Getting it from all sides - angry - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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post #16 of 284 (permalink) Old 12-24-2011, 10:40 PM
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Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

Don't let anyone tell you that you have to stay with her because of the kids. If you divorce her you'll still be their dad, and they'll still be your kids - you just won't be her husband (victim) any longer.

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post #17 of 284 (permalink) Old 12-24-2011, 11:33 PM
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Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

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Originally Posted by lascarx View Post
Thanks for the support everyone. It's amazing how often you find that strangers are willing to stick up for you even when your own family starts stabbing you in the back.
That's because most people here have been in your shoes or going through the something similar. People just don't know how it feels until it happens to them.


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post #18 of 284 (permalink) Old 12-25-2011, 03:12 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

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Lascarx,

If you give your wife a chance and rebuild your marriage... it can happen and your marriage can be good even after an affair. Recovery is a long, painful process but can be rewarding.
I'm not going to risk the time. Already got 8 years shot. Depending on how long I live, that could be 1 day out of every week down the tubes. Why throw good after bad?

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Most states are no fault for divorce now. I doubt the evidence will do you any good.
My attorney says that you can put on a lot of pressure with good evidence, because cheaters don't like to have everything revealed to the entire world. He's done it before. And you know something? Even if she manages to extort some money out of me, we're pretty sure that I can get the kids.

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Originally Posted by TDSC60 View Post
Money is probably the answer. For the last year she had her fun at your expense. Now she is scared that the OM can't support her like you can.

BTW, how did you find out about it? What did she have to say when you confronted? Just curious.

If this is the deal breaker for you, then tell your family that you cannot live with a lying, cheating, low life person that does not respect you and your children. The option you mentioned above works too.

Why are you moving out? Shouldn't she pack her bags and go to the OM? After all that's what she has done for the past year behind your back. He's been getting all the benefits, is it not about time for him to take on the expense as well?
I found out about it because my computer broke down, I needed to send some stuff and I saw that hers was running. She'd been in a big hurry when leaving the house (probably to meet him) and forgotten to turn it off. I switched on the screen and it was basically all there.

When she got home, I got in her face, and she broke down and gave me a bunch of BS about how she had wanted to end it, had only started it because she felt lonely, etc. Lonely my rosy butt. I guess if there's a planet somewhere with more than 7 days in a week on it, then she should move there, because that's what she got from me. She said he doesn't compare to me and I said I didn't marry you because I wanted to be a regular on the Dating Game, even you say that the fix is in and I'll always end up winning after the final round of sampling.

I'm moving out because I know they were doing it here and living in a hot-sheet motel isn't my particular cup of Earl Grey. She says they never did it in our bed and I know she's full of BS, so I don't want to be constantly reminded and be wondering what was all over those sheets I slept in. Kids are coming with me, I've told the older one already that it's splitsville. There are plenty of kids in her school with divorced parents, so she knows what it means.

Man, am I glad that these kids look a LOT like me. There aren't many people who do, so at least I'm sure there.

My mom called me up today and tried to give me a lecture about forgiveness. I told her that if she didn't want some of what her beloved floozy daughter-in-law was getting, she should clam up quick. I can't believe you can be a good son and pride of the family for all of your life, and suddenly they take the tramp's side over yours. My sister (who I have bailed out of jail more than once) is even trying to give me the high-hat.

Thanks again people.
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post #19 of 284 (permalink) Old 12-25-2011, 03:32 AM
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Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

Your situation is reminiscent of oldmittens but a little less worse than his. His family practically attacked him for choosing to divorce his wife, who had been having a sexual affair for 2 years with his best firend, but unbeknownst to them she gave birth to the OM's child after their first sexual encounter. He ended all contact with his betraying family. It's bad enough to have an unfaithful spouse, but quite enough to have a betraying family.

You are neither week nor strong for choosing to divorce your wife after she proved to be a cheating wife. Your well being and that of your children is the most important thing for you to consider.

'I'd rather live by a dream, than live by a lie.
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post #20 of 284 (permalink) Old 12-25-2011, 03:53 AM
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Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

I found someone like me on this forum...

What I mean is that I like you just divorced her - no second chance...

She disrespected you,humiliated you,made a fool of you and had sex with another man for a year and now you should accept her back and spend money on MC,IC and try to heal something that you will never forget if you stay with her...Its better to spend the money on your kids then on the MC...

Sorry but I will tell you that apparently everyone in your family is crazy,because noone normal will suport a cheater...

Life is to short to suffer and live miserable and I wish you and your children a lot of luck and happiness in future and I wish you to find a decent girl that will respect you and love you like you deserve...
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post #21 of 284 (permalink) Old 12-25-2011, 04:16 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

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Your situation is reminiscent of oldmittens but a little less worse than his. His family practically attacked him for choosing to divorce his wife, who had been having a sexual affair for 2 years with his best firend, but unbeknownst to them she gave birth to the OM's child after their first sexual encounter. He ended all contact with his betraying family. It's bad enough to have an unfaithful spouse, but quite enough to have a betraying family.

You are neither week nor strong for choosing to divorce your wife after she proved to be a cheating wife. Your well being and that of your children is the most important thing for you to consider.
The way they're talking now, I'm almost expecting my mom to bust out with some revelation that I'm actually the product of her getting wet for the termite inspector. I used to look up to my dad but he's suddenly become so morally flabby that I can really imagine him putting up with it if it were true. Probably would offer them the bed so that they wouldn't have to use his bug-spray wheelie-cart. Lord God, what a collection of belly-crawlers. Maybe the stork really did bring me because being the same blood as these people does not compute.

