Getting it from all sides - angry - Page 4 - Talk About Marriage
Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

User Tag List

 121Likes
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #46 of 284 (permalink) Old 12-25-2011, 11:29 AM
Member
 
morituri's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: So Cal
Posts: 4,988
Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

Quote:
Originally Posted by aug View Post
It may be too soon for you to crystallize your decision to divorce. You're most likely undergoing the various stages of grief right now.

Continue the process of divorce and securing your assets anyways. In the slight chance you can always stop/hold the divorce process at any time.


Despite your show of emotional strength, there is probably some love left for your wife and if that is the case, you may yet to experience other emotions, like pain and grief.

Nevertheless, try as hard as you can to use your head to rule over your emotions and life altering decisions.


'I'd rather live by a dream, than live by a lie.
morituri is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #47 of 284 (permalink) Old 12-25-2011, 11:43 AM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 419
Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

Quote:
Originally Posted by morituri View Post


Despite your show of emotional strength, there is probably some love left for your wife and if that is the case, you may yet to experience other emotions, like pain and grief.

Nevertheless, try as hard as you can to use your head to rule over your emotions and life altering decisions.
I get what you all mean, but what I loved was what I thought my wife was, not what she really is. It's like having been in love with a character in a movie or a novel.

That person does not exist. She never existed.

Time to get into reality, but there's no need to blow it out of proportion. I got conned. Lots of people get conned.
lascarx is offline  
post #48 of 284 (permalink) Old 12-25-2011, 12:11 PM
Member
 
morituri's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: So Cal
Posts: 4,988
Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

Quote:
Originally Posted by lascarx View Post
I get what you all mean, but what I loved was what I thought my wife was, not what she really is. It's like having been in love with a character in a movie or a novel.

That person does not exist. She never existed.

Time to get into reality, but there's no need to blow it out of proportion. I got conned. Lots of people get conned.
It's amazing to have a recently betrayed spouse who embraces this realistic mindset. Most other betrayed spouses cannot accept it because they are in a 'fog' (shock and denial) of their own.

'I'd rather live by a dream, than live by a lie.

Last edited by morituri; 12-25-2011 at 12:52 PM.
morituri is offline  
 
post #49 of 284 (permalink) Old 12-25-2011, 12:50 PM
Member
 
working_together's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,594
Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

You sound like a very "cut and dry" kind of guy, and this was probably a deal breaker for you. It sounds as if right now you will never get past what she has done to you.

But you still need some I/C to deal with the emotions you have right now, whether or not your kids know what's going on between the two of you, they will feel your anger. You want to carry on as a good dad.

All the best
working_together is offline  
post #50 of 284 (permalink) Old 12-25-2011, 12:51 PM
Member
 
tacoma's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Florida
Posts: 5,485
Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

I don't think this guy needs counselling.
Posted via Mobile Device
tacoma is offline  
post #51 of 284 (permalink) Old 12-25-2011, 12:54 PM
Member
 
morituri's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: So Cal
Posts: 4,988
Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

Quote:
Originally Posted by tacoma View Post
I don't think this guy needs counselling.
Posted via Mobile Device
He may not need it but his children probably could benefit from it.

'I'd rather live by a dream, than live by a lie.
morituri is offline  
post #52 of 284 (permalink) Old 12-25-2011, 01:46 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Southern california
Posts: 2,182
Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

Just stick to your guns---no matter what kind of family BS pressure you get---actually down the line YOUR family will figure it out, and hopefully back your play.

You only get one trip thru life on this planet, AND YOU GOTTA DO WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU------you want that trip to be a good, and happy trip---if that means dumping your cheating spouse---THAN SO BE IT----Happy Holidays
jnj express is offline  
post #53 of 284 (permalink) Old 12-25-2011, 02:51 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 215
Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

Quote:
I really do not care if I am strong or weak in the eyes of God or man. Main thing is January 2012 and reaching for that big old spray can of Floozy-B-Gon.
LOL thanks Lascarx thoughout my ordeal there have been few occasions to laugh but floozy b gon! love it!!!!! does it come by the case? can I spray away my troubles? I can
see the commercial:guys been cheated on by your wife? well worry no more order floozy b gon and erase all traces of the betrayal. to order call 1-800....
another was the Godzilla facepalm Thanks Lord Mayhem.
I admire your resolve its taken me a bit longer to get there but I believe I'm at acceptance. She wasn't who I thought. Another thing is you say you don't care about OM
but do you want your kids around the a-hole ? I don't! I'm putting his name in the RO's. so if she wants to live with the upstanding p.o.s fine but can't take my daughter there.
Posted via Mobile Device
Blindasabat is offline  
post #54 of 284 (permalink) Old 12-25-2011, 02:51 PM
Member
 
Thor's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 9,044
Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

Quote:
Originally Posted by Humble Married Man View Post

I wonder, if one's spouse cheats on them, does that negate the entire relationship? All the pleasant times that were shared?
I think that once a spouse cheats the rest of the relationship is a sham. I will even generalize it to once an infidelity occurs, the relationship is a farce until meaningfully repaired.

