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Getting it from all sides - angry

223K views 308 replies 85 participants last post by  bygone 
#1 ·
I just found out my wife has been having a sexual affair for more than a year. We've been married for 8 years, have 2 kids, and I thought we had a great marriage. We were good friends, had a lot of shared experiences and I thought we were really close.

She tells me that she still loves me and wants to go to counseling, but I feel conned and BSed and want out, no deposit, no return. I'm moving out after Christmas and plan to file for divorce after New Years. If she doesn't want the kids, they can live full-time with me, I can figure out how to make it work.

She has now put on this I'm-so-sorry-and-depressed act and both her family and my family are starting to hi-pressure me to try for reconciliation. I can't imagine ever wanting to be near her again, let alone sleep with her. I think if the other guy floats her boat she should go take up with him and be happy, and if she was willing to do it with him for this long, why isn't she doing what comes natural? (Must be the money, I guess.)

I don't know much about him, but I know he's not with anyone else, so it shouldn't be a problem from that end. I have no problem if love blooms eternal for them, it's time for me to start over and find something real of my own, I'm only going to live once.

I mean, let's face it, she's been screwing this other guy and hiding it from me for over a year. That's one month of lying for every year we've been married. Is there anything I'm missing here? I used to think that I was close to my family but with this latest, I'm also thinking of telling them to kiss my behind and adopt her if they think she's so great.
 
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#272 ·
OMG, this was a great read. So much so that I had to know more.

I Google "surviving infidelity threw it away" and WW archived threads popped up.

There was a DDay2, she posted in profile. It was 1/26/12. She revealed multiple affairs. Poor lascarx. He is/was a heck of a guy. WW says so in her post.

I'm taking my lunch break. Just popped some popcorn and about to do some reading.

I'm hoping to hear great news about him and their kids.
 
#274 ·
Yeah. She was basically the town bicycle.
I just spent the morning reading this thread and it ends like this, with alpha LascarX being the town cuckold. Its ironic and depressing and his sudden about-face reconciliation was a buzz kill. But I'm glad I read the thread for a two reasons.

1. I found out that I'm not the only one with a mom who presses her kids to stay with an adulterer. Just before I left my wife, my said "I'f YOU can't get over what she did, then you should divorce. Her tone made it clear that I was to blame for not getting over it.

2. This thread confirms that I made the right decision to divorce. I'm forever going back and forth in my mind about that decision.
 
#275 ·
Her posts are pure gold as far as narcissism is concerned:

Earlier this week, I was telephoning with my older daughter. Something she said implied that her father had become a better cook and housekeeper than I was. I know it was all innocent, she was trying to reassure me that things were well at home, but I was uneasy.
It took some time to recognize that I was full of resentment.

Later, during my counseling session, we went through my feelings at different times during my marriage and one thing that often came up was my irritation. I was irritated that he never asked for any help, never seemed to worry, exasperated at his always seeming to produce the needed life-skill regardless of situation or crisis. I had always thought that my irritation was good-natured and an expression of my pride in him, but I am starting to think -- starting to know -- that I really resented him in some way, and never wanted to think about it long enough to see it for what it was.

Today I was thinking -- for so long, I have told myself that I love him so dearly, but what if one of the "whys" is that I was envious of him and wanted to take him down a peg? I pray that this isn't true.
Another:
I can't take it that lightly. I've lost him and that makes everything hurt intensely and often causes me to put everything in the worst possible light. I think it will be a long time before I finally am able to accept that these efforts will probably only be for myself and my children.

There are so many little resentments which I am opening up to recognizing now. All of them are ridiculous, but I feel them just the same. After his first discovery, he would not communicate with me and in less than two weeks, told me to leave. Even though he was completely in the right -- after all, I was still concealing much worse than he knew -- I still resented him for not showing the slightest bit of hurt or sadness, for making his decision so quickly; it all made me feel like I was worth nothing to him. Again, there is no reason why I should have been worth more than nothing to him, so it is really only self-pity in the end.

He destroyed anything he could find that had memories of us in it, burned my wedding dress and burned every picture of the two of us together, even the pictures from when our children were new-born. All those irreplaceable, precious things gone, and I resent him for it. But he was of course again in the right, he saw our life together as a deception and all those pictures as false witness.

I think there is a great deal more which I will have to work at before I can see these events through his eyes. I am not there yet.
 
#281 ·
lascarx, shamwow, bff, and bandit45 (!) are among my favorite TAMers. It sounds ghoulish, I suppose, to use the word 'favorite,' when these threads are so full of heartache. I think what I mean is that I admire the intellects and spirit of these men & to say that I have these feelings for anonymous posters on the intertubes is something special imo.

I agree that lascarx was TAM's Mark Twain. Bandit is TAM's Will Rogers. Articulate men whose insight makes things a bit easier to handle.

aD
 
#290 ·
It was said he died in a work related accident and r seriously injured. His wife posted the on SI. I got banned from there for asking her a question. That was my first banning.

There was also speculation that the thread was fake. However, there were news reports of the accident if I remember correctly.
 
#293 ·
His wife never came back and reported if he had passed away or not. Given that she just dropped off it is possible he did.



Or it was all an elaborate troll hoax... If so he was the most entertaining troll I've ever come across, and an superb writer.
Yup.

Floozie-B-Gone...lol.

Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk
 
#297 ·
I have not posted for a while because I don't think that I have been making any progress... I have pulled my life together, I am working, but I haven't been able to move on beyond what I've done or accept the loss of my marriage.

Something awful has happened. My husband was in a very severe work-related accident. He has a fractured skull and is still in an induced coma. He saved two of his co-workers' lives that day.

I blame myself often. He was working nights due to our separation and I remember hearing that when accidents happened, they always seemed to happen on the late shifts.

I talk to him and hold his hand and sometimes I think I feel his squeeze mine back, but I know that is impossible. I never really knew how precious life is, not until now. I try and remain strong for our childrens' sake, that is all I can do now.


This was the last post she made. I posted on the thread actually. She had a few other threads as well. If I'm not wrong,the first time I saw him post was on SI as well. Without any real confirmation,I'd like to believe he made it through.
 
#303 · (Edited)
I almost put this in the HOF but it ends on such a down note I can't. Seems like the family pressure thing is a lot more common then one thinks.

What I also find interesting is that reading a post from 5 years ago before I ever got on this site people came to the same conclusions I did.

I often feel like that all the advice could be boiled down to two or three paragraphs one by those who choose to R and one by those who don't.

Anyway here is to @lascarx wherever you are. You are a great example still today 9 years later.
 
#305 ·
Wow, he joined and posted this thread the same year I started my "journey". And I remember his name but not this thread. The writing is incredible, as is some of the anecdotes. The paragraph where he talks about his wife giving the 2 hour tour but there is a hidden staircase, should be a sticky for all to read.

A shame what happened to him. Too many stories end that way.

It was also amazing to see all the "old guard" posters on the thread, many who helped me tremendously when I was at my worst times.
 
#309 ·
I wanted to commemorate this man, I saw his writings today, it was meaningful to read him.

I read his wife's posts on her si, she is the worst one in reality, her writings also describe her point of view well.

no update,

He explained very well how many people's lives were affected by marrying the wrong person,

om became an alcoholic, her husband had a work accident, the personality development and current status of the children staying with their mothers should be determined.

I don't think she will change.
 
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