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post #121 of 284 (permalink) Old 12-26-2011, 07:06 PM
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Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

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Originally Posted by Blindasabat View Post
court scares me If there was true justice cheaters would go to jail and get visitation only. but the courts are fff-d up and
still can add insult to injury and favor a cheating mom over a loyal dad that's so f-ing stupid!!! my saving grace may be she exposed my
daughter to two affairs.
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While I understand the BS wants revenge and punishment for the WS, jail time does not cut it. Should we go to stoning as well? At least 50% of people cheat… We already have 10% of our population in prisons. Now you want to put 50% in prison? Yikes!

Family court is not about justice. That's the issue. We do not criminalize adultery. There are other things that spouses do to each other that ought to be criminalized as well. Adultery, believe it or not, is not the only horrible thing that spouses do.

There are so many divorces these days. The last thing a judge wants to hear is couples all day long trashing each other in court. I've been in court and seen a judge tell spouses (usually women) whose husbands were abusive and adulterers that quite frankly they do not care to be involved in the middle of a couple’s arguments and fight. And to stop trying to prove infidelity, etc. Divorce is no fault and the court does not care who did what. The laws decide how things like income, assets, debts and custody are decided. End of story.

The fact is that in our society, women and men have the legal right to leave their spouse. Divorce and adultery are so common that the courts gave up on the old fault type of divorce a long time ago. They have become divorce factories with standard forms, standard ways of handing cases, etc.

Shoot, when my brother went to his interim support hearing in Sept, there were several other couples, their attorneys, one judge and one court mediator. The mediator took each couple’s financial statements, calculated support. The paper was handed to the judge and the judge signed it. If a couple and/or their attorneys felt they had a special circumstance they got less than 5 minutes of the judges time. Like I said, divorce factories.

I think that no fault divorce is wise as nasty divorces are not good for anyone. And even with adultery there can be extenuating circumstances that are hard to prove I court but still very real.

Sometimes it’s not so easy to tell who really contributed the most or who is really at fault in the demise of a marriage. So better just split the assets and debts, make custody arrangements and let both parties move on with their lives as quickly as possible. Using the court system to punish one’s cheating spouse does not help the BS at all. Remember that negative things.. anger, revenge, etc.. are like taking poison and expecting the other person to die.

There is no longer ownership of another human via marriage.


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post #122 of 284 (permalink) Old 12-26-2011, 07:14 PM
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Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

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Wow, someone really needed to set them staight on the choice their mother made: The boyfriend over them. what a piece of scum she was.
In my opinion the mother of my step-children is about as low a person as it can get. The kids have been told very clearly about their mother. They know what she did.

But the bottom line is that children love both parents. The entire time they were growing up in my house they were monstrous to me and their father. According to them the mother who seldom even called them was a saint. I think they did that subcouciously to save their own selves... what does it say about a child if their own mother throws them away after she raised them for 8/10 years? So in their minds they had to see her as better, much better. And they had to see their father and me as the mean people who took them away from their loving mother and her wonderful boyfriend.

Now that they are grown they have told me that I have done a 1000 times more for them then their mother has. They have both also told her off. My step daughter left and went to live with her mother for her junior year of high school. We told her she could not but she did. It ended up being a very good thing that she did... as the end of that year she told her mother off and returned to our home. She said that she came to realize who/what her mother is.

But keep in mind that their mother is also bi-polar. So she has real problems and has been in a mental ward twice, for a couple of weeks each for serious melt downs.

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post #123 of 284 (permalink) Old 12-26-2011, 07:17 PM
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Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

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This is why he needs the shark lawyer - to keep as much from her as he can get.

I think the marriage contract should include a legal class in all states which says - If you cheat: You loose it all.
All states used to have that kind of law. But the problem came to be that each spouse would come up with all kinds of evidence to 'prove' that the other one was cheating. With the number of divorces we have today the courts would be clogged to a stand-still with spouses trying to prove infidelity so they could get it all.

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post #124 of 284 (permalink) Old 12-26-2011, 07:21 PM
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Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

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My buddy is going through the exact same thing. His WW left the home to live the single life in her apartment. The two younger ones 10 & 13. In no way do they blame their Dad, they KNOW its their mom's fault. The younger one is taking it particularly hard because he was mama's boy. He's pretty bitter about his mother abandoning him. On the two days a week that they spend over there, he basically has to cajole and talk his boys into having to stay at their mom's apartment. Oh, and those two days are all that she can stand to have them over. It wasn't until my buddy found out that she was letting them sleep on the floor while she slept in the bed, that she actually got around to getting a cot for the younger one and letting the older one sleep in bed with her. That's why he's getting full custody.

My contribution was introducing him to his shark lawyer of the Cordell and Cordell law firm. Google it.
The issue about children is that the way they will react is unpredictable. It could go either way. Only time will tell

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post #125 of 284 (permalink) Old 12-26-2011, 07:21 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

Interesting take all of this, because my attorney says there will definitely be legal fisticuffs of some sort or another in my case, and infidelity will play a role.

If it's all a big no-fault-assembly-line, how can there be a mechanism to hear our conflict? Sure, the attorneys want to make money, but they can't build their own courtrooms and hire their own judges for people who want "the old fault type of divorce." Something's missing in this summary, I think.
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post #126 of 284 (permalink) Old 12-26-2011, 07:22 PM
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Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

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Originally Posted by lascarx View Post
Now speak of the devil. Mama-in-law just called, and the wife is indeed at her beau's place.

