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post #76 of 345 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 06:28 PM
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Re: Wife is choosing other man

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Originally Posted by Clemson View Post
I am packing up her crap today. Thanks for the advice. Do you all recommend I be here when she moves her crap out? Don't know if it's better to prevent her from taking my stuff.

Oddly enough, my neighbor had his wife cheat on him very similarly 10 years ago. He quickly got divorced and she came crawling back. He says my wife will be making a run and reconciliation in the next 6 months after relationship with OM goes bad. He recommended I put together a list of how she's hurt me so I can reference it when I feel weak. My parents never want to see her again so that is hanging out there. I am prepared for her to try to come back in the future and am anxious to finalize the D. I also thinking going on some dates might further help me fend her off down the road.
Some try and come back, most dont. Most do so much damage they can't swallow enough pride to try and come back.


Tomorrow is the most important thing in life. Comes into us at midnight very clean. It's perfect when it arrives and it puts itself in our hands. It hopes we've learned something from yesterday
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post #77 of 345 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 06:30 PM
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Re: Wife is choosing other man

Clemson,

You are probably correct in that this OM is going to be one broke ass hole even if he is telling the truth and divorces his wife. And guess what? When your wife and him have no money to do anything, the resentment and problems in the relationship will come crashing down. And wait until she sees what happens if her little "instant" family of young ones can't stand her and all the havoc that will create.

Guess What. NOT YOUR PROBLEM any more. And you said it correctly. SHE SHOULD BE DEAD TO YOU ONCE SHE LEAVES.

t=There is nothing more to figure out and I do not know why you want to even go down the path of talking about if she wants to come back in six months. Unfortunately, if you keep conversing with her family and mutual friends, you are inadvertently going to be subject to updates on what is going on with her.

You have no kids. Make the break. And you will do better.
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post #78 of 345 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 06:49 PM
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Re: Wife is choosing other man

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My wife has a job. OM is going to be broke from his divorce (assuming he follows through) so my wife will be paying for everything using the money I paid in divorce. That's what I meant. Indirectly I will be funding their life.
I would fight to not give her a cent. You are a lawyer you must have friends. Beside that your wife is beyond stupid. She married a faithful man who has his own law practice! She is trading that in for a cheater who has 3 kids and a ex wife. She may be one of the dumbest people on the planet.

Dude she is going to have a bitter pill to swallow. Again your kids will have higher IQ's with someone else.
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post #79 of 345 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 06:52 PM
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Re: Wife is choosing other man

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Originally Posted by sokillme View Post
I would fight to not give her a cent. You are a lawyer you must have friends. Beside that your wife is beyond stupid. She married a faithful man who has his own law practice! She is trading that in for a cheater who has 3 kids and a ex wife. She may be one of the dumbest people on the planet.

Dude she is going to have a bitter pill to swallow. Again your kids will have higher IQ's with someone else.


It's never about money.

Never any long term thinking.

It's about instant gratification.
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post #80 of 345 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 07:13 PM
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Re: Wife is choosing other man

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It's never about money.

Never any long term thinking.

It's about instant gratification.
Truth.
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post #81 of 345 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 07:39 PM
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Re: Wife is choosing other man

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Originally Posted by Clemson View Post
I am packing up her crap today. Thanks for the advice. Do you all recommend I be here when she moves her crap out? Don't know if it's better to prevent her from taking my stuff.

Oddly enough, my neighbor had his wife cheat on him very similarly 10 years ago. He quickly got divorced and she came crawling back. He says my wife will be making a run and reconciliation in the next 6 months after relationship with OM goes bad. He recommended I put together a list of how she's hurt me so I can reference it when I feel weak. My parents never want to see her again so that is hanging out there. I am prepared for her to try to come back in the future and am anxious to finalize the D. I also thinking going on some dates might further help me fend her off down the road.
No contact is the only way. If she can't contact you, she could show up at your house, but you don't need to open the door. lol Seriously, NC is the only way out of a toxic relationship, and that's what you were in. And that's what she is in with her OM. Because nothing good comes from cheating, and she will likely come running back, because you're her second best option at that point, until another better option comes along. Please stay strong.

Sometimes, you fall in love with the most unexpected person, at the most unexpected time. ~ Unknown
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post #82 of 345 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 07:41 PM
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Re: Wife is choosing other man

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Originally Posted by Clemson View Post
My wife has a job. OM is going to be broke from his divorce (assuming he follows through) so my wife will be paying for everything using the money I paid in divorce. That's what I meant. Indirectly I will be funding their life.
What money you paid in divorce? You mean her half of your joint assets? That's her problem if she uses it up supporting him and his kids.
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post #83 of 345 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 07:59 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Wife is choosing other man

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What money you paid in divorce? You mean her half of your joint assets? That's her problem if she uses it up supporting him and his kids.
Yes her half of joint assets. I know she has a right to it. I made most of the money but I know how it works and I was prepared to share every penny I had as her husband. Just makes me mad she had the affair and takes half the money but I understand it is a joint asset.
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post #84 of 345 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 08:01 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Wife is choosing other man

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Clemson,

You are probably correct in that this OM is going to be one broke ass hole even if he is telling the truth and divorces his wife. And guess what? When your wife and him have no money to do anything, the resentment and problems in the relationship will come crashing down. And wait until she sees what happens if her little "instant" family of young ones can't stand her and all the havoc that will create.

