Needing opinions on my boyfriend cheating, please help!! - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 10 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 04:36 PM Thread Starter
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Unhappy Needing opinions on my boyfriend cheating, please help!!

The first night I met my current boyfriend I knew there was a connection there, I hadn't realized at that time how deep of a connection it would end up being though. Any way, when I met my current boyfriend I had been dating off and on but wasn't ready to jump into anything serious. Well two days after my first date (with my current boyfriend Andrew) I made a terrible decision to go out with a guy I had previously been on a few dates with and ended up sleeping with him. I immediately regretted it because I did actually feel
something with Andrew even though it was the first date. I didn't tell Andrew but a couple months into our relationship he found out. He was so upset and was originally going to leave me for cheating on him. We decided to officially be together after 2 weeks of dating. I quit talking to or seeing anyone that I had previously dated after 2 days of meeting him. So fast forward to 9 months into our relationship and I find out after he had stayed out two nights in a row until 4am with his phone off that he had been with another women and said he only kissed her. This completely devastated me. I was in shock. We had planned to get married within the next year. The last thing I even thought would happen would be him cheating on me. I had never had any desire or even thought about anyone else since I had been with Andrew and he had always made me feel like I was the only woman in the world, that he'd never been attracted to anyone the way he was attracted to me. I was honestly convinced that I'd never have to worry about him cheating. So once I had calmed down after finding this out and we started to actually talk to see if this was something we could work through or not he basically just acted like what I did 2 days after I met him was a million times Worse than what he did. I could tell he felt a little bad but he just kept going back to how badly I hurt him in the beginning and that I really had no right to be this upset about him "only kissing someone". Whether he really only kissed her or not is hard to say but just the fact that He felt the need to seek someone out, spend time with them, and get to the point they did is so hurtful. I don't know what to do or what to think. I want to know an outsiders opinion as to whether he has any grounds to say that what I did was worse and that if we are going to try and work through anything that we need to address what I've done first and if we make it through that then we can address what he did. Any opinions or advice welcome!!! I'm so hurt, confused, and lost and don't know where to go from here.

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post #2 of 10 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 05:18 PM
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Re: Needing opinions on my boyfriend cheating, please help!!

How old are you?

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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post #3 of 10 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 05:22 PM
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Re: Needing opinions on my boyfriend cheating, please help!!

Nope what you did was not worse, because you were not committed to each other at the time.

Sorry but no man goes without his phone one for 2 days unless they are up to no good. Why was his phone off? Why was he gone for 2 days? Sorry but he is probably lying to you and I would cut this off quick, unless you believe he can be out of touch for 2 days and admitting to only kissing someone.

You sound young, so I would move on.



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post #4 of 10 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 07:51 PM
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Needing opinions on my boyfriend cheating, please help!!

Andrew is not mature enough to marry, or for you to day.

Get on birth control and stay on it. Never trust the man.
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post #5 of 10 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 08:50 PM
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Re: Needing opinions on my boyfriend cheating, please help!!

The old "only kissed her" routine, huh?

Yeah, he was having sex with her.
Don't be naive.

You're too young too get married yet. I'm guessing you're near 18-24. Am I correct?
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post #6 of 10 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 09:36 PM
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Re: Needing opinions on my boyfriend cheating, please help!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by RyMichelle View Post
The first night I met my current boyfriend I knew there was a connection there, I hadn't realized at that time how deep of a connection it would end up being though. Any way, when I met my current boyfriend I had been dating off and on but wasn't ready to jump into anything serious. Well two days after my first date (with my current boyfriend Andrew) I made a terrible decision to go out with a guy I had previously been on a few dates with and ended up sleeping with him. I immediately regretted it because I did actually feel
something with Andrew even though it was the first date. I didn't tell Andrew but a couple months into our relationship he found out. He was so upset and was originally going to leave me for cheating on him. We decided to officially be together after 2 weeks of dating. I quit talking to or seeing anyone that I had previously dated after 2 days of meeting him. So fast forward to 9 months into our relationship and I find out after he had stayed out two nights in a row until 4am with his phone off that he had been with another women and said he only kissed her. This completely devastated me. I was in shock. We had planned to get married within the next year. The last thing I even thought would happen would be him cheating on me. I had never had any desire or even thought about anyone else since I had been with Andrew and he had always made me feel like I was the only woman in the world, that he'd never been attracted to anyone the way he was attracted to me. I was honestly convinced that I'd never have to worry about him cheating. So once I had calmed down after finding this out and we started to actually talk to see if this was something we could work through or not he basically just acted like what I did 2 days after I met him was a million times Worse than what he did. I could tell he felt a little bad but he just kept going back to how badly I hurt him in the beginning and that I really had no right to be this upset about him "only kissing someone". Whether he really only kissed her or not is hard to say but just the fact that He felt the need to seek someone out, spend time with them, and get to the point they did is so hurtful. I don't know what to do or what to think. I want to know an outsiders opinion as to whether he has any grounds to say that what I did was worse and that if we are going to try and work through anything that we need to address what I've done first and if we make it through that then we can address what he did. Any opinions or advice welcome!!! I'm so hurt, confused, and lost and don't know where to go from here.

Leave this guy immediately, he is already trying to railroad you and you are not even married yet, doesn't auger well for a long term relationship. If he cannot see that what he has done is equally as bad if not worse that what you did (you hadn't committed to each other then) then he is not long term relationship or marriage material. Tell him this and dump him, get a guy who can thing through things logically and is reasonable in doing so.
It also appears that he went out with the OW to hurt you, which suggests a very low level of maturity, and he didn't only kiss her, he went the whole way. Get rid of him if you so not want heartache in the future.
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post #7 of 10 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 09:49 PM
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Re: Needing opinions on my boyfriend cheating, please help!!

immature. He's lying. No kids, no marriage... move on.

As asked... how old are you two?

It's usually weeks or months before a couple goes "steady" / exclusive. More guys to date.

Supporting those who want to divorce or reconcile. Not every relationship is the same.
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post #8 of 10 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 11:55 PM
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Re: Needing opinions on my boyfriend cheating, please help!!

My opinion is that you two are toxic for each other and if you marry, it will soon end in divorce. You asked for opinions and this is mine. I have seen cheating partners marry before and it never lasted. People do not change and do not believe what a cheater says. They will always say nothing happened. Do you think they are going to give you a blow by blow description of what actually happened to make you feel better about it?

Many prefer to drown in a pool of their own morality rather than seek the safety of a different morality.
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post #9 of 10 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 05:23 AM
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Cool Re: Needing opinions on my boyfriend cheating, please help!!

Neither of you are loyal enough to each other for a loving relationship to ever exist!

Please keep in mind that true love entails total fidelity and utmost trust, something that neither of you really seem to have at the moment!

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

My Story! http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-t...andonment.html
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post #10 of 10 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 11:12 PM
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Re: Needing opinions on my boyfriend cheating, please help!!

I would say to end the relationship, of course this is entirely up to you. However, I think it is more then just the cheating. You said you felt a deep connection to Andrew, yet slept with someone else even though it doesn't sound like you were both exclusive to each other. It sounds to me that happened two weeks later. Then your boyfriend cheats and said yours is worse. I think he has some deep character flaws, possibly even to the extent of being a narcissist. So my advice is to end it, walk away and learn from this.


Don't believe everything you hear, and only half of what you see.


Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift, that's why they call it the present.
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