marriage
Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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post #136 of 270 (permalink) Old 12-27-2011, 05:08 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

I'll take all the advice, but I think it'll be ok. Have to laugh now because it all really couldn't be better. Mama-in-law is certainly pleased as punch that her girl has moved upmarket, but she'll tell her to make sure now not to bring any dirt on their reputation. And though she crossed her mama when she married me, I can't ever recall her doing it since.

Good idea to hold onto the emails though. I'll give mama-in-law a friendly call and tell her there's a bunch of stuff I won't much care to talk about as long as we all keep us nice and quiet.

So, that doesn't mean 100% safe but no need to fret yet.

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post #137 of 270 (permalink) Old 12-27-2011, 05:19 AM
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Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

Get all the information you can possibly get. Okay so you might not have millions laying around for them to get but think of the agony it will bring you just to have to deal with what they might be throwing your way. If you can shut down anything they might come up with with evidence from her computer or whatever else you can find out, you can take the wind out of their sail before the even get in the boat.
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post #138 of 270 (permalink) Old 12-27-2011, 10:43 AM
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Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

Lascarx, it sounds like you're doing well. Take care of yourself; take care of your kids. If your family can't get on board, then it's their loss.

Definitely make sure that your lawyer is able to protect you, your assets and is a strong advocate of you having as much custody as possible.

Good luck, friend. Sounds like you're on the right course.
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post #139 of 270 (permalink) Old 12-27-2011, 10:59 AM
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post #140 of 270 (permalink) Old 12-27-2011, 11:31 AM
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Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

Lascarx,

You may not have millions, but most likely you will be paying her child support and interim spousal support until the divorce is final.

Since you've been married for 8 years you marriage probably is not considered long term. There will most likely be child support, figure about 10% of you income per child.. so about 10% - 20% in child support. And then there could be spousal support until she finds a job depending on which state you are in.
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post #141 of 270 (permalink) Old 12-27-2011, 11:33 AM
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Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

Quote:
Originally Posted by lascarx View Post
Interesting take all of this, because my attorney says there will definitely be legal fisticuffs of some sort or another in my case, and infidelity will play a role.

If it's all a big no-fault-assembly-line, how can there be a mechanism to hear our conflict? Sure, the attorneys want to make money, but they can't build their own courtrooms and hire their own judges for people who want "the old fault type of divorce." Something's missing in this summary, I think.
What conflict of yours do you want the court to hear?

Do you mind sharing what state you are in? It can make a big difference.
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post #142 of 270 (permalink) Old 12-27-2011, 01:13 PM
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Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

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Actually, it's worked out fine. Would rather have her with someone "respectable" than some biker who gets it in his head that I got stuff he could pawn for pills or a new carburetor.
Damn that made me spit up my water

“In thy foul throat thou liest.”
― William Shakespeare, Richard III

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post #143 of 270 (permalink) Old 12-27-2011, 03:32 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

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Originally Posted by Unsure in Seattle View Post
Lascarx, it sounds like you're doing well. Take care of yourself; take care of your kids. If your family can't get on board, then it's their loss.

Definitely make sure that your lawyer is able to protect you, your assets and is a strong advocate of you having as much custody as possible.

Good luck, friend. Sounds like you're on the right course.
Thanks for the kind word, and I'm definitely feeling good about the lawyer.

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Originally Posted by chapparal View Post
What were the logistics of the affair? When did she have the time?
My guess is while I was away at work and my older was at school. There's a few friends she could have left the younger with while she got her tune-up, but I'm not planning to ask around because I don't really need to seek contention with everyone who might have known. I'm pretty sure she had him over a few times and it must have been while I was visiting my folks with the kids. She begged off a few of those visits saying she was feeling poorly due to getting her monthlies early. How's that excuse grab you?

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What conflict of yours do you want the court to hear?

Do you mind sharing what state you are in? It can make a big difference.
The conflict over who gets how much of what, etc.

I doubt I'll be suing Young Dr. Kildare, but if the wife makes things really hot, it might be an option. My attorney said that would only be last resort territory though.

We're all having our soap opera here in North Carolina, in-laws participating via telephone currently, but I assume they'll be coming to bless us with their presence soon. Having a little something extra to go with your marital does mean something around here, I've heard. Hence my confusion about your comments. But my attorney set me straight, he said we North Carolinians are still keeping the no-fault barbarians at the gate.

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Damn that made me spit up my water
I speak from knowledge. I know a guy at work, his wife gets the call of the wild last year, takes up with some motorcycle freaks and next thing you know they've ransacked his house and fenced everything across the next three counties. Needless to say there was no reconciliation, though she really didn't look too much the worse for wear when she finally came back around. No tattoos, at least none any of us could see. Good thing they hadn't any kids.
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post #144 of 270 (permalink) Old 12-27-2011, 03:45 PM
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Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

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Originally Posted by lascarx
Young Dr. Kildare
You're either showing your age or you are a serious old tv show junkie.

'I'd rather live by a dream, than live by a lie.
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post #145 of 270 (permalink) Old 12-27-2011, 03:46 PM
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Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

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Originally Posted by lascarx View Post
she knows she can't deal with the kids,
Why is that?

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post #146 of 270 (permalink) Old 12-27-2011, 03:59 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

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Why is that?
Because all she wants right now is her beau. Like Candy-land, pie and pop for supper. She'll think of the kids when mama-in-law's feeling secure that they're courting proper and brings her back to earth.
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post #147 of 270 (permalink) Old 12-27-2011, 04:09 PM
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Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

Expose the guy to his family and work. It makes the affair uncomfortable and it gives you a better chance of breaking them up and keeping your children away from their fantasy.

It is highly likely they were in contact during his working hours and he may even have used the company mail of phone to contact your wife.
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post #148 of 270 (permalink) Old 12-27-2011, 04:28 PM
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Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

Quote:
Originally Posted by lascarx View Post
The conflict over who gets how much of what, etc.

I doubt I'll be suing Young Dr. Kildare, but if the wife makes things really hot, it might be an option. My attorney said that would only be last resort territory though.

We're all having our soap opera here in North Carolina, in-laws participating via telephone currently, but I assume they'll be coming to bless us with their presence soon. Having a little something extra to go with your marital does mean something around here, I've heard. Hence my confusion about your comments. But my attorney set me straight, he said we North Carolinians are still keeping the no-fault barbarians at the gate.
NC is an equitable distribution state. Have you looked at the state laws for property distribution, alimoney, child support, custory? Those will rule.

In NC you can bring up the adultry. So that might help reduce things like support.


North Carolina Divorce Laws - North Carolina State Divorce Laws

Marital Property - Equitable Distribution of Marital Property
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post #149 of 270 (permalink) Old 12-27-2011, 04:51 PM
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Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

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Originally Posted by lascarx View Post
I get what you all mean, but what I loved was what I thought my wife was, not what she really is. It's like having been in love with a character in a movie or a novel.

That person does not exist. She never existed.

Time to get into reality, but there's no need to blow it out of proportion. I got conned. Lots of people get conned.
Very well spoken and that is why I will be able to walk away knowing I can't live like that. The last thing I want to be worried about is my blood test on my yearly exams due to me trusting the person I said vows to. There you go ON POINT!
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post #150 of 270 (permalink) Old 12-27-2011, 04:58 PM
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Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

Why is suing the OM a last resort only?

If you have solid objective evidence you can sue the crap out of him in NC for alienation of affection.

Why not do so?

I`d do it simply because I`m a nasty bastard.

Hell I sued the crap out of a loser drug addict and I`ll never see any money, it felt damn good though and I managed to screw up his future.
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