A true relationship is based on trust, love, and respect. When one person is secretly violating those basic building blocks, the remainder of the relationship is no more than a false image.

This is one of the big disappointments to me. I have discovered that my wife is not who I thought she was. She was pretending the whole time. Our marriage was not based on what I thought it was. Things happened which were not as I interpreted them, whereas she knew the truth yet failed to inform me. To my detriment at the time, too.

So all those good times we had now seem like make believe. I was in some kind of altered state of awareness, not knowing what was really going on around me. And what was she thinking about me the whole time? Not what I thought, assumed, or believed she was.
Thor is online now  
post #55 of 284 (permalink) Old 12-25-2011, 03:00 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 215
Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

And I understand what your going through with the family I got that with my first divorce my parents took her side
wanted to continue having a relationship with oh so wonderfull daughter in law. there wasn't cheating in that one but she is one
gave up on us and that ended
it and I got the blame. I was really pissed off with them at times for not being more loyal to me I dread going through it
with them -possibly getting blamed for causing her to stray sh'yeah! Not fighting for the marraiage not forgiving blah blah
what a crapfest!
Posted via Mobile Device

Blindasabat is offline  
post #56 of 284 (permalink) Old 12-25-2011, 03:33 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 419
Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

Quote:
Originally Posted by working_together View Post
You sound like a very "cut and dry" kind of guy, and this was probably a deal breaker for you. It sounds as if right now you will never get past what she has done to you.

But you still need some I/C to deal with the emotions you have right now, whether or not your kids know what's going on between the two of you, they will feel your anger. You want to carry on as a good dad.

All the best
I have already gotten past what she's done and am ready to move on. I don't even view it as something she's done "to me." I'm also thinking she doesn't view it as something she's done to me, but I've stopped assuming that I know what goes on behind that face.

It obviously got sidetracked, but this thread was really about how my family has knifed me. They're the ones I've got a real beef with. The princess can do whatever she wants, as long as it's not within line-of-sight of anywhere I'm at.

Quote:
Originally Posted by tacoma View Post
I don't think this guy needs counselling.
Quote:
Originally Posted by morituri View Post
He may not need it but his children probably could benefit from it.
If we're to believe the head-shrinkers, we all need counseling from the time we eat our first spoonfuls of Gerber's mushymeat. The shrinks also all treat each other and still end up bonking their patients and writing their own prescriptions to pill out on. I'm sure that there are a few honest psychologists out there but I'm going to take my time about deciding this one.
lascarx is offline  
post #57 of 284 (permalink) Old 12-25-2011, 03:38 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 419
Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

Quote:
Originally Posted by jnj express View Post
Just stick to your guns---no matter what kind of family BS pressure you get---actually down the line YOUR family will figure it out, and hopefully back your play.

You only get one trip thru life on this planet, AND YOU GOTTA DO WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU------you want that trip to be a good, and happy trip---if that means dumping your cheating spouse---THAN SO BE IT----Happy Holidays
From the way my family is talking now, I say they've either been smoking crack or been hit with the alien stupid ray. I don't see them coming around. Never experienced this from them before. Her family is actually being a bigger pain in the butt, but they're her blood so I don't hold it against them.

"One trip" is right, you've got the right idea.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Blindasabat View Post
LOL thanks Lascarx thoughout my ordeal there have been few occasions to laugh but floozy b gon! love it!!!!! does it come by the case? can I spray away my troubles? I can
see the commercial:guys been cheated on by your wife? well worry no more order floozy b gon and erase all traces of the betrayal. to order call 1-800....
another was the Godzilla facepalm Thanks Lord Mayhem.
I admire your resolve its taken me a bit longer to get there but I believe I'm at acceptance. She wasn't who I thought. Another thing is you say you don't care about OM
but do you want your kids around the a-hole ? I don't! I'm putting his name in the RO's. so if she wants to live with the upstanding p.o.s fine but can't take my daughter there.
You're welcome. Everything needs to have a lighter side.

