Second Guessing Decision to Divorce - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
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post #16 of 72 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 08:33 AM
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Re: Second Guessing Decision to Divorce

Hi there... from one betrayed spouse to another ... keep moving FORWARD.

I am decided that I want to D too... but due to circumstances I need to wait 3 months before filing.
Anyway, if you have made it THIS FAR - PLEASE KEEP GOING!!!!
She has not put in all of the effort. and doesn't sound like she really begged when you left. You have a new girlfriend...enjoy it.

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post #17 of 72 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 12:42 PM
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Re: Second Guessing Decision to Divorce

You should of made a statement when you posted your new FB pic. You should have explained that you two have been trying to R for the past two years due to her infidelity. That she was not willing to come clean about it all and you where tired of going around in circles.

I would still post this. It also sounds like you didn't expose the affair as well.
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post #18 of 72 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 12:55 PM
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Re: Second Guessing Decision to Divorce

Quote:
Originally Posted by Secondguessing View Post
I really want to call her and try to reconcile again
Oh god.... whatever you do, DO NOT DO THIS.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Secondguessing View Post
Has anyone gone through this?
No, I was smart enough to file immediately when I found out it went physical. Exactly because I didn't want to end up like you.

Your head is f***ed up from the two years you spent waffling around in unremorseful spouse limbo reconciliation hell.

Don't be a fool and rip the wound wide open again. Amputate the dead limb and be done with it. It didn't work, move FORWARD.

“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” - Maya Angelou
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post #19 of 72 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 01:03 PM
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Re: Second Guessing Decision to Divorce

Quote:
Originally Posted by honcho View Post
You've started moving on from the affair only because you have removed the trigger, your stbx. If you go back and try to repair your marriage most likely the anger and obsession will return. How much did your stbx try and repair the marriage in the first attempt at R?

Losing assets/alimony sucks and it's all part of divorce however the longer you stay married the more it costs to end it. At some point you need to decide to cut your losses.


Dont do it.

Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.

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post #20 of 72 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 01:38 PM
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Re: Second Guessing Decision to Divorce

Reconcile:

Reconcile if there are "only" three people left in the world. You, your WW and her POSOM.

You reconcile with her, you tie POSOM up. His nose to his toes, his peter to a tree. You perch him on a sharp rock, ten feet out on a board over a 200 ft gorge.

The rock must sharp enough to cut his feet if he squirms.

Oh, I forgot about the honey in his hair and the ants heading down the board, following the Fructose trail up his leg and toward his ears.

This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out.

The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall... Saved from harm by my friends.
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post #21 of 72 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 01:59 PM
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Re: Second Guessing Decision to Divorce

What is to go back to? She shuts down because she can not be transparent. Why?

She has lied to you about the AP and can't remember all her lies. You pilot a plane, she is co-pilot,

her duties are just as important as yours. She just dropped all your fuel and you are over the

Pacific. Want to ride with her again? She showed you who she really was... believe her!!!

You can not love without trust, well you can but it is a very unhealthy love.

Be the best dad you can, work on and treat yourself. Get at LEAST 50 /50 custody.

What amount child support will you have to pay? Why will you have to pay vaginamony?

A-Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
B-We know what we are, but know not what we may be
C-Never make the person in your present pay for the sins committed by people from your past
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post #22 of 72 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 02:04 PM
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Re: Second Guessing Decision to Divorce

Sometimes there isn't really a good choice, just a host of bad ones. And then we have to decide which is the 'least bad' for us.

It sounds like D is the least bad choice for you. Sure, it will hit you financially. That is almost universally true, but what other real choice do you have?

My advice is to face it like a man - accept that there is a cost to everything and this is the cost of starting a new life away from a toxic cheater.
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post #23 of 72 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 02:20 PM
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Re: Second Guessing Decision to Divorce

First off, she dropped you like a hot rock when she found out you were dating.
I guess only she deserved two lovers.

Secondly, people defriended you because they thought you cheated on your wife. How come they don't know about her adultery being the reason for you divorcing her? Makes you look bad and too timid to take up for yourself.
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post #24 of 72 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 02:37 PM
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Re: Second Guessing Decision to Divorce

Whatever you do, please break up with your girlfriend.

Tell her it has nothing to do with her, you just never got over your wife and it was a mistake to get involved with someone new and it's unfair to her.

