Getting it from all sides - angry - Page 8 - Talk About Marriage
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post #106 of 270 (permalink) Old 12-26-2011, 05:02 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

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How in the hell are you going to know if your best friend is stabbing you in the back unless you look?

I'm just saying you can do alot of painful research and it is my experience that it will serve you well in the future...especially when kids ar involved.

Heaven forbid her new man is a pedifile...thats even worse then the double betrayal.

Has she been stashing money away? Is this an exit affair?

Talk to the lawyer and ask him if there any one thing that will protect you in knowing more about the affair then what would that be, and go and find it.

Again a little research will help you in the future. Even if you hire a PI and the info goes to your lawyer, then your lawyer can see what needs to be protected here.....your kid, money, your health. Muti partners can for sure leave you at risk....you only know about one.

What was her second life all about? how much danger has this "stranger" put you and your kids in?
I get where you're at, but I'll know everything there is to know about this guy latest tomorrow evening, when the wife calls her parents to tell her where she's living now. I wouldn't put it past her morally to take up with dopers or swingers but she's too fastidious about her rep to have done something like that now.

Once she makes contact, I'll go see them on their turf before letting her take the kids over there.

Strangely enough, I'm almost certain that he's a nice fellow who's just met his femme fatale. See how long that lasts.

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post #107 of 270 (permalink) Old 12-26-2011, 05:05 PM
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Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

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Don't have the password to her computer and don't want it. I don't even have time to do all the reading I'd like to do, so there's no way I'm going to be bothering with that trash. Computer's going to the local UPS tomorrow, they'll hold things for pick-up.
No. Hold onto the computer. It's evidence. And you may need more forensic evidence from it in the future.

Take the computer and secure it somewhere.
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post #108 of 270 (permalink) Old 12-26-2011, 05:07 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

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Your kids might seem to be ok right now. It will take time for it to sink in. YOu would be best to make sure our wife and the children keep a strong relationship...for the sake of your children.
That's her responsibility, not mine. I have no intention of pushing her completely out. But I'm not in favor of giving her any more custody than I have to. Not until I know her better.

Have to see what the court says.
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post #109 of 270 (permalink) Old 12-26-2011, 05:18 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

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No. Hold onto the computer. It's evidence. And you may need more forensic evidence from it in the future.

Take the computer and secure it somewhere.
Ok, I'll put it away for a few days. Probably best to ask the attorney first, you're right.
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post #110 of 270 (permalink) Old 12-26-2011, 05:25 PM
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Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

You make the assumtion that this is the women you knew and married. Please protect your self, kids and parents and assume nothing....this is not the same women you once knew....that women has past away.

You are now dealing with a complete stranger and with that any thing is possible, the drugs the drinking the vandictive nature she has and the capacity to hurt the ones she loved.

You have no idea who your are *now* dealing with! Either does your parents, so please find out! In lighten them and your self.

Please do the research that needs to be done to find out who this stranger is and who she has become and with whome.

Your kids are counting on that. Your folk need to know what she has become.


Sure this will come out sooner or later, but will it be the truth or another smoke screen to continuely make you out to be the bad guy like she has done with your folks and hers?


I know you don't care what poeple think right now, but when the dust clears we will be kicking your self for not taking the steps in finding out what the reality is in all of this.

It may not answer the whys but like you said its about the future and you will be best served by knowing your enemy and thier capacities for the future.
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post #111 of 270 (permalink) Old 12-26-2011, 05:36 PM
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Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

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Originally Posted by lascarx View Post
That's her responsibility, not mine. I have no intention of pushing her completely out. But I'm not in favor of giving her any more custody than I have to. Not until I know her better.

Have to see what the court says.
The way you word things makes it sound as though you think you are in charge of what happens in the divorce and with custody. You are not. Your wife has as much right to have custody of your childen as you do. If she was the primary care giver she is more likely to get primary custody. You are not the one who will be "giving her custody". The court will work to make sure that your children have as much access to both of you as possible.

I think you have an unrealistic view of what divorce is like and how courts deal with child custody.
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post #112 of 270 (permalink) Old 12-26-2011, 05:49 PM
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The way you word things makes it sound as though you think you are in charge of what happens in the divorce and with custody. You are not. Your wife has as much right to have custody of your childen as you do. If she was the primary care giver she is more likely to get primary custody. You are not the one who will be "giving her custody". The court will work to make sure that your children have as much access to both of you as possible.

I think you have an unrealistic view of what divorce is like and how courts deal with child custody.
court scares me If there was true justice cheaters would go to jail and get visitation only. but the courts are fff-d up and
still can add insult to injury and favor a cheating mom over a loyal dad that's so f-ing stupid!!! my saving grace may be she exposed my
daughter to two affairs.
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post #113 of 270 (permalink) Old 12-26-2011, 05:59 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

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You make the assumtion that this is the women you knew and married. Please protect your self, kids and parents and assume nothing....this is not the same women you once knew....that women has past away.
Friend, it's worse than that. She didn't pass away. She simply never was.

I'll definitely be finding out about him shortly. I'm taking your advice to heart.

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The way you word things makes it sound as though you think you are in charge of what happens in the divorce and with custody. You are not. Your wife has as much right to have custody of your childen as you do. If she was the primary care giver she is more likely to get primary custody. You are not the one who will be "giving her custody". The court will work to make sure that your children have as much access to both of you as possible.

I think you have an unrealistic view of what divorce is like and how courts deal with child custody.
I smell some other unspoken agenda here, but what people don't want to say, they won't.