Guess What. NOT YOUR PROBLEM any more. And you said it correctly. SHE SHOULD BE DEAD TO YOU ONCE SHE LEAVES.

t=There is nothing more to figure out and I do not know why you want to even go down the path of talking about if she wants to come back in six months. Unfortunately, if you keep conversing with her family and mutual friends, you are inadvertently going to be subject to updates on what is going on with her.

You have no kids. Make the break. And you will do better.
I'm not entertaining taking her back. I am preparing for that eventuality so I am strong enough to deflect the urge to "be back to normal" which I know is not possible. You can't put the genie back in the bottle.
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post #85 of 345 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 08:09 PM
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Re: Wife is choosing other man

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Originally Posted by Clemson View Post
Yes her half of joint assets. I know she has a right to it. I made most of the money but I know how it works and I was prepared to share every penny I had as her husband. Just makes me mad she had the affair and takes half the money but I understand it is a joint asset.
It sucks, but money is money. Keep you honor and your dignity. You can't put a price on it. You will be earning a lot more I suspect.

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post #86 of 345 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 08:12 PM
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Re: Wife is choosing other man

The other thing you'll have to do in order to make this as easy on you as possible. Stay away from her family. I'm sure they are good folks but but bringing her up, talking about her will just hinder you.

Sounds kinda harsh but you have to look at what's best for you.

If you can set boundaries and maintain no contact it's the best thing.

Hurts a lot up front but it'll get you where you need to be faster.

Sorry man
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post #87 of 345 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 08:23 PM
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Re: Wife is choosing other man

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Originally Posted by Marc878 View Post
The other thing you'll have to do in order to make this as easy on you as possible. Stay away from her family. I'm sure they are good folks but but bringing her up, talking about her will just hinder you.

Sounds kinda harsh but you have to look at what's best for you.

If you can set boundaries and maintain no contact it's the best thing.

Hurts a lot up front but it'll get you where you need to be faster.

Sorry man
Agreed, plus I suggest you tell them that it is now time to move on, thank them for being good in laws and wish them well. They will respect that and it will just make her look worse because once again you proved to be a good man. Imagine being her father and knowing how much she traded down. Knowing who she is with? Now I am not saying she had to stay married to you but even if the marriage is not great, she went for a married guy with 3 kids, while he was still married. Every father's dream.

Dude in about a year you are going to be thanking you lucky stars you are far away from the crash and burn that is about to happen.
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post #88 of 345 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 08:29 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Wife is choosing other man

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Originally Posted by Marc878 View Post
The other thing you'll have to do in order to make this as easy on you as possible. Stay away from her family. I'm sure they are good folks but but bringing her up, talking about her will just hinder you.

Sounds kinda harsh but you have to look at what's best for you.

If you can set boundaries and maintain no contact it's the best thing.

Hurts a lot up front but it'll get you where you need to be faster.

Sorry man
Yeah losing her family will be hard. Since my family is out of town, I have really relied on them and they are good people. They treated me like a son and brother. My wife's two sisters have great husbands and the three couples always hung out and were all roughly the same age. I will miss them but I understand it can't go on forever. I have already told them all I will have to start withdrawing from them. Lots of tears. My stupid wife has hurt so many people and she doesn't care right now. I sincerely thank all of you who spent time offering your experience and wisdom regarding my situation. My future is very bright and I will find someone great. Just thought I already had - that's all.
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post #89 of 345 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 08:34 PM
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Re: Wife is choosing other man

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Yeah losing her family will be hard. Since my family is out of town, I have really relied on them and they are good people. They treated me like a son and brother. My wife's two sisters have great husbands and the three couples always hung out and were all roughly the same age. I will miss them but I understand it can't go on forever. I have already told them all I will have to start withdrawing from them. Lots of tears. My stupid wife has hurt so many people and she doesn't care right now. I sincerely thank all of you who spent time offering your experience and wisdom regarding my situation. My future is very bright and I will find someone great. Just thought I already had - that's all.
Once you do make it a point to pay it forward and come back and post. More people need to see there is hope and joy in ending an abusive relationship.
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post #90 of 345 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 08:37 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Wife is choosing other man

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Agreed, plus I suggest you tell them that it is now time to move on, thank them for being good in laws and wish them well. They will respect that and it will just make her look worse because once again you proved to be a good man. Imagine being her father and knowing how much she traded down. Knowing who she is with? Now I am not saying she had to stay married to you but even if the marriage is not great, she went for a married guy with 3 kids, while he was still married. Every father's dream.

Dude in about a year you are going to be thanking you lucky stars you are far away from the crash and burn that is about to happen.
You seem like a really good dude and we think a lot a like. Thanks for your thoughts. My wife's parents are devastated by this. Her mom brought me 5-6 meals last week so I could eat a home cooked meal. Her dad sends me bible scripture and tells me how disappointed they are in their daughter. My nieces and nephews ask where I am at family gatherings. It's the elephant in the room and they have no desire to meet OM or bring him into the family. It's a disaster. I'm done with my wife. I'm just hung up on the old version of her that doesn't exist. It's like grieving a death. Packing up her stuff today was tough. Seeing old pics and clothing I bought her or could see her wearing. I'll be glad when everything is out of the house and I can get busy building my new life. I never in a million years saw this coming with my wife. Lightning striking me seemed more likely. I know my situation could have been much worse but it still hurts sometimes even though I know I'm better without her now.
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