She is living with her parents until a lease on an apartment starts next week.
She is moving all her stuff out next week and then I won't have to see her anymore. The no contact has made it easier.
Pack up ALL her stuff and dump it off at her parents' home. Yes, you shouldn't have to, and yes it will hurt to do so, but it's like peeling the bandaid off quickly instead of slowly. Seeing it at your home, and having her come over regularly to get it piecemeal is keeping you stuck in pain.
Thanks Monk. You are not the first person to believe she is super codependent and is now obsessed with this new guy. At the very beginning I asked what the OM's flaws were and she said he has no negative flaws. I'm definitely seeing the same pattern. She is obsessing over a new person like she did with me at the beginning.
From what you describe, she seems to be the type of person driven more by emotion than by logic. She is held fast by limerence, new relationship hormones, whatever you like to call it, which she believes is love. She's now experienced it with the new guy, hasn't felt it for you in many years, and thinks that means this new relationship is meant to be. The type of person who is controlled by their hormones like that isn't a good long term relationship partner.
She may realize she made a mistake someday, and wish she had stayed with you, and probably even try to get back with you, especially if the new guy tires of her or things get tough or the limerence runs out. However she will always be the type of person who would give in to temptation when another new guy provides that limerence feeling again.
We were going to try to have kids in the next couple years and now that is dashed. I'm only 41 but most of my friends are in the young kid stage and don't have time to hang out. At times it has been lonely but I have really worked on bettering myself and my family has been very supportive although they do not live in the area. At times I think about how great life was and how our dreams are no longer possible.
You are mourning the loss of the future you had planned as well as the loss of the honourable woman you thought you had married, which turns out not to be a reality. It's going to take time to recover your equilibrium but you will remain a good man and potential husband and father.
I am going to start dating in the next couple weeks and I think once I meet someone I have any attraction to it will be helpful.
I would advise waiting a bit, unless you want to just play around and have one night stands. Actively dating will just end up hurting you, and whichever woman you pick. Get your head on straight as a single man before looking for new relationships. But brief encounters with similarly minded woman could do you a world of good, depending on the kind of guy you are.
This is clearly from what has been described, a disloyal, ungrateful, low class woman.
She doesn't get a pass on cheating and abandonment just because she married young.
Nobody gets a pass on cheating. She may have hidden it well before, or maybe it never came up because opportunity never arose, but she has always been, and very likely always will be, the type of person who thinks of herself first, acts on her feelings without thinking of the repercussions, and puts her own sexual satisfaction ahead of her integrity and the happiness of the people around her.