I'm thinking of calling my ex-brother-in-law up and asking him what really went on between him and my sister, and if his family tried to stick a knife in him too. I know that they broke up because her skirt was somehow wired to fly up every time some guy looked at her cross-eyed. But you know, I had respect for family so I stayed out of it as much as I wanted to take his side and tell her off. She even gave him the clap but I can't recall her getting as much grief as I'm getting now. Maybe we guys are just expected to suck it up.
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post #22 of 284 (permalink) Old 12-25-2011, 04:22 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

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Originally Posted by Bugz Bunny View Post
I found someone like me on this forum...

What I mean is that I like you just divorced her - no second chance...

She disrespected you,humiliated you,made a fool of you and had sex with another man for a year and now you should accept her back and spend money on MC,IC and try to heal something that you will never forget if you stay with her...Its better to spend the money on your kids then on the MC...

Sorry but I will tell you that apparently everyone in your family is crazy,because noone normal will suport a cheater...

Life is to short to suffer and live miserable and I wish you and your children a lot of luck and happiness in future and I wish you to find a decent girl that will respect you and love you like you deserve...
Friend, that's the truth if I've ever heard it. And I don't get this "second chance" manure. If I decided that I wanted to dip it elsewhere, I'd own that and get divorced first. Nothing wrong with finding out you made a mistake by getting married, people get life experience as they go on living. But duplicity is what makes the human lower than the animal.
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post #23 of 284 (permalink) Old 12-25-2011, 04:47 AM
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Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

This boat is more crowded than you think...though they don't know all the details my family (at least parents) know that my STBXW did cheat and two years later are still on this "forgiveness, things can and will get better" thing. Mom thinks she can talk us through to getting back together. Dads approaching it from the religious side...and though the screamed at me for months that I am an unforgiving a$$hole, STBXW made it clear that because I was trying to get passed it and work on all the things she was blaming me for that "caused her to cheat" I rolled over and was essentially to much of a p*$$Y for her.

There isn't much of an option but to do what is best for your piece of mind and well being.
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post #24 of 284 (permalink) Old 12-25-2011, 05:19 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

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Originally Posted by 20matc11 View Post
This boat is more crowded than you think...though they don't know all the details my family (at least parents) know that my STBXW did cheat and two years later are still on this "forgiveness, things can and will get better" thing. Mom thinks she can talk us through to getting back together. Dads approaching it from the religious side...and though the screamed at me for months that I am an unforgiving a$$hole, STBXW made it clear that because I was trying to get passed it and work on all the things she was blaming me for that "caused her to cheat" I rolled over and was essentially to much of a p*$$Y for her.

There isn't much of an option but to do what is best for your piece of mind and well being.
I've heard of that. Do like the stereotypical manly-man and it means you're insensitive, but if you don't, you're a wuss. Either way, whoever's doing what you're not, gets the goodies. Didn't think wifey was like that, but I guess they all show their stripes in the end. Out on the end of my boot, I say.
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post #25 of 284 (permalink) Old 12-25-2011, 06:30 AM
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Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

This appears to be the Alpha male channel.!

Were the OM's fully Beta guys?

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post #26 of 284 (permalink) Old 12-25-2011, 06:52 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

In my case, I don't know and I don't care. Of course she now wants to "disclose absolutely everything" but she doesn't get it - I DON'T CARE.

Just offered to take the kids out today so that she could invite him over. I mean, she did it with him on my bd, so she should also be able to do it with him on big JC's, don't you think? Festive occasions deserve celebration. I never saw myself as "alpha" but sure, I'm magnanimous.
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post #27 of 284 (permalink) Old 12-25-2011, 07:48 AM
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Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

You are "the" man.

Do you feel sad though?
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post #28 of 284 (permalink) Old 12-25-2011, 07:50 AM
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Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

Please don't stop posting !! My gonads are growing by centimeters each time I read this thread. So be it vicariously, I don't care. Reading this thread makes me master of the world. Merry Christmas
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post #29 of 284 (permalink) Old 12-25-2011, 08:01 AM
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Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

I commend you on your confidence and decision making. We need guys that haven't given their testicles to their wives along with their wedding rings here. A lot of the posters need your example. Maintaining alpha male status is manifestly important. Whether you choose to divorce or not, you have to be alpha to enforce boundaries on the WW. Or to stay strong when family and friends try to convince you to suck it up and put a smile on your face, and play the good little cuckold. The beta's on here follow their cheating skanks around like puppies begging and pleading for them to give them one more chance. Disgusting. Being beta removes all choice, self determination and self respect. They might as well have a pair of Nueticals instead of testicles. So stick around and put to good use the experiences you have gone through. Your example is sorely needed.
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post #30 of 284 (permalink) Old 12-25-2011, 08:05 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

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Originally Posted by warlock07 View Post
You are "the" man.

Do you feel sad though?
Only about the wasted time. I think I know now how a long-time doper feels after finally getting clean - "did I really blow all that time? you mean I don't get a second chance at that decade?" It doesn't make my skin crawl when I think about all the years of faked closeness, but it's a sad state for everyone when bags of lies walk the earth and can't be told from human beings. Hope my kids got my chromosomes.

Whatever. Outside of my marriage, there were real, tangible advances in my life over the past years, can't dispute that. Concentrate on the good and kick the garbage into the gutter. Excelsior, excelsior.
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