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Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 12-26-2011, 06:38 PM   #76 (permalink)
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Default Re: My story. In sort of short form.

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We are going to see some friends together for the first time since d-day 2. We have mostly just spent time with immidiate family. We have kinda been anti-social because neither one of us want to answer all the questions I'm sure we're gonna get. Gotta get back into things sooner or later though. This couple never really took
sides so it should be ok. Will be tuff when we start seeing some of the friends that did take sides.
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If they ask a simple " I really don't want to talk about that" is in order.
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Old 12-26-2011, 06:58 PM   #77 (permalink)
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Default Re: My story. In sort of short form.

Give it more time before socializing and your actions will speak for them selves when they see the two of you working it out.
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Old 12-26-2011, 07:49 PM   #78 (permalink)
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Default Re: My story. In sort of short form.

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Forgot the most part i had completely shut my friends out of my life since day one of the affair. My best friend who has seen me through ups & down since grade school didn't even know. When I finally told her after d-day 1, she went from furious, almost punching a hole in the wall to sobbing tears cuz she she said she was so disappointed in me. She said she didn't know who I was cuz I wasn't the same one who she stood next as our vows were said. Only 1 friend of mine has be negative on dinger for a long time so I have cut her out. I am worried how his friends will act to me because on has already cold shrugged me. I said hello in the grocery store & he starred right thru me and walked away. I am prepared for some choice words the next time the guys get together.
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It will be hard for dinger's friends who saw the pain he went through to accept that you are back with him. Just like your friend reacted, his friends will react in different ways also. Most will not believe he is giving you a second chance after what has happened. Most of his friends are going to treat you with coldness at first. His true friends will accept his decision. They will come around in time.

But, from what I have seen in your husband's post's, he is a man of high character and stability who loves you very much. If a "friend" cannot support his decisions, I have no doubt he will not regard them as "friends" and will no longer associate with them.

You are a very lucky woman - don't blow it.
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Old 12-26-2011, 09:08 PM   #79 (permalink)
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It will be hard for dinger's friends who saw the pain he went through to accept that you are back with him. Just like your friend reacted, his friends will react in different ways also. Most will not believe he is giving you a second chance after what has happened. Most of his friends are going to treat you with coldness at first. His true friends will accept his decision. They will come around in time.

But, from what I have seen in your husband's post's, he is a man of high character and stability who loves you very much. If a "friend" cannot support his decisions, I have no doubt he will not regard them as "friends" and will no longer associate with them.

You are a very lucky woman - don't blow it.
This is exactly how I feel. Many different relatives and friends expressed many different emotions and opinions on our "situation". In the end it is my life and my decision. I can't make anybody forgive Allybabe or like her but if they are my friends they will show her respect. I'm sure every guy has friends or relatives that he doesn't like Thier wife. But you don't show it if you want to be the husbands friend. You just smile and be polite. That's the minimum I expect from my friends.
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Old 12-28-2011, 06:03 PM   #80 (permalink)
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Going through Allybabes phone yesterday and looking at pictures. There are lots of pics on there that I have seen but there ate some self shots that weren't sent to me and I know they were for him. As I have the phone I start asking her what photos were sent to him so I could delete them. They are innocent enough pics but to me there dirty. Find 2 self pics with my children. One with Allybabe and my 5 yr old girl and one with Allybabe and my 3yr old boy. She never sent them to me. I asked and she said she sent them to the other man when she was moved out of our home at the end of the PA. The dates on the pics support this. We talked about it when I found the pictures and I thought I was done with it. Untill this afternoon. Allybabe is at work and I'm off untill the new year and at home with the kids. It's eating me up. She posed and took pictures of herself and my kids to send to the OM. As if it's wasn't bad enough sending pics of herself but my babies to. To me it's like saying "here you can have me and my kids"! Blows me away the things she could justify when she was in the fog. Now the OM is out there somewhere, pissed off because he got dumped walking around with pictures of my family on his phone.

Sorry I didn't talk to you before I posted this Allybabe but we said we would be honest on TAM.
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Old 12-28-2011, 06:11 PM   #81 (permalink)
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Default Re: My story. In sort of short form.

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Going through Allybabes phone yesterday and looking at pictures. There are lots of pics on there that I have seen but there ate some self shots that weren't sent to me and I know they were for him. As I have the phone I start asking her what photos were sent to him so I could delete them. They are innocent enough pics but to me there dirty. Find 2 self pics with my children. One with Allybabe and my 5 yr old girl and one with Allybabe and my 3yr old boy. She never sent them to me. I asked and she said she sent them to the other man when she was moved out of our home at the end of the PA. The dates on the pics support this. We talked about it when I found the pictures and I thought I was done with it. Untill this afternoon. Allybabe is at work and I'm off untill the new year and at home with the kids. It's eating me up. She posed and took pictures of herself and my kids to send to the OM. As if it's wasn't bad enough sending pics of herself but my babies to. To me it's like saying "here you can have me and my kids"! Blows me away the things she could justify when she was in the fog. Now the OM is out there somewhere, pissed off because he got dumped walking around with pictures of my family on his phone.

