Do cheaters always cheat again? - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 89 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 08:34 AM Thread Starter
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Do cheaters always cheat again?

So do cheaters always cheat again? Do you believe the saying "once a cheater, always a cheater". Why or why not? Personal experience?

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post #2 of 89 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 08:41 AM
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Re: Do cheaters always cheat again?

I had multiple affairs before and during my first marriage. I left for an AP and have been faithful to him for 17 years. I have a few friends that were unfaithful during youthful marriages and who are faithful to their current spouses or SO's. I know others that have been married 3,4, or even 5 times and cheated during each of their marriages. I think some people are situational cheaters and others are just incapable of being faithful regardless of their situation.

Follow the evidence where it leads and question everything.
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post #3 of 89 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 08:56 AM
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Re: Do cheaters always cheat again?

I don't believe in the saying once a cheater, always a cheater, or even a leopard can't change their spots. People can change, people can be less then desirable and then be a role model. The exception to this rule is a narcissist. People make bad choices, are fallible, and can become better people. I don't feel that ones life is defined by infidelity, capable yes, but I don't think it's their defining moment in life. How they handle the adversity before them may be a defining moment though.

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post #4 of 89 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 08:57 AM
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Re: Do cheaters always cheat again?

A cheater cheats first on themselves and then like a ripple, affects all in the area around them... nothing left untouched.

Those that do not learn from the chaos it does to self and others, are doomed to repeat it.

I wouldn't have married my present wife and and lived a near 3 decade relationship if I thought she hadn't learned from her past (no, not with me but was fully aware of a previous situation she had placed herself in).

I had no such confidence in my ex before her to ever offer such an opportunity as reconciliation.

Sometimes you simply read the tea leaves and know...
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post #5 of 89 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 08:59 AM
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Re: Do cheaters always cheat again?

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Originally Posted by adegirl2016 View Post
So do cheaters always cheat again?
My exwife certainly did....

Sloots gonna sloot.

“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” - Maya Angelou
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post #6 of 89 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 09:34 AM
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Re: Do cheaters always cheat again?

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A cheater cheats first on themselves and then like a ripple, affects all in the area around them... nothing left untouched.

Those that do not learn from the chaos it does to self and others, are doomed to repeat it.
I think this is an excellent point by Buddhist.

Although I was in an open relationship with my last partner, I cheated by lying about my true feelings towards OM and about sleeping with OM in the beginning.

After that relationship blew up and spending some time on TAM, only then was I truly able to grasp the magnitude of what I had done. I've had a chance to sincerely apologise to both and admit the many errors of my ways. And try to impress upon them that what I did was terrible and they should not have let it slide so easily. That they did themselves a disservice by not making me suffer the consequences of my actions.

I cannot fathom the possibility of cheating again. I've come such a long way in the way I relate to cheating and relationships in general.
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post #7 of 89 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 09:38 AM
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Re: Do cheaters always cheat again?

@MJJEAN and @drifting on

Explained it pretty accurate.

In many cases, yes. Once a cheater always.

I know several people that learned their lesson and changed though.

My wife cheated in both her marriages before meeting me and was the OW twice.

She has been a model for sexual fidelity with me however.

Both her previous husbands cheated on her first and both men she was the OW for were men in positions of power over her.

I am both a powerful, physically mentally, and faithful man.

I believe she was weak when faced with corrupt, powerful men and when faced with weak, cheating men.

I would hope she has changed and grown to the point where she would not make those choices again regardless of me being in her life or not.

With me, she is a very faithful woman.
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post #8 of 89 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 09:39 AM
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Re: Do cheaters always cheat again?

Depends on the cheater.

Many do. I'll stop short of saying most because no one really knows, and it's not like there are any statistics out there that can be trusted.

Still, I'm of the opinion that most do.

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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post #9 of 89 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 09:39 AM
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Re: Do cheaters always cheat again?

In the cases that I'm fairly sure of, one cheater only did it once, the other multiple times.

I think there is a lot of range in why people cheat and what they feel at the time, so the odds of a repeat vary.


If someone cheats because they are missing something in their marriage, and that lack continues, they will likely do so again.
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post #10 of 89 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 09:41 AM
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Re: Do cheaters always cheat again?

No, I do not believe that cheaters are destined to cheat again. Many do, but many learn a lesson and fix what was broken in themselves to allow that to happen. Unfortunately, they ALL say they will never do it again and it can be nearly impossible to figure out which ones are sincere and which ones are not.

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post #11 of 89 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 09:43 AM
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Re: Do cheaters always cheat again?

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Originally Posted by adegirl2016 View Post
So do cheaters always cheat again? Do you believe the saying "once a cheater, always a cheater". Why or why not? Personal experience?
Many do. But being sure that your WS never cheated again; is sort of like having to do an autopsy to confirm Alzheimer's. You won't know for sure, until you or your cheating spouse are on your respective death beds.

And even then, there may be some small amount of doubt.

Last edited by badmemory; 03-07-2017 at 09:54 AM.
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post #12 of 89 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 09:48 AM
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Re: Do cheaters always cheat again?

In my ex's case, yes. I believe he's incapable of being faithful. He cheated during dating and marriage. I also found out he cheated during our engagement and on many of his girlfriends before me. Also, during the time (that I know of) of his cheating he was also on websites and/or groups called married, but looking. Why I didn't leave 15+ years ago I'll never know. Can't dwell on that anymore. I have to stay positive!
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post #13 of 89 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 09:55 AM
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Re: Do cheaters always cheat again?

Which is more likely to happen in the future:

Something that has never happened before or something that has happened before?
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post #14 of 89 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 10:00 AM
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Re: Do cheaters always cheat again?

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Originally Posted by Keke24 View Post
I cannot fathom the possibility of cheating again. I've come such a long way in the way I relate to cheating and relationships in general.
This is the happiness you see and the smile reflected back to you from your inner mirror, pleased in the growth you have fought to become when you leave that which hurts you, within you.

Namaste...
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post #15 of 89 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 10:03 AM
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Re: Do cheaters always cheat again?

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Originally Posted by Graywolf2 View Post
Which is more likely to happen in the future:

Something that has never happened before or something that has happened before?
I get that reasoning but when I was a teen, I disrespected my grandfather once.

I would drink fire before behaving that way towards a loved one again.
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