Did my wife cheat on me? Need help. - Page 4 - Talk About Marriage
Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

User Tag List

 181Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #46 of 103 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 06:10 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 63
Re: Did my wife cheat on me? Need help.

Fredericks, toys, waxed and you haven't seen or been any part of this...red flags plus the little guy on my shoulder is trying to task my head off.

Sorry dude...seems obvious ... (to me a least)

ZedZ is online now  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #47 of 103 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 06:50 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 92
Re: Did my wife cheat on me? Need help.

Like i said before if you know someone at your wife's office whom you think is receptive to problems like these, he or she can make an effective search. Even if you know them barely some people have strong opinions against adultary

Last edited by curious234; 03-05-2017 at 06:59 PM.
curious234 is offline  
post #48 of 103 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 07:23 PM
Forum Supporter
 
arbitrator's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Central Texas/Brazos Valley
Posts: 11,510
Cool Re: Did my wife cheat on me? Need help.

Your "gut instincts" are worth more than the proverbial pots of gold found at the ends of the rainbow!

Do "the 180" and hire yourself a PI and then start a dialogue with a good "piranha" family lawyer, and get fully advised of both your property and parental rights!

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

My Story! http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-t...andonment.html
arbitrator is online now  
 
post #49 of 103 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 07:36 PM
Forum Supporter
 
Satya's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 2,582
Re: Did my wife cheat on me? Need help.

Make sure the polygraph questions are gender-neutral.

She may have denied and offered up herself for polygraph because she knows you're assuming she's cheating with a man.

There have been plenty of betrayed men here who lost their wives to another woman.

"If you deliberately plan on being less than you are capable of being, then I warn you that you'll be unhappy for the rest of your life."

~ Abraham Maslow
Satya is offline  
post #50 of 103 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 06:16 AM
Member
 
Chaparral's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 11,504
Re: Did my wife cheat on me? Need help.

You should still get a pen var from amazon or brickhouse security and hide in the bottom of her purse.

Are you a stay at home dad? What do you do?


What you describe sounds like an affair or sexting.

Did you originally cut her off or vice versa? In other words how did you end up in a sexless marriage in the first place? After she started being hyper sexual, you ended up
Cutting her off?
Chaparral is offline  
post #51 of 103 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 08:10 AM
Member
 
Taxman's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: The Frozen North
Posts: 320
Re: Did my wife cheat on me? Need help.

Given your original post, do not back down on the polygraph. Unless everyone here has suddenly had a radar malfunction, there may be more than you know at this point. Be prepared for a parking lot confession. Schedule the poly and watch her reactions, ensure that the tester is someone that you have selected. Do this sooner rather than later. Keep an eye on her internet searches, looking for ways to beat a poly.
Taxman is offline  
post #52 of 103 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 08:23 AM
Member
 
bandit.45's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 17,419
Re: Did my wife cheat on me? Need help.

Goldfinger just know that there is nothing at all unique or special about your wife. She shows all the traits of a wayward ducking and dodging and running from the truth. It is not unheard of for a wayward to offer their spouse a lie detector test to see if that will get them to back off. You don't know, you might have well thrown her for a loop by telling her you wanted her to submit to one. Now just sit back and watch her.

Don't talk with her so much about it. Ice her out, be cool and distant, and just watch what she does. Be Spock.
bandit.45 is offline  
post #53 of 103 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 08:25 AM
Member
 
bandit.45's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 17,419
Re: Did my wife cheat on me? Need help.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chaparral View Post
You should still get a pen var from amazon or brickhouse security and hide in the bottom of her purse.

Are you a stay at home dad? What do you do?


What you describe sounds like an affair or sexting.

Did you originally cut her off or vice versa? In other words how did you end up in a sexless marriage in the first place? After she started being hyper sexual, you ended up
Cutting her off?
Way too dangerous. Women live in their purses and they know EXACTLY what they have in them. If she sees some strange pen that she knows she did not put in there she's going to look at it close and the jig will be up.

A VAR under her car seat is the best and most infallible method.
bandit.45 is offline  
post #54 of 103 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 11:29 AM
Forum Supporter
 
CynthiaDe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 4,548
Re: Did my wife cheat on me? Need help.

Quote:
Originally Posted by bandit.45 View Post
Way too dangerous. Women live in their purses and they know EXACTLY what they have in them. If she sees some strange pen that she knows she did not put in there she's going to look at it close and the jig will be up.

A VAR under her car seat is the best and most infallible method.

I would know if someone put a VAR pen in my purse and I'm sure 99% of all women would.

