Getting it from all sides - angry - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 284 (permalink) Old 12-24-2011, 05:49 PM Thread Starter
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Getting it from all sides - angry

I just found out my wife has been having a sexual affair for more than a year. We've been married for 8 years, have 2 kids, and I thought we had a great marriage. We were good friends, had a lot of shared experiences and I thought we were really close.

She tells me that she still loves me and wants to go to counseling, but I feel conned and BSed and want out, no deposit, no return. I'm moving out after Christmas and plan to file for divorce after New Years. If she doesn't want the kids, they can live full-time with me, I can figure out how to make it work.

She has now put on this I'm-so-sorry-and-depressed act and both her family and my family are starting to hi-pressure me to try for reconciliation. I can't imagine ever wanting to be near her again, let alone sleep with her. I think if the other guy floats her boat she should go take up with him and be happy, and if she was willing to do it with him for this long, why isn't she doing what comes natural? (Must be the money, I guess.)

I don't know much about him, but I know he's not with anyone else, so it shouldn't be a problem from that end. I have no problem if love blooms eternal for them, it's time for me to start over and find something real of my own, I'm only going to live once.

I mean, let's face it, she's been screwing this other guy and hiding it from me for over a year. That's one month of lying for every year we've been married. Is there anything I'm missing here? I used to think that I was close to my family but with this latest, I'm also thinking of telling them to kiss my behind and adopt her if they think she's so great.

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post #2 of 284 (permalink) Old 12-24-2011, 05:57 PM
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Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

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Originally Posted by lascarx View Post
Is there anything I'm missing here?
Nope. That about sums it up. Still, after you file, don't automatically discount any doubts you may have about leaving her for good. You are still raw with hurting. The process can be stopped, but maybe she needs to see that you are serious with filing.

I'm sorry that this has happened. Really bad timing, too. So sorry.
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post #3 of 284 (permalink) Old 12-24-2011, 06:01 PM
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Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

Go ahead and file for the divorce. If you decide for R , you can always change it later.

How bad was the deception?
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post #4 of 284 (permalink) Old 12-24-2011, 06:03 PM
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Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

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Originally Posted by lascarx View Post
Is there anything I'm missing here?

Nope, I think you have it covered.

Just don`t hate yourself if you find your mind changing during the process.

We`re only human.
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post #5 of 284 (permalink) Old 12-24-2011, 06:04 PM
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Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

Go take a look below the signature here.

Read up on the "The 180 degree rule". This is for your benefit only -- to strengthen you emotionally so you can survival this with some dignity.

Also read "Just let them go".

Start to secure yourself financially and legally. For eg, no joint bank accounts, credit cards, debts, etc. Protect your assets.

Change your will.

Get yourself tested for a full panel of STDs, Hepatitis, etc.

Secure/hide your evidence.

Consult a lawyer?

Last edited by aug; 12-24-2011 at 06:17 PM.
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post #6 of 284 (permalink) Old 12-24-2011, 06:26 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

Thanks for the support everyone. It's amazing how often you find that strangers are willing to stick up for you even when your own family starts stabbing you in the back.

My dad was just here and I finally had to kick him out of the house because his weak sermonizing was making me nauseous. I'll send him a link to this forum and he can read what people with guts have to say.

I have a good attorney and he says I can get out of this cheap as long as I have proof. Which I do.

Thanks again and Merry Christmas to everyone.
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post #7 of 284 (permalink) Old 12-24-2011, 07:17 PM
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Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

Lascarx,

Do you have children with our wife?

One thing you will find if you stick around here is that the posters are a mixed bag... some here have been cheated on and divorced their spouses because of it. Some have been cheated on and recovered their marriages. And some are the ones who cheated. So folks are coming from all different angles.

One thing I think all of us probably agree upon is that it's your choice what you want to do.

If you give your wife a chance and rebuild your marriage... it can happen and your marriage can be good even after an affair. Recovery is a long, painful process but can be rewarding.

If you want to just end it and move on, that's a valid response as well.

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post #8 of 284 (permalink) Old 12-24-2011, 07:19 PM
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Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

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Originally Posted by lascarx View Post
Thanks for the support everyone. It's amazing how often you find that strangers are willing to stick up for you even when your own family starts stabbing you in the back.

