Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone..... - Page 10 - Talk About Marriage
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post #136 of 183 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 04:31 PM
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Re: Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone.....

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Originally Posted by naiveonedave View Post
Cheating has nothing to do with the relationship. If you want out, file D, separate, dump you BF/GF. Cheating = low moral character.
You speak way too generally to be even remotely accurate. Then you try to support your incorrect generalization with an unrelated statement "If you want out then leave" as if that somehow correlates with the point you're trying to make. Then you add that all cheaters have low moral character which is of course even more general and even more wrong than your first generalization.

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Originally Posted by naiveonedave View Post
read enough stories on here to see that many/most of the cheaters are ok or better in their relationship with their BS...
Then you finish off with "many or most" cheaters are ok or better in their relationship which of course is not "all" which totally undermines your statements above it because it says you accept that there are at least "some" who are in bad relationships when they cheat.

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post #137 of 183 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 04:36 PM
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Re: Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone.....

Run!! (Seriously, don't marry her. She's proven that she's a liar, and you'll just end up marrying...a liar)

Every now and then, you fall in love with the most unexpected person at the most unexpected time. - unknown

I'm newly married
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post #138 of 183 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 04:48 PM
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Re: Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone.....

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Originally Posted by browser View Post
You speak way too generally to be even remotely accurate. Then you add that all cheaters have low moral character which is of course even more general and even more wrong than your first generalization.
.

Chris Rock had a funny line in one of his comedy acts:

There's a reason to kick an old man down a flight of stairs. JUST DON'T DO IT!

You can post here a million different reasons to cheat. You can post novels on why a cheater doesn't have low moral character. You can white knight that all cheaters aren't bad people doing really bad things- they just made mistakes.

Bottom line for cheating, quoting Chris Rock - JUST DON'T DO IT.

We protect ourselves from lies,
By fanatically holding to our own truths.
But when our truths turn to fanaticism,
Our truths become the Lie.
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post #139 of 183 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 04:59 PM
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Re: Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone.....

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If she hasn't called or messaged you since Monday guess who is comforting her.She know you finally wised up to her and has threw in the towel.Do yourself a favour and never contact her again,a women like this Just screws you up for every other woman you may meet.
... And then he finds out from someone else that hecwas advised by a friend or family member to give him space and let him decide if he wants to call/text/meet to talk. Meanwhile, she is sitting at home, upset that she damn near (or probably did) screwed things up because of something said over a year ago, and long forgotten until a couple days ago.

But, it's easier to assume the worst, right?

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post #140 of 183 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 05:06 PM
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Re: Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone.....

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... And then he finds out from someone else that hecwas advised by a friend or family member to give him space and let him decide if he wants to call/text/meet to talk. Meanwhile, she is sitting at home, upset that she damn near (or probably did) screwed things up because of something said over a year ago, and long forgotten until a couple days ago.

But, it's easier to assume the worst, right?

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Well maybe before she so generously and selflessly gave him the space that he didn't ask for she could have gave an explanation as to why she was planning on sleeping with an ex bf if her current bf had done the decent thing and went home instead of having the audacity to fall asleep on his girlfriends couch.
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post #141 of 183 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 05:16 PM
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Re: Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone.....

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Well maybe before she so generously and selflessly gave him the space that he didn't ask for she could have gave an explanation as to why she was planning on sleeping with an ex bf if her current bf had done the decent thing and went home instead of having the audacity to fall asleep on his girlfriends couch.
Maybe she could have. And maybe he could have stayed at the apartment for her to tell him exactly what you suggested... But he didn't. He left to "calm down", as he said. I don't blame him for leaving at all. But he could have stayed, even if he didn't believe a word she said.

But my point was that you assume, like others here, that she ran straight to the ex, rather than best friend/sister/cousin/aunt/etc., saying she royally screwed up and doesn't know what to do to try to fix it. Explaining what she did, his reaction... And then having them tell her to let him calm down and decide if/when he wants to talk to her. Funny... That same advice has been given to cheaters on here... to let the betrayed partner decide when to talk about what happened. But, this is clearly different, right? Because...?? Oh. It really isn't any different.

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post #142 of 183 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 05:18 PM
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Re: Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone.....

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Originally Posted by *Deidre* View Post
Run!! (Seriously, don't marry her. She's proven that she's a liar, and you'll just end up marrying...a liar)
I love this......

It's good to laugh. It like someone blurting out something on impulse. But this is so true.

Thanks Deidre.
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post #143 of 183 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 05:30 PM
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Re: Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone.....

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Agree with all of the above except that "cheating has nothing to do with the relationship".

Sometimes, it's completely unrelated. More often there are problems that led to the cheating. I know this is when people chime in and say "cheating is never the betrayed partner's fault!"