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Why will you have to pay vaginamony?
Because, um, it's the LAW?
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post #25 of 72 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 03:03 PM
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Re: Second Guessing Decision to Divorce

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Whatever you do, please break up with your girlfriend.

Tell her it has nothing to do with her, you just never got over your wife and it was a mistake to get involved with someone new and it's unfair to her.



Because, um, it's the LAW?
Cute.......... again OP why are you having to pay "alimony" .... was she a SAHM?


A-Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
B-We know what we are, but know not what we may be
C-Never make the person in your present pay for the sins committed by people from your past
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post #26 of 72 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 05:04 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Second Guessing Decision to Divorce

Thanks everyone for the responses - its really what I wanted hear. Keep moving forward and don't try to reconcile again. I know that's the correct course. I wanted to hear it though and I heard it. But I'm definitely depressed. I keep waking up at like 3 am and can't get back to sleep. I'm not eating. Just after D-Day, I also couldn't eat or sleep but I had a frantic kind of energy that was almost pleasant. Now I just have no energy. I'm thinking about anti-depressants.

Quote:
Secondly, people defriended you because they thought you cheated on your wife. How come they don't know about her adultery being the reason for you divorcing her? Makes you look bad and too timid to take up for yourself.
I told everyone in my family but telling neighbors would probably humiliate my daughters. And honestly, I don't really give a **** what they think.

Quote:
again OP why are you having to pay "alimony" .... was she a SAHM?
For part of the marriage she was. Before the marriage, she had no degree and a crap job. I helped her while she was working on her degree - not financially; she got loans and financial aid - but with things like driving her to school, picking up the kids. Just after D-Day, I was going to leave but I stuck around until she got her degree and landed a job. Now she makes about as much as I do and her earning potential is much greater. I won't be paying spousal support forever, its just that I don't want to pay any. It just doesn't seem right.
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post #27 of 72 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 05:07 PM
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Re: Second Guessing Decision to Divorce

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Originally Posted by Secondguessing View Post
For part of the marriage she was. Before the marriage, she had no degree and a crap job. I helped her while she was working on her degree - not financially; she got loans and financial aid - but with things like driving her to school, picking up the kids. Just after D-Day, I was going to leave but I stuck around until she got her degree and landed a job. Now she makes about as much as I do and her earning potential is much greater. I won't be paying spousal support forever, its just that I don't want to pay any. It just doesn't seem right.
It's not.

And based on the above, you might not have to.

Child support, though, will be another matter entirely.

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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post #28 of 72 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 05:17 PM
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Re: Second Guessing Decision to Divorce

Have you seen anyone to try and get your head back into the state it should be? You sound to me like you tend to look at the glass as half empty. Anti depressants might be a short term fix, but you really need to get counseling and figure out why you always have to look at the dark side.

That said whatever you do, DO NOT get back with her. Like others have said, she doesn't want to fight for you, so why would you go crawling back??

People don't get a free pass to cheat just because their marriage sucks.

Our R
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post #29 of 72 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 07:36 PM
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Re: Second Guessing Decision to Divorce

I've been divorced since mid-May of last year. My XW had a very long EA (probable PA) with her "friend" from work.

Luckily, my ex didn't do any vindictive $#it or come after my money. Even with that, I struggle financially. I purchased a town home in a high cost suburb. There have been times that I couldn't afford things my boys wanted.

Honestly, it has been difficult for my boys. Our marriage lasted 17 years.

All that said, IT FEELS SO GOOD to not have to worry or wonder what she's up to.

I have a GF. When we see each other, there's a lot of getting busy, but it's not the same.

At times, I miss her and the way our family used to be. When those times happen, all I do is pull out my phone and look at the screen shot of the email from her "friend" saying how bad he wants to kiss her. Then, I look at a family pic taken THE VERY NEXT DAY and think "ahhh - I'm over being sad." The sadness sort of turns into anger, then I remember why we divorced. Then, I think of my freedom and my open future. Then, I go back to being awesome.

The end.

Not sure if that trick is healthy, but it works for me.
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post #30 of 72 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 07:41 PM
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Re: Second Guessing Decision to Divorce

I guess you could say we had a false R for 3 years. Those 3 years SUCKED!

Time should heal your wounds, friend. Stay strong. Don't consider going back. It's not worth it.
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