Did my wife cheat on me? Need help. - Page 5 - Talk About Marriage
Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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post #61 of 103 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 02:22 PM
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Re: Did my wife cheat on me? Need help.

I think it's a tough one but the poly test is a good sign atleast. Her story isn't so weird.

I mean I buy stuff for myself that makes me feel good that nobody sees. I have those Under Armor compression shirts that I think that I actually look good in, but I don't normally break them out in general use mostly because I don't actually have a wonderful reason to do so.


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post #62 of 103 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 02:23 PM
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Re: Did my wife cheat on me? Need help.

Shoulda, woulda, coulda.

What matters is that he listens to us and does it right from now on.
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post #63 of 103 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 02:32 PM
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Re: Did my wife cheat on me? Need help.

Don't forget to ask if she ever sext or sent pics/videos of her to others in the poly. She might not consider that cheating, but it might be to you.
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post #64 of 103 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 05:44 PM
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Re: Did my wife cheat on me? Need help.

If she gives you some form of confession before the poly, don't cancel the poly.
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post #65 of 103 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 07:22 PM
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Re: Did my wife cheat on me? Need help.

If she's being totally transparent, and doing and saying the right things, then you should keep a bit of an open mind. Women, it seems, don't take rejection very well. Many women on TAM have said this before. So I guess it is plausible, if you rejected her, that she would shut down.it doesn't make you wrong. But many women would behave this way.


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post #66 of 103 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 11:09 PM
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Re: Did my wife cheat on me? Need help.

Loads of red flags and an ill-advised soft confront.

OP, it sounds like you have access to your wife's cell phone. Have you attempted to run data recovery software against it?

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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post #67 of 103 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 07:02 AM
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Re: Did my wife cheat on me? Need help.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Goldfinger View Post
She never wore the lingerie for me and never told me about it. This didn't sit right with me as it didn't make sense so I paid more attention to it. I noticed she wore the lingerie to work sometimes including crotchless panties.
How do you rationalise this?
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post #68 of 103 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 10:05 AM
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Re: Did my wife cheat on me? Need help.

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I noticed she wore the lingerie to work sometimes including crotchless panties.
Quote:
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I have no real proof
I'm out. Either you are pulling our leg or you can see the forest through the trees.

The forest as in SHE IS 100% CHEATING ON YOU WITH SOMEONE FROM WORK.

“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” - Maya Angelou
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post #69 of 103 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 11:05 AM
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Re: Did my wife cheat on me? Need help.

You need to get as much data as possible to see if any of the claims don't line up.

Are you sure she was actually going to work on the days she was wearing lingerie and crotchless panties out? Do you have access to her pay stubs and do they track accrued vacation?

I would look to see if she was burning up vacation time that you can't account for.

I think everyone here looking at some of the facts is thinking that there is no way she was wearing this kind of stuff and "looking like she got pretty excited during the day" based on your description of her lingerie afterward and she wasn't cheating.
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post #70 of 103 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 12:03 PM
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Re: Did my wife cheat on me? Need help.

Unless you normally check your wife's panties, you really don't have any idea whether the secretions on her panties are from being excited for simply being during her ovulatory phase. I read a book that explains what happens during different phases of a woman's cycle. During ovulation, a woman has different secretions that are supposed to help the sperm make it up to the egg. For some women, they have to wear panty liners.



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post #71 of 103 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 01:58 PM
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Re: Did my wife cheat on me? Need help.

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Unless you normally check your wife's panties, you really don't have any idea whether the secretions on her panties are from being excited for simply being during her ovulatory phase. I read a book that explains what happens during different phases of a woman's cycle. During ovulation, a woman has different secretions that are supposed to help the sperm make it up to the egg. For some women, they have to wear panty liners.
...so crotchless panties would be a great choice on those days!
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post #72 of 103 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 02:07 PM
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Re: Did my wife cheat on me? Need help.

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I am hoping against hope the results are good and she is telling the truth.
I don't think you understand why a polygraph test is taken. It has nothing to do with the results, which are unreliable and can be biased based on the examiners abilities, the test takers ability to deceive and a boat load of other factors.

Don't expect to learn anything from the test itself. It's all about her reaction to the impending test.

You schedule a polygraph hoping for a confession in the parking lot just before entering the building to take the test. Or in the days or weeks before. The fear and guilt and fear of exposure gets them talking, they'd rather you hear the edited truth from them beforehand, in their mind it's all about damage control and of course it only works if they think a polygraph test will expose them.

If you haven't learned anything new by the time they plug in the electrodes, you probably never will.
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post #73 of 103 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 03:07 PM
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Re: Did my wife cheat on me? Need help.

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Unless you normally check your wife's panties, you really don't have any idea whether the secretions on her panties are from being excited for simply being during her ovulatory phase. I read a book that explains what happens during different phases of a woman's cycle. During ovulation, a woman has different secretions that are supposed to help the sperm make it up to the egg. For some women, they have to wear panty liners.
I read ^this^, and all I could think was "crotchless undies".

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post #74 of 103 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 05:35 PM
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Re: Did my wife cheat on me? Need help.

I agree that she is cheating. The chances that she hasn't are remote, which is why it's hard not to believe the lies sometimes. Someone who loves his spouse wants to believe in her, so they take the chance that the crazy story could be true. I think polygraphs are helpful in these cases.

However, I don't think inspecting her panties is yielding proof of anything other than she is a woman. Unless he is aware of where she was in her cycle when he inspected the panties and he had been inspecting her panities for months and charting what he saw, he could not possibly determine that the panties were in said condition due to sexual excitement. It may have been a normal part of her cycle.

As far as the crotchless panties, that is some pretty strong circumstantial evidence. Did you wife ever wear these for you? How do you know how many pair she purchased? Most credit card statements show where the item was purchased and the total, not a detailed receipt.


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post #75 of 103 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 08:33 PM
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Re: Did my wife cheat on me? Need help.

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I don't think you understand why a polygraph test is taken. It has nothing to do with the results, which are unreliable and can be biased based on the examiners abilities, the test takers ability to deceive and a boat load of other factors.

Don't expect to learn anything from the test itself. It's all about her reaction to the impending test.

You schedule a polygraph hoping for a confession in the parking lot just before entering the building to take the test. Or in the days or weeks before. The fear and guilt and fear of exposure gets them talking, they'd rather you hear the edited truth from them beforehand, in their mind it's all about damage control and of course it only works if they think a polygraph test will expose them.

If you haven't learned anything new by the time they plug in the electrodes, you probably never will.
I agree, but a smart person would scoff at the suggestion of a poly. They are junk science. A better test would have been to give you her phone on demand to run a recovery app. The good ones can pull up deleted texts etc. Then again, if you have to go there, your marriage is in serious trouble one way or another. Good luck.
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