For more on my marriage philosophies check out the marriage section of my website:
The Feminine Review

Standard Evidence Thread: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-...ence-post.html
CynthiaDe is online now  
post #55 of 103 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 12:42 PM
Forum Supporter
 
SunCMars's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: North Coast Nationalist-burg, U.S.A.
Posts: 2,584
Re: Did my wife cheat on me? Need help.

Quote:
Originally Posted by stillthinking View Post
You told her there will be no talk about moving forward until the poly is done. But women need to talk. Its how they process their thoughts. So she is going to need to talk to someone. You need to know what she is saying, and to whom.

This @stillthinking guy is still thinking with his head.

You want to win a women over?

Here's the hows:

Sing to her. Women love music and musicians. They will open every thing they own to a Crooner.

Talk to her. Women love it when a man sings her praise in words. Tells her how beautiful she is, how smart she is. how good she is.....in the sack...in the kitchen....at work.

Women hear other voices a lot better then a man. She can hear things about what is valuable, what fashions are in style. Most commercials are aimed at the women audience. Why?
They listen....and they believe. They are groupies. Follow the groupies.

They learn "what to like" from others. Others, making "their" case.

When a women goes deaf.....she dies. She spirals into the ground and is neutered.

Now men are different. If you poke their eyes out.......... they will be blind, Oh Yeah, .....soon to be bland. A man without sight cannot harden to a world he cannot see. He cowers in permanent darkness.

Poor blind guy cannot harden to a naked women standing two feet in front of him. She had better douse herself in Cologne. And she better not be a cross dresser.

Now that I have pissed on everyone's Wheaties, I will crawl back under my rock!


This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out.

The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall... Saved from harm by my friends.
SunCMars is online now  
post #56 of 103 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 12:59 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 180
Re: Did my wife cheat on me? Need help.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Goldfinger View Post
Thanks for the reply. I will definitely choose the examiner and talk to him specifically before the test. If she fails, then she's gone. Period. I'm not too worried about a lawyer right now since I have a prenump. I'm more concerned about keeping a marriage with the woman I love and mother of our two children IF it turns out she did some really dumb unfortunate things that looked really bad.

The reason for the lack of intimacy that she claims is because she has current self esteem issues and thought I had little interest in her. That's the reason she claims she bought the lingerie and why she was aggressively sexual for a brief time. I am honestly guilty of not reciprocating after that period because that is when my suspicions started. She in turn claims that lack of reciprocating lead her to think I didn't want her so she shut down just as I shut down. Wearing the lingerie to work was supposedly some fantasy she conjured up about how she would come home from work and then seduce me right there but that didn't happen due to my mood, kids, etc. Convenient, I know.

Still she reacted shocked by my statements and claims she would never be so selfish and ruin our family. The polygraph will hopefully bring closure one way or the other.
The "I didn't think you were still interested in me" is a classic cheater's line. It's gaslighting 101. Re" her "fantasy"...I really, really don't think so.
moth-into-flame is offline  
post #57 of 103 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 01:05 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 180
Re: Did my wife cheat on me? Need help.

The polygraph - very possibly a "what do I have to lose?" strategy. If she admits to an affair, she's busted. At least with a polygraph she has a chance. She's probably thinking "I can beat it", and if not, well, what more does she have to lose by taking it?

Interested to hear if/how the poly goes down. Don't cop out on it.

Also, listen to your gut. It's powerful. I didn't, and my ex wife was cheating on me. Subconsciously I knew it, but denial is a powerful thing.
moth-into-flame is offline  
post #58 of 103 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 02:01 PM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: North Eastern USA
Posts: 11
Re: Did my wife cheat on me? Need help.

Thanks again for everyone's help and guidance. Although I must admit, none of it is making me feel any better. I talked to the polygraph examiner today and my wife will be taking the test this Wednesday.

I went through her entire Facebook account last night and found nothing that would indicate anything. I even downloaded a copy of her Facebook data which I read will show all messages and photos even if they are hidden. Again, nothing bad. I went through her email account, phone texts, call logs, deleted voicemails, I tracked her favorite locations on her phone, etc. and still nothing that would indicate cheating in the slightest. Of course, there is always the chance of accounts I don't know about.

As far as the timeline for a sexless marriage, it started after we had our 2nd child. It didn't stop but slowed down and I contributed it to we both were working hard and now had the added stress of raising two small children. I think this is actually pretty normal. So, as the sex slowed down, I didn't pursue my wife as much because I took it as a sign that she wasn't ready to go back to our "old ways". Maybe that's where I erred and she took it as a sign I was not interested in her. Anyways, after a little while she became hyper sexual and that is when I noticed the Frederick's purchases, etc. As I said, she wasn't showing me these purchases except one or two of them and my suspicions grew. That's when I found the rest and noticed that she wore some to work. That revelation was a punch to the gut and from there I distanced myself. I'm not the type of man who will actively seek sex with someone who might be betraying me. After the hyper sexual period, it slowed down and then stopped and that is where I am today.