My dad was just here and I finally had to kick him out of the house because his weak sermonizing was making me nauseous. I'll send him a link to this forum and he can read what people with guts have to say.

I have a good attorney and he says I can get out of this cheap as long as I have proof. Which I do.

Thanks again and Merry Christmas to everyone.
Most states are no fault for divorce now. I doubt the evidence will do you any good.

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post #9 of 284 (permalink) Old 12-24-2011, 07:21 PM
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Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

This is truly bad. How did you find out? Its odd that she is already saying she wants to work it out.

Take a little time before you make any life changing decisions. Seperate accts etc and protect yourself. Good luck, next Christmas will be better than this on for sure.


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post #10 of 284 (permalink) Old 12-24-2011, 07:25 PM
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Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

How did you find out? Is she sorry she made such a horrible mistake, or just sorry she got caught? Take your time and make your own decision.... you are the one that has to live your life.

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post #11 of 284 (permalink) Old 12-24-2011, 07:35 PM
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Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

Start the 180. NOW. It is about protecting you and your own.

Sorry your here. Read , read
It all looks counter intuitive. Do It.

Oh.. and merry bloody Christmas.
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post #12 of 284 (permalink) Old 12-24-2011, 07:38 PM
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Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

Man, you have a great healthy attitude. Good luck on "all" fronts.
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post #13 of 284 (permalink) Old 12-24-2011, 09:17 PM
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Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

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Originally Posted by lascarx View Post
I just found out my wife has been having a sexual affair for more than a year. We've been married for 8 years, have 2 kids, and I thought we had a great marriage. We were good friends, had a lot of shared experiences and I thought we were really close.

She tells me that she still loves me and wants to go to counseling, but I feel conned and BSed and want out, no deposit, no return. I'm moving out after Christmas and plan to file for divorce after New Years. If she doesn't want the kids, they can live full-time with me, I can figure out how to make it work.

She has now put on this I'm-so-sorry-and-depressed act and both her family and my family are starting to hi-pressure me to try for reconciliation. I can't imagine ever wanting to be near her again, let alone sleep with her. I think if the other guy floats her boat she should go take up with him and be happy, and if she was willing to do it with him for this long, why isn't she doing what comes natural? (Must be the money, I guess.)

I don't know much about him, but I know he's not with anyone else, so it shouldn't be a problem from that end. I have no problem if love blooms eternal for them, it's time for me to start over and find something real of my own, I'm only going to live once.

I mean, let's face it, she's been screwing this other guy and hiding it from me for over a year. That's one month of lying for every year we've been married. Is there anything I'm missing here? I used to think that I was close to my family but with this latest, I'm also thinking of telling them to kiss my behind and adopt her if they think she's so great.
Money is probably the answer. For the last year she had her fun at your expense. Now she is scared that the OM can't support her like you can.

BTW, how did you find out about it? What did she have to say when you confronted? Just curious.

If this is the deal breaker for you, then tell your family that you cannot live with a lying, cheating, low life person that does not respect you and your children. The option you mentioned above works too.

Why are you moving out? Shouldn't she pack her bags and go to the OM? After all that's what she has done for the past year behind your back. He's been getting all the benefits, is it not about time for him to take on the expense as well?
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post #14 of 284 (permalink) Old 12-24-2011, 09:35 PM
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Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

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Money is probably the answer. For the last year she had her fun at your expense. Now she is scared that the OM can't support her like you can.

BTW, how did you find out about it? What did she have to say when you confronted? Just curious.

If this is the deal breaker for you, then tell your family that you cannot live with a lying, cheating, low life person that does not respect you and your children. The option you mentioned above works too.

Why are you moving out? Shouldn't she pack her bags and go to the OM? After all that's what she has done for the past year behind your back. He's been getting all the benefits, is it not about time for him to take on the expense as well?
She's the one that should be getting out of Dodge, not you.


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post #15 of 284 (permalink) Old 12-24-2011, 10:38 PM
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Re: Getting it from all sides - angry

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Is there anything I'm missing here? I used to think that I was close to my family but with this latest, I'm also thinking of telling them to kiss my behind and adopt her if they think she's so great.
Yes, the one thing you are missing is that she should leave and move out - not you.

you didn't cheat - she did - so she looses her safe nice home.
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