When I say "not in favor of giving her more than I have to," that's what I mean. I may not have anything to say at all. I may indeed HAVE TO give her everything. That's why I say "have to see what the court says." But I have no intention of rolling over. Nor do I intend to represent myself.

The original plan was I leave. She finally left because she wanted to be with her beau. I'm guessing the problem was that she couldn't admit it and that's what was getting her all down-in-the-mouth and mopey. So: I'm currently the single parent. That's the physical what-is, even if the law isn't planning to give me a trip to Disney World for it.

She'll have fun with her beau and then she'll be back around to talk turkey, I have no delusions about that. But it will be a few weeks before she gets that far. Like I said, she's free to stop by any time she likes.
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post #114 of 270 (permalink) Old 12-26-2011, 06:07 PM
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Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

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My now husband did something similar with his ex-wife. She was having an affair. When he found out about the affair. He gave her to option to end the affair right then and there or to leave. She left to go live with her boyfriend.

His two younger children were 8 and 10 at the time. He ended up with 100% physcal custody and 50/50 legal custody. So she had visitation.

Later when we married he move half way across the country to the state where I live. I basically became mom to my two step-children. The held their father responsible for their mother leaving. The anger they had for him led to horrible problems with the children.

Children see everything from their own perspective. In the end they usually do not care about the fights and problems thier parents have. They care about how this affects them. Yes my step children knew she was having an affair. But she was still their mother. They still love her. They still wanted to have her around... living in the same home with them.

They were angry at the harsh way their father treated their mother. As much as it might make sense in the adult world. In their world all they care about is that they want both of their parents.

Your kids might seem to be ok right now. It will take time for it to sink in. YOu would be best to make sure our wife and the children keep a strong relationship...for the sake of your children.
Wow, someone really needed to set them staight on the choice their mother made: The boyfriend over them. what a piece of scum she was.
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post #115 of 270 (permalink) Old 12-26-2011, 06:09 PM
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Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

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Originally Posted by EleGirl View Post
The way you word things makes it sound as though you think you are in charge of what happens in the divorce and with custody. You are not. Your wife has as much right to have custody of your childen as you do. If she was the primary care giver she is more likely to get primary custody. You are not the one who will be "giving her custody". The court will work to make sure that your children have as much access to both of you as possible.

I think you have an unrealistic view of what divorce is like and how courts deal with child custody.
This is why he needs the shark lawyer - to keep as much from her as he can get.

I think the marriage contract should include a legal class in all states which says - If you cheat: You loose it all.

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post #116 of 270 (permalink) Old 12-26-2011, 06:19 PM
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Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

Abandonment........ talk to the lawyer and inform him that she left the family home to be with OM.

Also look into a moral clause that will prevent the OM from being introduced to the kids while your still married, for that matter this clause may prevent OM from ever seeing our kids until the divorces.

Don't make it easy for mom to indroduce her "new friend" to the kids.
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post #117 of 270 (permalink) Old 12-26-2011, 06:24 PM
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This is why he needs the shark lawyer - to keep as much from her as he can get.

I think the marriage contract should include a legal class in all states which says - If you cheat: You loose it all.
here here!! can't get that I agree dude on my mobile
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post #118 of 270 (permalink) Old 12-26-2011, 06:27 PM
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Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

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Originally Posted by EleGirl View Post
My now husband did something similar with his ex-wife. She was having an affair. When he found out about the affair. He gave her to option to end the affair right then and there or to leave. She left to go live with her boyfriend.

His two younger children were 8 and 10 at the time. He ended up with 100% physcal custody and 50/50 legal custody. So she had visitation.

Later when we married he move half way across the country to the state where I live. I basically became mom to my two step-children. The held their father responsible for their mother leaving. The anger they had for him led to horrible problems with the children.

Children see everything from their own perspective. In the end they usually do not care about the fights and problems thier parents have. They care about how this affects them. Yes my step children knew she was having an affair. But she was still their mother. They still love her. They still wanted to have her around... living in the same home with them.

They were angry at the harsh way their father treated their mother. As much as it might make sense in the adult world. In their world all they care about is that they want both of their parents.

Your kids might seem to be ok right now. It will take time for it to sink in. YOu would be best to make sure our wife and the children keep a strong relationship...for the sake of your children.
My buddy is going through the exact same thing. His WW left the home to live the single life in her apartment. The two younger ones 10 & 13. In no way do they blame their Dad, they KNOW its their mom's fault. The younger one is taking it particularly hard because he was mama's boy. He's pretty bitter about his mother abandoning him. On the two days a week that they spend over there, he basically has to cajole and talk his boys into having to stay at their mom's apartment. Oh, and those two days are all that she can stand to have them over. It wasn't until my buddy found out that she was letting them sleep on the floor while she slept in the bed, that she actually got around to getting a cot for the younger one and letting the older one sleep in bed with her. That's why he's getting full custody.

My contribution was introducing him to his shark lawyer of the Cordell and Cordell law firm. Google it.
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post #119 of 270 (permalink) Old 12-26-2011, 06:37 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

Now speak of the devil. Mama-in-law just called, and the wife is indeed at her beau's place.

He's some bigwig at a local hospital. Don't see him trying to take my bank account for a ride. Probably not a doper or a pervert either.

Mama-in-law says she's just sooo sorry for all the things that have happened lately and all the things she might have said, but I have to accept that it was never really the right match. Mama dear, I knew that last week. No harm, no foul, now let's all get on with living, why don't we?
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post #120 of 270 (permalink) Old 12-26-2011, 06:55 PM
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Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

here here.....carry on

One more thing, who would have thought a Penn State coach was a perv?
Just saying!!!!!!!!!!!!
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