As bad as the evidence is, I have rationalized that it is possible she is faithful. However, I have not told her that and have been pretty cold around her. My lack of pursuit after our second child might have made her feel insecure. To try and counter that she buys sexy new things to improve our relationship. She becomes sexually aggressive hoping it will start the spark again, but then gets more insecure when I don't follow up and shut down because I find the other lingerie (which she doesn't know I found). It might be reaching, but it can't be ruled out either. That is why I can't wait for the polygraph which she still says she wants to take ASAP. I will speak to the examiner again and make sure we go over all the good points and wordings brought up here.

I am hoping against hope the results are good and she is telling the truth. I really truly love this woman and want to be with her until I'm old and grey. If she cheated, then that can't happen. I have too much pride to be with someone who thinks so little of me. Especially someone I love and will always love. I'm holding out hope that she is telling the truth and my children will have a mother and father raising them together. Although that mother and father will need to do a lot of work for that to happen.
Goldfinger is offline  
post #59 of 103 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 02:10 PM
Forum Supporter
 
TX-SC's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,610
Re: Did my wife cheat on me? Need help.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Goldfinger View Post
Thanks again for everyone's help and guidance. Although I must admit, none of it is making me feel any better. I talked to the polygraph examiner today and my wife will be taking the test this Wednesday.

I went through her entire Facebook account last night and found nothing that would indicate anything. I even downloaded a copy of her Facebook data which I read will show all messages and photos even if they are hidden. Again, nothing bad. I went through her email account, phone texts, call logs, deleted voicemails, I tracked her favorite locations on her phone, etc. and still nothing that would indicate cheating in the slightest. Of course, there is always the chance of accounts I don't know about.

As far as the timeline for a sexless marriage, it started after we had our 2nd child. It didn't stop but slowed down and I contributed it to we both were working hard and now had the added stress of raising two small children. I think this is actually pretty normal. So, as the sex slowed down, I didn't pursue my wife as much because I took it as a sign that she wasn't ready to go back to our "old ways". Maybe that's where I erred and she took it as a sign I was not interested in her. Anyways, after a little while she became hyper sexual and that is when I noticed the Frederick's purchases, etc. As I said, she wasn't showing me these purchases except one or two of them and my suspicions grew. That's when I found the rest and noticed that she wore some to work. That revelation was a punch to the gut and from there I distanced myself. I'm not the type of man who will actively seek sex with someone who might be betraying me. After the hyper sexual period, it slowed down and then stopped and that is where I am today.

As bad as the evidence is, I have rationalized that it is possible she is faithful. However, I have not told her that and have been pretty cold around her. My lack of pursuit after our second child might have made her feel insecure. To try and counter that she buys sexy new things to improve our relationship. She becomes sexually aggressive hoping it will start the spark again, but then gets more insecure when I don't follow up and shut down because I find the other lingerie (which she doesn't know I found). It might be reaching, but it can't be ruled out either. That is why I can't wait for the polygraph which she still says she wants to take ASAP. I will speak to the examiner again and make sure we go over all the good points and wordings brought up here.

I am hoping against hope the results are good and she is telling the truth. I really truly love this woman and want to be with her until I'm old and grey. If she cheated, then that can't happen. I have too much pride to be with someone who thinks so little of me. Especially someone I love and will always love. I'm holding out hope that she is telling the truth and my children will have a mother and father raising them together. Although that mother and father will need to do a lot of work for that to happen.
Have you discussed your feelings with her (aside from accusations)? Have you told her how much you love her and desire her? Perhaps, if no infidelity is found, you should consider talking more, spending more time as a family, telling and showing her how much you love and desire her. MC might be in order as well.

If no infidelity is found, use this as a wakeup call to fix what is broken.

Sent from my LG-US996 using Tapatalk

"You are talking about the nonsensical ravings of a lunatic mind!" Victor Von Frankenstein
TX-SC is online now  
post #60 of 103 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 02:15 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 422
Re: Did my wife cheat on me? Need help.

I could never be comfortable one way or the other with just the results of a polygraph. I would not bet my family on it, that's for sure. There's a reason they aren't admissible in court.

You should have kept your mouth shut and eyes open. She's now been tipped off that you are watching, and actual evidence will be that much harder to get or dig up.
OnTheRocks is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Can I split my wife from her lover with a bribe? Consider Considering Divorce or Separation 22 02-16-2017 10:33 AM
Wife said she is disappointed with our lives Janetandjohn General Relationship Discussion 74 02-01-2017 06:14 PM
I Filed and wife is confusing me badbane Going Through Divorce or Separation 8 11-26-2016 04:26 AM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome