My story. In sort of short form.
I am new to this site but my husband suggested I come check it out as I am struggling with allot of guilt, anxiety & panic attacks. He has found allot of help here.*
I had an affair. The OM was my previous boss, still working for the same company just in diff locations. I'm not even sure how it started because now after the fact ppl have pointed out things he was doing that I mistook for just regular kindness. I was very unhappy in my marriage & it had for the most part hit rock bottom. A husband who just wasnt there for me in so many ways.The other man knew I was upset on more than one occasion, he wud say all the right things & started to give ideas how to get out of my marriage, he had been divorced after his wife of 22yrs left him for another man. Venting texts, work frustration Phn calls became more frequent and then we had to travel for work, my LH had a major melt down when I was gone & the OM is where I found comfort. *It just snowballed from there. I tried to end it w my LH before he found anything out, as did the OM. His common-law wife intercepted some emails, confronted him & he told her he wanted out. The OM & I had plan an evening away, that was the night it went from EA to a PA. *The next day, the OM dumped me. He said he needed to stay w her cuz he Cudnt be alone & knew I was not relocating for some time. I was crushed, I put my tail between my legs & went back to my LH. He found out of the affair within days & the $hit hit the fan. My LH took me back, forgive & forget.*
BUT the OM still contacted me, came to see me "to explain" y he had dumped me, told me he had made a mistake & still loved me. I didn't know what to do or think so I continued to fake my way thru my marriage & had random contact w OM. He then told me he was marrying his CLW. I was crushed all over again. But within a couple wks of putting his ring on he was back to texting me that he had it all wrong. Then he said he was going to leave her cuz he Cudnt live without me. And the texts, calls, emails all became more frequent. I refused to see him until I was sure he was done w her. Then she phoned my LH. He told me to get out. I packed my bags, upset but being encouraged by the OM that we wud get thru it & be together. I was really struggling, on the cusp of losing my kids, my entire family was coming down hard on me (understandably cuz what was doing was stupid). My LH was furious but I knew he loved me more than anything and I started seeing him different. He had been responsible for 50% of the 1st round but he had done nothing but work his hardest to make us better. I found myself not wanting to hear the OM's negativity about what my LH Cudnt do for me that he could. I felt torn between but my LH really did love me & i started loving him like i had for over 12years. I chose to cut off all contact with & make my life right. The OM was shocked, very angry & persistent in trying to change my mind. I wrote a NC letter, spoke to my boss & co-workers saying I cud have NC w him or anyone from his office. So now my life is an open book w my LH and I am honestly going to do anything & everything I can to show my husband I love him, what I did was wrong and that *we can grow through this.*
I know our marriage will ever be the same but I am committed to make it something better than it ever could have been, us knowing where it broke down in the 1st place.*So now with NC, me doing anything & everything each day to show my husband I do love him & I am never going to hurt him as I have up until now.
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