Trying to Stop Wife Before She Decides to Cheat. - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
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post #31 of 65 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 04:04 PM
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Re: Trying to Stop Wife Before She Decides to Cheat.

The first thing you need to do is read the book MARRIED MAN SEX LIFE PRIMER. It will tell you exactly what is going on and how to fix it if possible.

No matter how you you don't ont her,never, never,never give up your sources. You will need them. Also buy the Sony digital voice reorders
at best-buy. Put one in your car and one in your home. She may already be banging her girlfriend but in any event it will be paramount to see who she is talking to while you are out. If she has any sense she wouldn't admit an affair to her but all friend anyway.

Anonymously rat her girlfriend out to her husband.
Unless he is enjoying the cuckhold life see the stuff hit the fan will clue your wife in to reality. After that she will figure you got your info through the grapevine.



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post #32 of 65 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 08:38 PM
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Re: Trying to Stop Wife Before She Decides to Cheat.

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Originally Posted by MrZer0 View Post
I was hoping the kid thing would resolve our lives once he gets old enough but her wanting another kid shortly means we'd be resetting the whole process to start all over again.
Don't have another child then. It sounds like your marriage may not survive it. Tell her that though you love your child dearly, it put a huge stress on your marriage and you would prefer to focus on each other again rather than another child. If you both make an effort and things improve enough in the marriage, then maybe you can consider another child.

Working opposite shifts is always a huge disconnect for a marriage. You are not together enough to nurture your emotional connection.

Don't just use your child as an excuse - "Oh, I can't surprise her for lunch, I am with the kid" is thinking that is going to give your marriage a slow death. Hire a sitter for a couple of hours. Enroll him in some sort of preschool or daycare one day a week. Make friends with another parent and do playdates. Focusing all your attention on your child instead of on each other is what got you into these doldrums.

And see if you can expose the affair this friend of your wife is having. Tell your wife's friend's husband. Find out who her affair partner is, and tell his wife if he's married. Tell the friend's family. Etc. Aside from the fact that the poor betrayed spouses need to know, it may give your wife a wake-up call. If she is fantasizing vicariously about affairs, let her see the damage that happens when they blow up.
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post #33 of 65 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 09:38 PM
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Re: Trying to Stop Wife Before She Decides to Cheat.

I am a married woman and I agree with Chaparal, you need to become an alpha male and stop *****footing around this issue.
You wife may be tired with the young kids etc but she is treading in dangerous territory. Thoughts can become actions quite quickly. I would suggest you tell your wife that you are putting in a lot of effort into wooing her but it does not seem to be reciprocated and if she thinks that is the way to go, you are not engaging anymore.
Give her a chance to reciprocate give a deadline, if she doesnt then start to go to the gym, lose weight, do the 180 on her and start going out more, join a club. Men who bend over backwards for their women are not all that attractive, you have to play a bit hard to get and let her know that you could have other options if you so desired. In other words, you are desirable and you are not content to put up with her lack of attention. Men need to be appreciated also.
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post #34 of 65 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 01:48 AM
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Re: Trying to Stop Wife Before She Decides to Cheat.

Sounds like your wife needs a wake up call. I think you should anonymously tip off the husband and snoop on the fallout. It might be enough to straighten out your wife. Also this is a good time to get your **** together and semi-plan a different life. I would confront if anything at all starts happening with a particular guy.
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post #35 of 65 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 05:34 AM
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Re: Trying to Stop Wife Before She Decides to Cheat.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chaparral View Post
The first thing you need to do is read the book MARRIED MAN SEX LIFE PRIMER. It will tell you exactly what is going on and how to fix it if possible.

No matter how you you don't ont her,never, never,never give up your sources. You will need them. Also buy the Sony digital voice reorders
at best-buy. Put one in your car and one in your home. She may already be banging her girlfriend but in any event it will be paramount to see who she is talking to while you are out. If she has any sense she wouldn't admit an affair to her but all friend anyway.

Anonymously rat her girlfriend out to her husband.
Unless he is enjoying the cuckhold life see the stuff hit the fan will clue your wife in to reality. After that she will figure you got your info through the grapevine.

I read this a few years ago, I think it is spot on in so many ways. Surprised that it isn't recommended more often, as I think it would help many who get the standard "divorce" advice.
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post #36 of 65 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 09:56 AM
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Re: Trying to Stop Wife Before She Decides to Cheat.

Sometimes there's a fine line regarding when the best time to confront is. But I'm going to suggest a different strategy than most have.

Right now, if you readily have access to her messages and she thinks everything is fine with you; that's a huge advantage in your favor. One that I would hate to give up so quickly, by revealing your concerns with what she said in them. That's the type of information where there's no real way you can avoid her knowing how you know. Then you risk taking her taking things underground going forward. And she could very will explain it away as girl talk or at least attempt to. Even if she admits she was wrong and apologizes, you've still lost your trump card. Personally, I'd want to see if I could find evidence that she couldn't try to explain away; that was worth giving up the advantage you have right now.

Add to that; what are the chances of talking your wife out of cheating? If she wants to cheat, she'll do it - just more carefully.

So, I would act like nothing's wrong. I would continue to monitor her messages a while longer and use other methods as well. Spyware on her phone, cell records, VAR. Then see what you come up with.

Last edited by badmemory; 03-06-2017 at 10:25 AM.
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post #37 of 65 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 12:06 PM
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Re: Trying to Stop Wife Before She Decides to Cheat.

I hope he's still reading, but have my doubts. He didn't hear what he wanted to I guess.

People don't get a free pass to cheat just because their marriage sucks.


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post #38 of 65 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 12:27 PM
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Man up! Confront! Times like this require bold actions. Let her know you will be glad to pack her bags and do not let the door hit you in the ass on the way out. And by all means tell your wife's friend husband. Do not be a wimp like you are now. Sorry I call I like it is.
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post #39 of 65 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 12:29 PM
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Re: Trying to Stop Wife Before She Decides to Cheat.

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Originally Posted by Voltaire2013 View Post
Step one, job change for her to days, it's unhealthy for your marriage. It's hard to maintain a healthy relationship if you never see each other.
It's also gives a temporary reprieve on work 'temptations'.

Work on this first, there's plenty to do after but this IMO should come first.

Cheers,
V(13)
^^^true.

Two ships passing in the night type marriages are very hard to maintain. Your W needs to consider day time work. If not for the marriage, your child.

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post #40 of 65 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 12:45 PM
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Re: Trying to Stop Wife Before She Decides to Cheat.

Your wife needs to see what happens to marriages when affairs take place. Right now, she's just getting to witness the benefits of this friend cheating (I hate to say "benefits" because it's just disgusting to me). I'd get an anonymous note to the husband letting him know that she's cheating. Then, sit back & watch the **** storm. However, you can only hope that they're not rug sweepers.

Having the wife switch jobs or change shifts isn't going to help the situation any. At least from the temptation of cheating point-of-view. There'll be plenty of eye candy elsewhere.


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post #41 of 65 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 01:11 PM
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Re: Trying to Stop Wife Before She Decides to Cheat.

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Originally Posted by tropicalbeachiwish View Post
Your wife needs to see what happens to marriages when affairs take place. Right now, she's just getting to witness the benefits of this friend cheating (I hate to say "benefits" because it's just disgusting to me). I'd get an anonymous note to the husband letting him know that she's cheating. Then, sit back & watch the **** storm. However, you can only hope that they're not rug sweepers.

Having the wife switch jobs or change shifts isn't going to help the situation any. At least from the temptation of cheating point-of-view. There'll be plenty of eye candy elsewhere.
True but there is an extra set of eyes now watching the same eye candy as well as the electronics.

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post #42 of 65 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 03:10 PM
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Re: Trying to Stop Wife Before She Decides to Cheat.

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Originally Posted by MrZer0 View Post
I guess I’m trying to figure out how to steer her away from temptation and her toxic best friend and back towards her family before she makes a decision she can't turn back from.
You can't stop your wife from cheating if she wants to. You want some advice you probably aren't gonna take?

If you even THINK your wife is capable of cheating on you, SLAP HER WITH DIVORCE PAPERS ASAP.

If you don't have complete trust then she's not worth keeping around. This relationship is already over.

She has "secret chats" with toxic friends. YOU should be her best friend. Only privacy she needs is when she's on the toilet.

“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” - Maya Angelou
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post #43 of 65 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 04:44 PM
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Re: Trying to Stop Wife Before She Decides to Cheat.

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Originally Posted by Voltaire2013 View Post
Step one, job change for her to days, it's unhealthy for your marriage.
^THIS^

And get rid of her toxic cheating friend. You might want to clue in the friends husband how he is being played as a cuckold, and show him that text message.
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post #44 of 65 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 04:49 PM
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Re: Trying to Stop Wife Before She Decides to Cheat.

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Originally Posted by badmemory View Post
Sometimes there's a fine line regarding when the best time to confront is. But I'm going to suggest a different strategy than most have.

Right now, if you readily have access to her messages and she thinks everything is fine with you; that's a huge advantage in your favor. One that I would hate to give up so quickly, by revealing your concerns with what she said in them. That's the type of information where there's no real way you can avoid her knowing how you know. Then you risk taking her taking things underground going forward. And she could very will explain it away as girl talk or at least attempt to. Even if she admits she was wrong and apologizes, you've still lost your trump card. Personally, I'd want to see if I could find evidence that she couldn't try to explain away; that was worth giving up the advantage you have right now.

Add to that; what are the chances of talking your wife out of cheating? If she wants to cheat, she'll do it - just more carefully.

So, I would act like nothing's wrong. I would continue to monitor her messages a while longer and use other methods as well. Spyware on her phone, cell records, VAR. Then see what you come up with.
Yeah, but it looks like she is ready to act on this one. I would save everything i could on her texts/emails to the web, then confront. This is one you do not want to be a day late on.
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post #45 of 65 (permalink) Old 03-09-2017, 04:31 PM
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Re: Trying to Stop Wife Before She Decides to Cheat.

Your wife is ripe for the picking.

A skilled player will home in on that from 500 feet away.

Catching the cheater:
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