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post #46 of 49 (permalink) Old 03-09-2017, 04:50 PM
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Re: Trying to Stop Wife Before She Decides to Cheat.

Originally Posted by GusPolinski View Post
Back everything up and confront.

Draw your line in the sand, and tell her that the bullsh*t ends or your marriage ends.

The toxic friend needs to go. I'd also expose her affair to her betrayed husband.
Yep, and I'd add that your wife may need to look for a new job. Also, I would not feel bad at all for reading those texts. While I'm not into snooping, I do think that if you have a reason to take a look at your spouse's devices/texts, that's within your right in your marriage. You have every right to know what is going on in your own marriage.

Your wife is being very disrespectful of you. And while I agree with the quote that we are the average of the 5 people we most often spend time with, I don't think you should blame your wife's friend. A stand-up wife would not hesitate to tell a cheating friend that she will not support her having an affair. Your wife has issues with boundaries (IMO).

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post #47 of 49 (permalink) Old 03-09-2017, 09:56 PM
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Re: Trying to Stop Wife Before She Decides to Cheat.

Originally Posted by drifting on View Post
Straight forward like Gus Polinski and no choice have suggested is the correct way. Visiting her workplace for lunch with flowers is a good idea. No babysitter, no problem, bring your daughter with and say she wanted to tell mommy she loves her. Then maybe whisper in your wife's ear that she wanted to see the eye candy. This should get a horrorifying look from your wife. Ask her to go to lunch then if she won't introduce you to them. Then walk out and turn your phone off.

Do not make any contact at all, leave her to her head spinning. When your wife gets home, be ready for work, as soon as she comes through the door te her you were called into work early and leave. Again leave her with her head spinning, but be sure you can access your wife's iPad the following morning. I guarantee you your wife will have a very good conversation with the toxic friend that could tell you very much.

Also call your wife's toxic friends husband and make him aware. Tell him your wife agreed that said toxic friend should have her fun, this will ensure that both you and toxic friends husband won't want the wives to be friends. Tell the husband you have the information backed up if he needs any of it. This will also make your toxic friend call your wife.

What you need is shock value, nice guy doesn't work. If you shock your wife enough and she sees toxic friends life blow up she may not want to enter an affair now. Perhaps I sound cruel to you, I assure you I'm not cruel, but this needs to blow up in your wife's face.

When you come home from work your wife may want to talk. Talk to her, tell her how you know a guy who is very in love with his wife. That love is not reciprocated back to him. Tell her how this guy feels, but you would never condone an affair under any circumstances. Then tell her this guys story is you, and now you know that eye candy at work is why she can't reciprocate. Tell her your boundaries, that you feel they can't be crossed, and if they are swift and decisive action will result.

Best of luck to you.
QFT ... every word of it, and a good plan to follow, @MrZer0 . I predict you will truly regret not aggressively nipping this in the bud ASAP.
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post #48 of 49 (permalink) Old 03-09-2017, 10:59 PM
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Re: Trying to Stop Wife Before She Decides to Cheat.

Only bold action is able to work on waywards. You confront in a weak manner and she will test you by taking action with OM.

I actually think your situation may be further along than you think. I would not be surprised if she's not already cheating with the so called eye candy. She probably is not brave enough to admit it, so she talks about only thinking about it but is already actually doing it.

Too many BHs think that if the texting doesn't reveal an actual affair then it's not happening. We've had so many BHs come here for help with what they thought was only an EA based on the texting or emails. Further digging, it turns out that it was actually a sexual PA.

You need to get a VAR in her car BEFORE you confront. Also you MUST expose her adulteress friend. If you go soft on adultery, I'm telling you, it will bite you. She's going to be looking at your actions not your words.

Also, she needs to change to a day job ASAP. It's destroying your marriage. Don't take no for answer. I really hope you don't give the daycare excuse for this split work schedule. Your family is hanging by a thread.

Also, that "friend" needs to be nixed immediately.
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post #49 of 49 (permalink) Old 03-10-2017, 06:42 AM
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Re: Trying to Stop Wife Before She Decides to Cheat.

Originally Posted by smi11ie View Post
Sounds like your wife needs a wake up call. I think you should anonymously tip off the husband and snoop on the fallout.
this is a great idea. Send a type written note to the guy's place of employment addressed to him.
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