Sorry I didn't talk to you before I posted this Allybabe but we said we would be honest on TAM.
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No disrespect intended for you.

But i think it would be wise to stay out of your Wife´s thread.
That way she has her own outlet.
Again no offence.
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Old 12-28-2011, 07:23 PM   #82 (permalink)
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Default Re: My story. In sort of short form.

I can understand where he is coming from with this but I am not sure how to proceed with it. Should I delete every picture from that time and start fresh? I have offered to scrub them and when asked which I sent I was honest and up front. So I guess i am wondering what other BS would want in this situation?

As for the OM walking around with pics of myself and 2 pics of our children in his phone, I am very confident that they are long deleted if not by him, then by his BW. I have no way to guarentee that so I dont know what to say or do to make Dinger feel better other than deleting anything during that time. Including the ones I sent to Dinger and others in my family. Block that entire time out cuz he says the entire EA/PA has tainted every memory in the last 10 months.
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Old 12-28-2011, 07:30 PM   #83 (permalink)
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Default Re: My story. In sort of short form.

Might be time to either start a notebook/journal Dinger. Write your questions there for Allybabe to answer within a day then discuss. Then again you might just need to determine where you draw the line on what you need to know as opposed to what you want to know and then see if it's worth the need or want or if it even matters toward your recovery.

Good luck to you both and keep the lines of open & honest communication with each other. Let nothing linger overnight.
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Old 12-28-2011, 07:37 PM   #84 (permalink)
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No disrespect intended for you.

But i think it would be wise to stay out of your Wife´s thread.
That way she has her own outlet.
Again no offence.
Point taken and undersrood
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Old 12-28-2011, 07:42 PM   #85 (permalink)
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Might be time to either start a notebook/journal Dinger. Write your questions there for Allybabe to answer within a day then discuss. Then again you might just need to determine where you draw the line on what you need to know as opposed to what you want to know and then see if it's worth the need or want or if it even matters toward your recovery.

Good luck to you both and keep the lines of open & honest communication with each other. Let nothing linger overnight.
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I do try and save the discussion untill our evening chats. She is good about asking me how I'm feeling and if there is anything i want to talk about. I think I've learned to save my questions for this time. We have both said if we feel the need to vent before our talks then TAM is a good place to do it I'd the other spouse is at work. We both need to focus on our jobs when we're at work. We haven't been very productive lately for obvious reasons and our employers have been patient but we have to minimize distractions at work.
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Old 12-28-2011, 07:46 PM   #86 (permalink)
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Default Re: My story. In sort of short form.

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Point taken and undersrood
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Does she mind if you post here? If not I don't see a problem. It also keeps hers and your questions in one place so they are answered easier.
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Old 12-28-2011, 07:49 PM   #87 (permalink)
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Default Re: My story. In sort of short form.

No she does not mind. That's my thinking to. All the info is in one place.
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Old 12-28-2011, 07:53 PM   #88 (permalink)
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Default Re: My story. In sort of short form.

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Does she mind if you post here? If not I don't see a problem. It also keeps hers and your questions in one place so they are answered easier.
The point is

That both ,Ally and Dinger can ask us all
questions with out interference from each other .

the can ask and respond to all questions they might have
among them self´s .The dont need any of us for that.

The importent thing is here is that Ally,can ask and receive
impartial advice. And thus not have the impression that TAM

is "Tayloring" responses to benefit Dinger.
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Old 12-28-2011, 08:03 PM   #89 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Jonesey View Post
The point is

That both ,Ally and Dinger can ask us all
questions with out interference from each other .

the can ask and respond to all questions they might have
among them self´s .The dont need any of us for that.

The importent thing is here is that Ally,can ask and receive
impartial advice. And thus not have the impression that TAM

is "Tayloring" responses to benefit Dinger.

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Old 12-28-2011, 08:06 PM   #90 (permalink)
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Default Re: My story. In sort of short form.

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Originally Posted by Jonesey View Post
The point is

That both ,Ally and Dinger can ask us all
questions with out interference from each other .

the can ask and respond to all questions they might have
among them self´s .The don't need any of us for that.

The important thing is here is that Ally,can ask and receive
impartial advice. And thus not have the impression that TAM

is "Tailoring" responses to benefit Dinger.
As far as impartial goes.... Most of the posters in this thread have been through something similar so like it or not the sympathy is going to swing to the LS more times then not. Just the way it is here. Dinger, you have a thread don't you?
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