Seriously, I don't know that the OM is an a-hole. I would say let the kids figure that out for themselves. My older one can definitely tell me if he's mean or a jerk. That's assuming that the wife takes up with him, however. Like I've said already, don't know why she's not jumping at it, but she's not.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Thor View Post
This is one of the big disappointments to me. I have discovered that my wife is not who I thought she was. She was pretending the whole time. Our marriage was not based on what I thought it was. Things happened which were not as I interpreted them, whereas she knew the truth yet failed to inform me. To my detriment at the time, too.

So all those good times we had now seem like make believe. I was in some kind of altered state of awareness, not knowing what was really going on around me. And what was she thinking about me the whole time? Not what I thought, assumed, or believed she was.
Friend, you've hit it right on the button. So what do you do? You get out of the tank, get away from that pod person. Spend too much time around pod people and you'll end up becoming one, that's what I think.
lascarx is offline  
post #58 of 284 (permalink) Old 12-25-2011, 04:43 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 111
Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

Quote:
Originally Posted by tacoma View Post
I don't think this guy needs counselling.
Posted via Mobile Device

I think that too...He is dealing realy great with it and I am realy amazed how he respects himself...

I never went to an IC after my divorce and I feel great and I think my son his great too and its been 5 years since I divorced her...

I came to this and another forum about infidelity because I couldn't understand all this BS who are begging,being needy,crying or other things like that...so I came on this forum to try to understand the mindset of this BS who are desperate to reconcile after all the humiliation,disrespect and then also willing to deal with the "fog" of WS...

I am also trying to understand the "hysterical bonding" because I never experienced that...I simply couldn't touch her anymore after the D-day...I never hated her but I was just feeling indifferent towards her...

This is the first poster/person with such high self esteem and I think we need some more BS like him to tell their stories and try to help the BS that are weak to see the reality...

I think I am going off topic so I will stop now...
Bugz Bunny is offline  
post #59 of 284 (permalink) Old 12-25-2011, 05:23 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 419
Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bugz Bunny View Post
This is the first poster/person with such high self esteem and I think we need some more BS like him to tell their stories and try to help the BS that are weak to see the reality...

I think I am going off topic so I will stop now...
I don't know if I have high self-esteem. I was never a bigshot or a ball of fire. I'm just a regular jamoke doing what comes natural. I have to punch a clock and I take my lunch in a bag, no Wall Street 3-hour booze-brunches for me. But I've never been ashamed of what I am and I don't look back.

If the wife decided she liked some other guy better, or just decided that she was the type who needed to screw around, she should have told me first and we would have split up gently and with respect. Sometimes it doesn't work out, and people just find out that they're not the marrying type or just not with the right person. But she decided on this lying affair BS, and now it's a total mess for everyone. Stupid.

Last edited by lascarx; 12-25-2011 at 05:29 PM.
lascarx is offline  
post #60 of 284 (permalink) Old 12-25-2011, 05:48 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 44
Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

Quote:
Originally Posted by Thor View Post
I think that once a spouse cheats the rest of the relationship is a sham. I will even generalize it to once an infidelity occurs, the relationship is a farce until meaningfully repaired.

A true relationship is based on trust, love, and respect. When one person is secretly violating those basic building blocks, the remainder of the relationship is no more than a false image.

This is one of the big disappointments to me. I have discovered that my wife is not who I thought she was. She was pretending the whole time. Our marriage was not based on what I thought it was. Things happened which were not as I interpreted them, whereas she knew the truth yet failed to inform me. To my detriment at the time, too.

So all those good times we had now seem like make believe. I was in some kind of altered state of awareness, not knowing what was really going on around me. And what was she thinking about me the whole time? Not what I thought, assumed, or believed she was.
If you think about it, does that really have anything to do with infidelity?

Or does it have to do with two-faced people in general, and the fact that you just so happened to marry a two-faced individual?

And why does it take something like infidelity in particular for BSs to leave their two-faced spouses, or to even realise that the person they married is not who they seem? How many BSs here believe that they stuck their heads in the sand?

Let me give you a hypothetical situation here: You've had a happy marriage for 30 years. No drama and no complications. Lots of passion and lots of love. Then one of the spouses cheats. What does this say about the past 30 years?
Humble Married Man is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
HELP! When both sides have cheated... JeepWrangler Coping with Infidelity 36 10-15-2012 04:07 PM
Need advice from both sides please MR DK General Relationship Discussion 11 12-22-2011 08:16 AM
Both sides of the Family attmay13 General Relationship Discussion 0 03-22-2011 08:16 AM
2 sides Trying2Understand General Relationship Discussion 4 04-16-2010 12:30 PM
do I have to take sides? yazito The Ladies' Lounge 4 04-20-2009 05:10 PM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome