Getting it from all sides - angry - Page 7 - Talk About Marriage
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post #91 of 270 (permalink) Old 12-26-2011, 03:16 PM
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Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

Nothing like a "scorched earth", "nuclear strike" and "damn the torpedoes - full speed ahead"!

Good on ya! Kinda irrational with the physical destruction. You seem to be getting your revenge. Feels good until the fun part of smashing things wears off. Hey - each to his own but I'd probably be the same way.
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post #92 of 270 (permalink) Old 12-26-2011, 03:38 PM
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Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

Lascarx you should start www.dumpthe*****.com which is avail. though I bet floozy b gon is avail too. you are very strong in this you are a rock you are an island. you've
helped me in my own situation get mentally tough for what's ahead
talk about Man up! you could run a boot camp for betrayed spouses. The kids aren't going to be strong like you so just give your kids alot of hugs and continue to be their dominant influence.
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post #93 of 270 (permalink) Old 12-26-2011, 03:40 PM
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Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

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Originally Posted by lascarx View Post
It occurred to me that maybe the reason people can't forget painful things is because they try to separate out the good from the bad, try to hold onto one and drop the other. But memories are not divisible that way. Have to take them the way they are or surrender them completely.
that was pretty profound. and true. I think that's why I've always been able to move on, I am at peace having grief and joy live next to each other, never trying to force one to live someplace else. I don't feed grief or pain, but I surrender to its right to exist as a cost of loving without worrying about how to pay for the pain later.

I do admire your ability to know what you can and can't live with. I know I was there on D-Day, he left, and it took a long time to come to terms with the regret or wishing we could go back and start again or have a do-over. I got through it, but it was a fight for many, many months.
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post #94 of 270 (permalink) Old 12-26-2011, 03:58 PM
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Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

Have you shown your folks the emails and any other evidence? Granted, know one can really understand this crap enless they go through it, but geez...your folks should be behind you.

Maybe if they saw with there own eyes the sh!t you read, then they may understand the pain and lighten up on the forgiveness b*llsh*t.

The only concern I would have is if infact I had a friend that wasn't really a friend. I'd find out who the OM so I'm not getting the double betrayal.

My "good" friend/business partner screwed me and my WW. So watch out, as you can see people/family arein't what they seem. So I suggest you quitely do your investigation and rule out any additional betrayal. Please think about this!
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post #95 of 270 (permalink) Old 12-26-2011, 04:21 PM
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Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

Ok so she left with the bag. She might have just left to get away from your anger for a few hours or a day or two. She could be in a hotel or at a friends house. Her leaving does not mean that she's with the OM.

And she might be back. She has the legal right to live in the family home. It's her residence and you do not have the right to throw her out... not until there is a court order for her to leave.

So if she comes back you have to let her back in.
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post #96 of 270 (permalink) Old 12-26-2011, 04:22 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

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Have you shown your folks the emails and any other evidence? Granted, know one can really understand this crap enless they go through it, but geez...your folks should be behind you.

Maybe if they saw with there own eyes the sh!t you read, then they may understand the pain and lighten up on the forgiveness b*llsh*t.

The only concern I would have is if infact I had a friend that wasn't really a friend. I'd find out who the OM so I'm not getting the double betrayal.

My "good" friend/business partner screwed me and my WW. So watch out, as you can see people/family arein't what they seem. So I suggest you quitely do your investigation and rule out any additional betrayal. Please think about this!
Thanks for the advice. I'm ok though.

It could be my bestest friend in the whole world and it wouldn't matter, because it would be the same as with the wife - I would only have been friends with what I thought was there. Pod person all over again. So I'm not going to sweat that one all that much. If it happens to turn out that way, I'll have me 2 phonies revealed for the price of 1.

Don't have the password to her computer and don't want it. I don't even have time to do all the reading I'd like to do, so there's no way I'm going to be bothering with that trash. Computer's going to the local UPS tomorrow, they'll hold things for pick-up.

As far as my folks go, if they can't take her going to her beau as the sign that they should be roasting up a crow for their next supper, know what? Screw them too.
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post #97 of 270 (permalink) Old 12-26-2011, 04:32 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

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Ok so she left with the bag. She might have just left to get away from your anger for a few hours or a day or two. She could be in a hotel or at a friends house. Her leaving does not mean that she's with the OM.

And she might be back. She has the legal right to live in the family home. It's her residence and you do not have the right to throw her out... not until there is a court order for her to leave.

So if she comes back you have to let her back in.
It's too bad you can't make real wagers on this forum. I'd bet you whatever you wish that she drove straight to his place. Why would she go anywhere else?

And I won't have to let her in because she's got a key and can let herself in. I don't plan to be doing anything libertine here, so she's welcome to stop by and have a sandwich any time she likes. Don't want her moping around and depressing the kids though.
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post #98 of 270 (permalink) Old 12-26-2011, 04:37 PM
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Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

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It's too bad you can't make real wagers on this forum. I'd bet you whatever you wish that she drove straight to his place. Why would she go anywhere else?

And I won't have to let her in because she's got a key and can let herself in. I don't plan to be doing anything libertine here, so she's welcome to stop by and have a sandwich any time she likes. Don't want her moping around and depressing the kids though.
Who knows where she went... but there a good chance it was not to him.


