Re: I know I'm in the wrong but is this normal?
I do see this as an affair. I see a woman who fled an abusive psycho husband with intent to divorce him, but because of her codependency issues, never pulled the trigger. Then you compounded your prevarication by sleeping with another guy.
Own your sh!t. That is the first step you have to take in order to learn and grow and get out of the mess you are in. Leaving the idiot was not a mistake, but screwing another guy without filing for a divorce or legal separation first was a stupid thing to do. Now you have given your husband all the ammo he needs to discredit you and tear you down even more.
I recommend you leave this turkey and stay gone. File for divorce and let your lawyer handle him. While that is going on, get into therapy and work on yourself. Work on your codependency and your need to hook up with abusive people, because the if you do not change your behaviors, you are doomed to land in another abusive relationship, and then another, and another....and that is an awful way to live.