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post #316 of 320 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 01:01 PM
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Re: Wife is choosing other man

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Originally Posted by Clemson View Post
My question is how do you identify these types of people during the dating process? Maybe her total dedication and passion for me with disregard of everyone and everything else was my red flag. I was too inexperienced to have seen it or known the potential repercussions. I sense OM is the same type of person based on what I know about him and the texts I've seen.
I have reflected on this question with some diligence and have come to think that overall signs of maturity would be the single biggest indicator. I believe one of the most telling indicators about a persons maturity is contemplative thought especially in regards to finances. A large amount of debt would tend to indicate one who has difficulty denying themselves what they want. Try to ascertain their level of satiety with life in general.

Also pay attention to how they treat people. Do they seem able to acknowledge and understand how their interactions with other people affect them or do they show little to know concern for others.

In conversation do they focus on themselves obsessively as the point of the dialog or do they yearn for more information about other topics, including you. Listen closely to their sentence structure, are they actually saying what they mean to say to effectively convey their point or do they say "you know what I mean" too often expecting that you can "decipher" their intended message. Do they have opinions and viewpoints that they are able to defend with salient facts and figures not just hearsay and propaganda.

I know this is by no means all inclusive but it may give you food for thought as you enter the world of dating. I do know however, that the maturity level of society in general is declining rapidly so do be weary of that fact.


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post #317 of 320 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 01:42 PM
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Re: Wife is choosing other man

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Originally Posted by NoChoice View Post
I have reflected on this question with some diligence and have come to think that overall signs of maturity would be the single biggest indicator. I believe one of the most telling indicators about a persons maturity is contemplative thought especially in regards to finances. A large amount of debt would tend to indicate one who has difficulty denying themselves what they want. Try to ascertain their level of satiety with life in general.

Also pay attention to how they treat people. Do they seem able to acknowledge and understand how their interactions with other people affect them or do they show little to know concern for others.

In conversation do they focus on themselves obsessively as the point of the dialog or do they yearn for more information about other topics, including you. Listen closely to their sentence structure, are they actually saying what they mean to say to effectively convey their point or do they say "you know what I mean" too often expecting that you can "decipher" their intended message. Do they have opinions and viewpoints that they are able to defend with salient facts and figures not just hearsay and propaganda.

I know this is by no means all inclusive but it may give you food for thought as you enter the world of dating. I do know however, that the maturity level of society in general is declining rapidly so do be weary of that fact.
I can't speak for Clemson, but the above descriptions hit eerily close to home. Would you please expand on your line of thinking ... you very much have my attention.
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post #318 of 320 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 02:00 PM
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Re: Wife is choosing other man

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Originally Posted by TheTruthHurts View Post
the key thing is to become completely comfortable with yourself as an individual who can live alone without a relationship and still be happy and fulfilled.
If someone can be completely happy living alone without a relationship, then would they want to get involved with a relationship? I think that most of us do have a longing to have a partner. Without one, life can be good, but I'd argue that it wouldn't be "completely happy" for most people.

Last edited by Steve1000; 03-20-2017 at 02:01 PM. Reason: Changed a period to a question mark.
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post #319 of 320 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 05:01 PM
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Re: Wife is choosing other man

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If someone can be completely happy living alone without a relationship, then would they want to get involved with a relationship? I think that most of us do have a longing to have a partner. Without one, life can be good, but I'd argue that it wouldn't be "completely happy" for most people.


A longing is very different. That's your desire. I'm talking about your capability. Can you be happy as an independent person? Can you be happy, independent and still want a relationship? Absolutely!


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post #320 of 320 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 05:42 PM
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Re: Wife is choosing other man

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Originally Posted by MyRevelation View Post
I can't speak for Clemson, but the above descriptions hit eerily close to home. Would you please expand on your line of thinking ... you very much have my attention.
I do not wish to threadjack but I do believe that this information would be relevant to the OP.

Adult relationships are very complex and involve an intricate network of thoughts, feelings, perceptions and responses. Due to this complexity, an immature individual is ill equipped to fully understand, act and react in a way that is productive and beneficial to the marriage. They are also incapable of handling their own emotions and feelings which further disadvantages their position.

Since their mind does not process information fully, or in some cases barely, their words, actions and interactions will paint a true picture of who they are. What may be superficially perceived as a person "acting cute" may, in reality, not be an act but rather an indication of their inability to handle or cope with a particular situation.

Likewise, displays of anger can be an indicator of a seriously underdeveloped intellect. In a truly mature individual there is rarely a need to display anger but in an immature person anger is quite often the first response to an adverse situation. Whereas a mature individual could communicate their concerns by presenting a reasoned argument, an immature person would become angry and storm off. Therefore, how a person handles their own emotions and feelings can be indicative as to their level of maturity.

When dating, there are usually behaviors displayed that will indicate a persons level of maturity such as the fiance in this thread becoming obsessed with the OP, unfortunately most times they are either overlooked in the infatuation of dating or taken as "cute" and therefore dismissed.

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