I know I'm in the wrong but is this normal? - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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post #31 of 45 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 06:50 PM
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Re: I know I'm in the wrong but is this normal?

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No this is not normal. Your husband's behavior was not normal before you separated from him.

Now that you are back and you told him about you having another relationship, his behavior it to the level of sever emotional abuse.

His behavior is not normal even for someone who has been cheated on. He's a construction worker but he stays on the phone all day with you while he's at work? How do the batteries on his cell phone even last that long? Does his boss know that he is doing this? It's also dangerous for him to be distracted this way.

Your husband's behavior is pathological. You need to leave him. Seriously, why would you continue to live like this?

You wonder why you got back with him. It is not unusual for a person who is abused to have a very strong emotional tie to their abuser. If that extra strong attachment did not exist, they would not stick around for the abuse. Plus, believe it or not, abuse creates a stronger than usual bond. Instead of going back with him, you should have gone to counseling by someone who specializes in abuse.

So, are you going to leave him now?


BTW, my mobile phone (sorry! Cell phone! ) can last a lot longer because I have an external battery pack for it.


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http://mygeneralblog1.blogspot.co.uk...-cheaters.html (Be afraid UK cheaters! CheaterVille has come to the UK!
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post #32 of 45 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 07:00 PM
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Re: I know I'm in the wrong but is this normal?

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I know I need a therapist. It is hard when I'm not allowed to leave the house - or talk on the phone since I'm on with him the whole day. I guess this forum is a lifeline for me right now.

I feel I know a need for women who can't get help - a private chat or therapy over email so they can get help and support.
He's not the emperor of the world. You're free to leave the house when you see fit. If you're going to reconcile, you need to reconcile on terms that you're both ok with.

So, you need to draw boundaries. Tell him what you are, and are not willing to do. Example: "Being on the phone all day is not going to work for me." If that's a deal-breaker for him, then he needs to divorce you.

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post #33 of 45 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 07:01 PM
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I know I'm in the wrong but is this normal?

She can't call a phone number while on the phone. She needs a link so she can send a text from her computer for help


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post #34 of 45 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 01:37 AM
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Re: I know I'm in the wrong but is this normal?

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She can't call a phone number while on the phone. She needs a link so she can send a text from her computer for help.
I posted a link to the National Domestic Violence Hotline. They will do computer chat, email, etc.
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post #35 of 45 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 02:13 AM
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Cool Re: I know I'm in the wrong but is this normal?

I certainly do not seek to justify or placate anyone's infidelity, period! I don't really care what their justification for committing it is! Wedding vows are not to be flippantly treated!

That being said, your marital relationship with him is toxic, and should have ended eons ago because of domestic mental abuse! You need to take measures to effect that very end just as soon as earthly possible!

Please seek out God's loving forgiveness, then you can begin the process of forgiveness to yourself by divorcing him! Only then can you begin the process of finding the true love that you deserve again!

As Jesus related to the woman at the well, "You are hereby forgiven in the eyes of the Father. Go woman, and sin no more!"


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post #36 of 45 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 04:59 AM
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Re: I know I'm in the wrong but is this normal?

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Originally Posted by TheTruthHurts View Post
She can't call a phone number while on the phone. She needs a link so she can send a text from her computer for help


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Quote:
Originally Posted by EleGirl View Post
I posted a link to the National Domestic Violence Hotline. They will do computer chat, email, etc.
OP if you have a Gmail account you can make calls from there without getting off the call with him. With Gmail you can call U.S. and Canadian numbers at no cost (if you're in the U.S.) from your PC.
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post #37 of 45 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 08:19 AM
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Re: I know I'm in the wrong but is this normal?

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OP if you have a Gmail account you can make calls from there without getting off the call with him. With Gmail you can call U.S. and Canadian numbers at no cost (if you're in the U.S.) from your PC.


Doesn't she have to install voice and chat software first?

Does H check your computer for new installed apps/programs?


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post #38 of 45 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 08:31 AM Thread Starter
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Re: I know I'm in the wrong but is this normal?

Thank you everyone for the input and links. I can't tell you how much I appreciate it!
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post #39 of 45 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 08:39 AM
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Re: I know I'm in the wrong but is this normal?