She can let herself in and she can stay. You cannot kick her out. If you try to keep her from staying. This is the point I'm trying to make. She has legal rights in this as well.
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post #99 of 270 (permalink) Old 12-26-2011, 04:39 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

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Lascarx you should start www.dumpthe*****.com which is avail. though I bet floozy b gon is avail too. you are very strong in this you are a rock you are an island. you've
helped me in my own situation get mentally tough for what's ahead
talk about Man up! you could run a boot camp for betrayed spouses. The kids aren't going to be strong like you so just give your kids alot of hugs and continue to be their dominant influence.
Quote:
Originally Posted by loveiswhereiamnot View Post
that was pretty profound. and true. I think that's why I've always been able to move on, I am at peace having grief and joy live next to each other, never trying to force one to live someplace else. I don't feed grief or pain, but I surrender to its right to exist as a cost of loving without worrying about how to pay for the pain later.

I do admire your ability to know what you can and can't live with. I know I was there on D-Day, he left, and it took a long time to come to terms with the regret or wishing we could go back and start again or have a do-over. I got through it, but it was a fight for many, many months.
Anything could happen. My attorney might be full of it, she might take me for every dime and blow it with her beau on champagne and vibrating underwear. But I won't look back. You haven't lost anything if you're always looking forward, so I hope you do the same.
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post #100 of 270 (permalink) Old 12-26-2011, 04:43 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

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Who knows where she went... but there a good chance it was not to him.


She can let herself in and she can stay. You cannot kick her out. If you try to keep her from staying. This is the point I'm trying to make. She has legal rights in this as well.
I don't plan on physically booting her, if you're trying to warn me. But she won't want to stay here, that's settled. And she knows she can't deal with the kids, that's why I changed tack and decided to stay here myself.

I'll play along. What makes you think she probably did not go to him, seeing as you weren't there?

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post #101 of 270 (permalink) Old 12-26-2011, 04:45 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

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Nothing like a "scorched earth", "nuclear strike" and "damn the torpedoes - full speed ahead"!

Good on ya! Kinda irrational with the physical destruction. You seem to be getting your revenge. Feels good until the fun part of smashing things wears off. Hey - each to his own but I'd probably be the same way.
No scorched earth. It was surgical in its precision - I destroyed nothing of value.
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post #102 of 270 (permalink) Old 12-26-2011, 04:45 PM
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Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

I didn't read pages 3-7 but just to let you know, as someone who's gone through this, no one should judge how you choose to respond.

I chose to reconcile, and I'm glad I did, my marriage has been amazing since (though it's an extremely difficult process). But I could not and would not judge anyone who decided to leave their spouse after cheating.

It is such an emotional decision. There are so many things you have to deal with and internalize, no one can make that decision for you. If you've decided that reconciling isn't worth the effort, don't feel guilty about it.

Sorry you're going through this BS.
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post #103 of 270 (permalink) Old 12-26-2011, 04:50 PM
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Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

How in the hell are you going to know if your best friend is stabbing you in the back unless you look?

I'm just saying you can do alot of painful research and it is my experience that it will serve you well in the future...especially when kids ar involved.

Heaven forbid her new man is a pedifile...thats even worse then the double betrayal.

Has she been stashing money away? Is this an exit affair?

Talk to the lawyer and ask him if there any one thing that will protect you in knowing more about the affair then what would that be, and go and find it.

Again a little research will help you in the future. Even if you hire a PI and the info goes to your lawyer, then your lawyer can see what needs to be protected here.....your kid, money, your health. Muti partners can for sure leave you at risk....you only know about one.

What was her second life all about? how much danger has this "stranger" put you and your kids in?
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post #104 of 270 (permalink) Old 12-26-2011, 04:52 PM
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Anything could happen. My attorney might be full of it, she might take me for every dime and blow it with her beau on champagne and vibrating underwear. But I won't look back. You haven't lost anything if you're always looking forward, so I hope you do the same.
that is my worry that it won't go the way it should but I have a very good firm and very experienced family law attorney
so I'm rolling the dice in a game I didn't want to be in and going for the best future for me and my daughter
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post #105 of 270 (permalink) Old 12-26-2011, 05:01 PM
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Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

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I don't plan on physically booting her, if you're trying to warn me. But she won't want to stay here, that's settled. And she knows she can't deal with the kids, that's why I changed tack and decided to stay here myself.

I'll play along. What makes you think she probably did not go to him, seeing as you weren't there?
My now husband did something similar with his ex-wife. She was having an affair. When he found out about the affair. He gave her to option to end the affair right then and there or to leave. She left to go live with her boyfriend.

His two younger children were 8 and 10 at the time. He ended up with 100% physcal custody and 50/50 legal custody. So she had visitation.

Later when we married he move half way across the country to the state where I live. I basically became mom to my two step-children. The held their father responsible for their mother leaving. The anger they had for him led to horrible problems with the children.

Children see everything from their own perspective. In the end they usually do not care about the fights and problems thier parents have. They care about how this affects them. Yes my step children knew she was having an affair. But she was still their mother. They still love her. They still wanted to have her around... living in the same home with them.

They were angry at the harsh way their father treated their mother. As much as it might make sense in the adult world. In their world all they care about is that they want both of their parents.

Your kids might seem to be ok right now. It will take time for it to sink in. YOu would be best to make sure our wife and the children keep a strong relationship...for the sake of your children.
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