I tend to disagree with that statement. Not always, but often enough.
So would that make murder justifiable because "there were problems" that led to the murder?
The ultimate decision to cheat was made by her. There is no action that justifies that decision. Get a divorce if you are that miserable, don't cheat first, that's cowardly.
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post #144 of 183 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 05:31 PM
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Re: Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone.....

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Maybe she could have. And maybe he could have stayed at the apartment for her to tell him exactly what you suggested... But he didn't. He left to "calm down", as he said. I don't blame him for leaving at all. But he could have stayed, even if he didn't believe a word she said.

But my point was that you assume, like others here, that she ran straight to the ex, rather than best friend/sister/cousin/aunt/etc., saying she royally screwed up and doesn't know what to do to try to fix it. Explaining what she did, his reaction... And then having them tell her to let him calm down and decide if/when he wants to talk to her. Funny... That same advice has been given to cheaters on here... to let the betrayed partner decide when to talk about what happened. But, this is clearly different, right? Because...?? Oh. It really isn't any different.

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You are trying to make it sound like the op read the texts and then stormed out and you are wrong.He asked her straight away what was going on and she tried to find out exactly what he had read but in his own words he remained silent.She then initially said she refused to discuss it,then she started gaslighting him about plane tickets and then said he wasn't giving her enough attention at the time.She can say what she wants but the one unmitigated truth in this sorry story is she texted an ex boyfriend to explain why she couldn't meet him because her current boyfriend was asleep on her couch as well as other explicit messages which the op hasn't shared with us.
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post #145 of 183 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 05:36 PM
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Re: Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone.....

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So would that make murder justifiable because "there were problems" that led to the murder?
The ultimate decision to cheat was made by her. There is no action that justifies that decision. Get a divorce if you are that miserable, don't cheat first, that's cowardly.
I will assume your comment is directed at my post:

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Originally Posted by browser View Post
Agree with all of the above except that "cheating has nothing to do with the relationship".

Sometimes, it's completely unrelated. More often there are problems that led to the cheating. I know this is when people chime in and say "cheating is never the betrayed partner's fault!"

I tend to disagree with that statement. Not always, but often enough.
To that end I will respond to your suggestion that I somehow justify or condone cheating.

Nothing could be further from the truth. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to make that clarification.

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post #146 of 183 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 05:47 PM
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Re: Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone.....

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You are trying to make it sound like the op read the texts and then stormed out and you are wrong.He asked her straight away what was going on and she tried to find out exactly what he had read but in his own words he remained silent.She then initially said she refused to discuss it,then she started gaslighting him about plane tickets and then said he wasn't giving her enough attention at the time.She can say what she wants but the one unmitigated truth in this sorry story is she texted an ex boyfriend to explain why she couldn't meet him because her current boyfriend was asleep on her couch.
Sigh...No, Andy, I am not. All I said is that HE stated he had to leave to calm down. I DO NOT BLAME HIM ONE BIT FOR DOING THAT. The ONLY thing I am disagreeing with you on is the ASSUMPTION that she ran straight to the ex. YOU do not know she did. *I* do not know that she did. The ONLY thing known is that NEITHER has contacted the other. And my GUESS is that it is because they are BOTH getting the same advice... let the other make the first move to contact.

But, thank you, SO MUCH, for telling me what I am saying (about which, you are wrong, btw).

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post #147 of 183 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 06:16 PM
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Re: Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone.....

The thing is you have no idea if they finally go together after she accused you of playing watch dog to her ex.

Is she still in contact with her ex?

With her holding off to see what you knew looks like she is still in contact with her ex. She only went as far as she had to in telling the truth.

I wouldn't trust her in this. I don't think you have the whole truth.
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post #148 of 183 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 06:28 PM
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Re: Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone.....

he could ask for her phone logs and check to see if she is in contact with him after those that date.
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post #149 of 183 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 07:36 PM
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Re: Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone.....

Just ask for her current phone and check the deleted texts. That will give you your answer.

However, in my opinion the is no reason to do this - you already know who she is. When people say "once a cheater always a cheater" they don't mean the cheater will always cheat, but it does mean that the cheater has proven themselves capable of cheating, which is justification enough to end the relationship before you end up paying alimony.

I agree with others, do not contact her. The onus is on her if she wants to come clean and do something to try to save the relationship. If she can't be bothered, why should you?
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post #150 of 183 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 08:17 PM
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Re: Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone.....

She's got a jealousy problem which might lead to a troubled marriage.
You're in couples counseling before you're even married, because you anticipate a troubled marriage.
She was planning on cheating on you, which would lead to a very troubled marriage.

Conclusion? Don't get married. Let her down easy just to avoid drama and hurt.
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