He's some bigwig at a local hospital. Don't see him trying to take my bank account for a ride. Probably not a doper or a pervert either.

Mama-in-law says she's just sooo sorry for all the things that have happened lately and all the things she might have said, but I have to accept that it was never really the right match. Mama dear, I knew that last week. No harm, no foul, now let's all get on with living, why don't we?
Ok, you win the bet... was just playing devil's advocate.

This is going to get 'interesting'.

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post #127 of 284 (permalink) Old 12-26-2011, 07:23 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

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In my opinion the mother of my step-children is about as low a person as it can get.
I know someone lower. Well, knew.

Well, thought I knew.
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post #128 of 284 (permalink) Old 12-26-2011, 07:26 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

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Ok, you win the bet... was just playing devil's advocate.

This is going to get 'interesting'.
Not at all. Lawyers will handle it, that's what they're there for.
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post #129 of 284 (permalink) Old 12-26-2011, 07:46 PM
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Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

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I know someone lower. Well, knew.

Well, thought I knew.
There is a lot about the mother of my step-children that I have not exposed here. Believe me there are few people on this earth as low as she. What your wife has done is child's play in comparison.

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post #130 of 284 (permalink) Old 12-26-2011, 07:48 PM
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Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

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Interesting take all of this, because my attorney says there will definitely be legal fisticuffs of some sort or another in my case, and infidelity will play a role.

....
You said that he was going to use exposure of infidelity... how and to whom would he be threatening to expose her infidelity? Seems that a lot of people already know.

If she is now going to be living with him I doubt they care who knows now.


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post #131 of 284 (permalink) Old 12-26-2011, 08:04 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

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You said that he was going to use exposure of infidelity... how and to whom would he be threatening to expose her infidelity? Seems that a lot of people already know.

If she is now going to be living with him I doubt they care who knows now.
Who knows, he might have just been blowing smoke to get my custom. We'll see when I talk to him tomorrow.

It's ironic because mama-in-law always thought the wife was marrying down, but the wife and I always used to laugh about it. First year we were married, after the in-laws left one night, I sang like Hank Williams for her:

"Mama, if you want your daughter
not to live in squalor,
Then you gotta find a son-in-law
who wears a nice white collar.

And don't forget it always pays
to keep that lass a virgin,
Because that's what it takes to snare
young financiers and surgeons."

But I guess that even if the apple tries to fall a little further from the tree, it ends up rolling back. It's a big relief that she finally showed her hand.
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post #132 of 284 (permalink) Old 12-26-2011, 09:33 PM
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Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

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Mama-in-law says she's just sooo sorry for all the things that have happened lately and all the things she might have said, but I have to accept that it was never really the right match. Mama dear, I knew that last week. No harm, no foul, now let's all get on with living, why don't we?
Like mother like daughter huh? pathetic!!

get rid off these people
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post #133 of 284 (permalink) Old 12-26-2011, 11:01 PM
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Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

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Originally Posted by lascarx View Post
Now speak of the devil. Mama-in-law just called, and the wife is indeed at her beau's place.

He's some bigwig at a local hospital. Don't see him trying to take my bank account for a ride. Probably not a doper or a pervert either.

Mama-in-law says she's just sooo sorry for all the things that have happened lately and all the things she might have said, but I have to accept that it was never really the right match. Mama dear, I knew that last week. No harm, no foul, now let's all get on with living, why don't we?
Actual POSOM might offer to bank roll a shark to go after you and get everything "she's entitled too"

So how did they meet up - perhaps you can exploit that connection force her to accept better divorce terms?
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post #134 of 284 (permalink) Old 12-27-2011, 02:23 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

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Actual POSOM might offer to bank roll a shark to go after you and get everything "she's entitled too"

So how did they meet up - perhaps you can exploit that connection force her to accept better divorce terms?
I'm not Rockefeller, there isn't much to get. Actually, it's worked out fine. Would rather have her with someone "respectable" than some biker who gets it in his head that I got stuff he could pawn for pills or a new carburetor.

Have no idea how they met up. But I'll talk to my attorney today and find out if it's relevant, good idea.
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post #135 of 284 (permalink) Old 12-27-2011, 03:48 AM
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Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

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I'm not Rockefeller, there isn't much to get. Actually, it's worked out fine. Would rather have her with someone "respectable" than some biker who gets it in his head that I got stuff he could pawn for pills or a new carburetor.

Have no idea how they met up. But I'll talk to my attorney today and find out if it's relevant, good idea.
It's not money that I'd be worried about.

Think about it. After D-Day, your wife tried hard to convince you to work it out. We know now she wasn't staying with you for the money. I can only think of 3 possible reasons why she was so desperate to keep you.

1. She weighed up the OM and yourself, and decided (too late) that she loved you more.
2. Shame
3. She didn't want to break up her family and lose her kids.

The legal system doesn't favor men in custody arrangements. You closed the door hard on any reconciliation, so she gains nothing from playing nice. If OM hires a shark, I can see you getting screwed over.

It's tempting to place your trust blindly with your lawyers, but do a bit of research yourself. Dadsdivorce.com may be a good place to start.

And stop burying your head in the sand when it comes to the OM. If you're up to it, have a look through those e-mails you forwarded to yourself. You're doing yourself no favors by remaining ignorant, especially if it turns out that there is something that can help you in the divorce.

Last edited by Sindo; 12-27-2011 at 03:55 AM.
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