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Thank you everyone for the input and links. I can't tell you how much I appreciate it!
Be safe.

You screwed up by your response to his insane insecurities and you screwed up by going back to him but you can, and need, to make better decisions.

Get away and stay away this time.

Get confident and healthy. When you change yourself, you will start seeing things more clearly and you will be able to recognize a good man when you meet him.
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post #40 of 45 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 09:44 AM
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Re: I know I'm in the wrong but is this normal?

Whatever happened before, what he is doing is abusive. Nothing gives him the right to keep you prisoner or monitor your every action. If you can leave safely you should do so.

If he is that paranoid he probably has monitoring software on your computer.

Has he ever been physically violent? If so, get the police to help you leave.

Do you have friends / family to go to?

This is NOT normal.

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post #41 of 45 (permalink) Old 03-10-2017, 04:17 PM
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Re: I know I'm in the wrong but is this normal?

Why don't you just leave?
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post #42 of 45 (permalink) Old 03-10-2017, 04:38 PM
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Re: I know I'm in the wrong but is this normal?

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Originally Posted by arbitrator View Post
I certainly do not seek to justify or placate anyone's infidelity, period! I don't really care what their justification for committing it is! Wedding vows are not to be flippantly treated!

That being said, your marital relationship with him is toxic, and should have ended eons ago because of domestic mental abuse! You need to take measures to effect that very end just as soon as earthly possible!

Please seek out God's loving forgiveness, then you can begin the process of forgiveness to yourself by divorcing him! Only then can you begin the process of finding the true love that you deserve again!

As Jesus related to the woman at the well, "You are hereby forgiven in the eyes of the Father. Go woman, and sin no more!"

So let it be written...so let it be done...
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post #43 of 45 (permalink) Old 03-14-2017, 10:10 AM Thread Starter
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Re: I know I'm in the wrong but is this normal?

I wanted to give an update.

I did decide to leave. I just couldn't do it anymore. I am safe now with my family whom I haven't seen the entire time I was with him. He thought they were against me.

I have started counseling and realize this will be a process. Of self forgiveness and many things.

But so far it's amazing being able to spend time with my kids and not being accused of ignoring someone.

You can change your life in an instant for the better and I'm thankful for this board just letting me know that this wasn't normal.
When you are in it everyday and it's all you see - it's hard to know anymore what is normal and what is not.

Just thanking everyone who commented - I do so appreciate you!
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post #44 of 45 (permalink) Old 03-14-2017, 10:24 AM
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Re: I know I'm in the wrong but is this normal?

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I wanted to give an update.

I did decide to leave. I just couldn't do it anymore. I am safe now with my family whom I haven't seen the entire time I was with him. He thought they were against me.

I have started counseling and realize this will be a process. Of self forgiveness and many things.

But so far it's amazing being able to spend time with my kids and not being accused of ignoring someone.

You can change your life in an instant for the better and I'm thankful for this board just letting me know that this wasn't normal.
When you are in it everyday and it's all you see - it's hard to know anymore what is normal and what is not.

Just thanking everyone who commented - I do so appreciate you!
OP this is so good to hear. I don't know you but I'm so proud of you for working up the nerve to leave. It is so difficult for abused women to break the cycle, I know because my mother has not been able to do that in over 30 years. It hurts to talk to her knowing what she is going through.

Know that you are a strong woman OP. Even though your kids may not be able to recognize your strength now, they will when they get older. Most importantly, know that with this decision you are refusing to let your children live under the terror you did and their lives will be completely different from the mess it could have been if you stayed.

Kudos to you OP. I'm rooting for you!

We appreciate you too even if we're strangers on the internet. Please keep us updated.
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post #45 of 45 (permalink) Old 03-14-2017, 10:37 AM
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Re: I know I'm in the wrong but is this normal?

Smart move.

Be prepared for the urge to arise to go back to him. Especially when he starts getting really persuasive and tells you all those things you want to hear about how he's going to change his behavior and become this new wonderful person and blah blah blah. You can't change a person. You can only "change the person" (by swapping them out with an improved model).
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