Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: North Eastern USA
Did my wife cheat on me? Need help.
I am very troubled and sad that I am here and actually posting this in an effort to seek advice and wisdom in my marriage. I have been married to my wife for 12 years and together with her for 18. We have two small wonderful children. We are both financially successful and we hardly ever argue or fight. Sounds wonderful right? Well, it was but I now have the gut wrenching feeling that something is wrong.
We've always had a good relationship and a decent sex life. The sex dried up a couple of years ago and I thought nothing of it due to our young children and the stress and changes raising a family brings. I first became suspicious a little over a year ago. I pay our credit card bills sometimes and noticed she purchased a few items from Adem and Eve. No big deal. My wife is just exploring her sexuality which I thought could only help our relationship. Then I noticed a few purchases from Fredericks of Hollywood. Here's where it gets fuzzy for me. She never wore the lingerie for me and never told me about it. This didn't sit right with me as it didn't make sense so I paid more attention to it. I noticed she wore the lingerie to work sometimes including crotchless panties. I don't mean to be crass either, but I also noticed her panties would sometimes look like she was very excited during the day. She does the laundry so I'm positive she never thought I would notice. Now my hackles were up.
I searched our home computer and her cell phone and could not find any evidence of someone else. Yet, my wife would get dolled up for work and were lingerie underneath her business clothes only to come home and change out of them. She would not take a shower though as I looked for that. After a few weeks of when this all started, my wife became very sexually aggressive. She would put the kids to bed and come up with all sorts of kinky things. I honestly didn't know if I could keep up. I thought that maybe my wife was just reaching her sexual maturity since she is in her mid to late thirties. She also surprised me during this time when she all of a sudden out of nowhere started to deep throat (again I apologize for being explicit). Where does a women just learn a trick like that? She would also carry those small fresh breath toothbrushes that require no water or rinsing in her car. I never thought much of it until I started looking at the big picture.
During this time frame she started running and working out at home as well as using a Fitbit. My wife has always been very attractive and in good shape, just not super physically fit. As I said, I had my suspicions but could never find any concrete proof other then this circumstantial evidence. I was upset but decided to drop it.
Fast forward to today. Our sex life has been none existent for the past 8 months. Zero. I recently noticed that she once again purchased more lingerie from Fredericks over a month ago. She also has been getting wax treatments done for her bikini area. Once again, I have not been the beneficiary of any of these things. Our relationship is not very open and we really do not have much dialogue or open up to each other anymore. She doesn't even kiss me goodbye anymore and if she does it's on the cheek. All my past suspicions have come back and I just have that feeling in my gut.
I've tried to find evidence again but to no avail. If my wife is or did cheat it would have to be at work. She works at a very large company and has unlimited free time there. She could be gone for an hour and no one would question it. It is a rare occasion that I can ever get a hold of her at work and she usually, but not always, responds to my texts or voicemails after a few hours. She never works late or goes into the office at strange times. She guards her cell phone but does give me access to it. I searched through it last night and didn't find anything except a couple of strange numbers that were blocked from texting and FaceTime.
So that's where I am at. I have no real proof, just very suspicious behavior and a terrible feeling deep down. The bad part is is that my instincts are usually correct. I love my family very much. They are the most important thing to me in the world. I would suffer through a marriage to keep my children free of the pain that divorce causes. I just don't know where to go from her. I thought of confronting her, but realize that if she is cheating then she would just lie about it and take better steps to cover her tracks. However, the uncertainty is causing just as much damage. It is making me distant and cold. Do I have nothing to worry about? Should I investigate further? Should I confront her? I appreciate each and everyone of you for taking the time to read this and look forward to any advice or suggestions you may have.
Last edited by Goldfinger; 03-04-2017 at 12:05 PM.