Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone..... - Page 11 - Talk About Marriage
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post #151 of 183 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 09:15 PM
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Re: Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone.....

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I love this......

It's good to laugh. It like someone blurting out something on impulse. But this is so true.

Thanks Deidre.
YW

It is true. If someone is lying to you before you're married to him/her, there's really no point in going forward into marriage with that person.


Every now and then, you fall in love with the most unexpected person at the most unexpected time. - unknown

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post #152 of 183 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 09:17 PM
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Re: Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone.....

Look man, 18% of all future earnings is a big risk when you already know the person is a liar. You already went through this once. People show you their character. Granted yours needs some work too. But usually that doesn't change late in life. There are plenty of fish in the sea. Some of them are just open and honest.
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post #153 of 183 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 10:21 PM
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Re: Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone.....

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... And then he finds out from someone else that hecwas advised by a friend or family member to give him space and let him decide if he wants to call/text/meet to talk. Meanwhile, she is sitting at home, upset that she damn near (or probably did) screwed things up because of something said over a year ago, and long forgotten until a couple days ago.

But, it's easier to assume the worst, right?
Based on her track record?

It's not an assumption -- it's an educated guess.

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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post #154 of 183 (permalink) Old 03-09-2017, 05:20 AM
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Re: Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone.....

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Based on her track record?

It's not an assumption -- it's an educated guess.
For that matter, based in his track record? In her shoes, I would be concerned that he would lie to me about important things, since he had already proven he can lie about what some consider insignificant. See how that works? Call it an "assumption", call it an "educated guess". The point is they BOTH are not ready to marry, and they should not stay together. I am just not quick to jump to the conclusion that she ran straight to the ex. Maybe she did, maybe she didn't. Whether she contacts him first or vice versa, they should talk, and part ways. JMO

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post #155 of 183 (permalink) Old 03-09-2017, 06:05 AM
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Re: Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone.....

See and this is why you two break up. She carries baggage from your lie, as you see from the comments her lie is worse to many, you now carry baggage from her lie. I know there are different types of counseling, like pre-marriage, but when it is one where you are finding serious flaws I never understand why those two people get married.
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post #156 of 183 (permalink) Old 03-09-2017, 06:14 AM
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Re: Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone.....

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For that matter, based in his track record? In her shoes, I would be concerned that he would lie to me about important things, since he had already proven he can lie about what some consider insignificant. See how that works? Call it an "assumption", call it an "educated guess". The point is they BOTH are not ready to marry, and they should not stay together. I am just not quick to jump to the conclusion that she ran straight to the ex. Maybe she did, maybe she didn't. Whether she contacts him first or vice versa, they should talk, and part ways. JMO

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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post #157 of 183 (permalink) Old 03-09-2017, 06:29 AM
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Re: Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone.....

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For that matter, based in his track record? In her shoes, I would be concerned that he would lie to me about important things, since he had already proven he can lie about what some consider insignificant. See how that works? Call it an "assumption", call it an "educated guess". The point is they BOTH are not ready to marry, and they should not stay together. I am just not quick to jump to the conclusion that she ran straight to the ex. Maybe she did, maybe she didn't. Whether she contacts him first or vice versa, they should talk, and part ways. JMO
Or as Gus asked in post #32, why would we bother haggling about who dumps who?
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post #158 of 183 (permalink) Old 03-09-2017, 07:38 AM
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Re: Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone.....

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You hurt her because you lied about sourcing plane tickets ... She was doing it for attention ...

Typical cheater MO, blame it on anything but your own choices.
She is not worth the risk.

Oh she says "We were in a bad place", "I was mad at you about FILL IN THE BLANK", "You were ignoring me"...

Hmmm... "I know what to do... cheat on you with old BF"

But, you got a glimpse at the future. Think this logic will never happen after you are married, think again.

I guess it comes down to a simple choice, really. Get busy living or get busy dying... Andy, Shawshank Redemption.
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post #159 of 183 (permalink) Old 03-09-2017, 08:35 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone.....

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For that matter, based in his track record? In her shoes, I would be concerned that he would lie to me about important things, since he had already proven he can lie about what some consider insignificant. See how that works? Call it an "assumption", call it an "educated guess". The point is they BOTH are not ready to marry, and they should not stay together. I am just not quick to jump to the conclusion that she ran straight to the ex. Maybe she did, maybe she didn't. Whether she contacts him first or vice versa, they should talk, and part ways. JMO

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Again, I did immediately confessed to what I had done, showed all emails including those with my friend, and even gave her the phone number to her if she wanted to verify the story. You are right in that I shouldn't have lied in the first place, but I did confess and was forthcoming with all information.

Secondly, You are all right in that we shouldn't get married. The information I discovered on the phone was not confessed or presented to me before my marriage proposal to her. I know for a fact that if I had done the same thing to her A) She wouldn't have accepted my proposal B) She would have probably tried to hurt me in some way

Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth. - Arthur Conan Doyle

Truth of the matter is this: I admitted my lie immediately, and as stated before it was over some insignificant. @Maricha: you stated that you would be concerned "that he would lie to me about important things, since he had already proven he can lie about what some consider insignificant". I can see your point, but I also counter that I immediately confessed and presented all evidence to verify the transaction.

My question to you is this: Should I not be concerned about this thing she has withheld that is major?
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post #160 of 183 (permalink) Old 03-09-2017, 08:36 AM
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Re: Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone.....

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My question to you is this: Should I not be concerned about this thing she has withheld that is major?
you betcha!


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post #161 of 183 (permalink) Old 03-09-2017, 08:52 AM
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Re: Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone.....

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Again, I did immediately confessed to what I had done, showed all emails including those with my friend, and even gave her the phone number to her if she wanted to verify the story. You are right in that I shouldn't have lied in the first place, but I did confess and was forthcoming with all information.

Secondly, You are all right in that we shouldn't get married. The information I discovered on the phone was not confessed or presented to me before my marriage proposal to her. I know for a fact that if I had done the same thing to her A) She wouldn't have accepted my proposal B) She would have probably tried to hurt me in some way

Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth. - Arthur Conan Doyle

Truth of the matter is this: I admitted my lie immediately, and as stated before it was over some insignificant. @Maricha: you stated that you would be concerned "that he would lie to me about important things, since he had already proven he can lie about what some consider insignificant". I can see your point, but I also counter that I immediately confessed and presented all evidence to verify the transaction.

My question to you is this: Should I not be concerned about this thing she has withheld that is major?
You absolutely SHOULD be concerned about that. I have not argued that you shouldn't in ANY way. The only thing I have said, in that respect, is don't jump to the CONCLUSION that she went there, and is still there. Did she? Maybe, maybe not. I explained what COULD have occurred, based on how my friends/family And, yes, even my own husband, would handle it... give the other party space, time to calm down. EHuntIMF, you said it yourself, that you needed to calm down that day. I think that was a good decision, fwiw. And it stands to reason she may think you need the time to figure out what YOU want to do. That would be following YOUR lead.

Yes, I understand you confessed right away and presented all the evidence. You still lied. And it would still make me question other things that you might lie about.

Anyway, whether she calls you or you call her, just get it over with. Tell her you don't think you are a good match, in light of alk of this, and go your separate ways.

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post #162 of 183 (permalink) Old 03-09-2017, 08:55 AM
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Re: Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone.....

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My question to you is this: Should I not be concerned about this thing she has withheld that is major?

Oh HELL YEAH....we are not even close to comparing apple to oranges we are talking about apples to watermelons

what you do from here will dictate the foundation of your relationship with her, either in your life or out of your life...and since she had choose not to reach out to you in any manner to further help you understand she had not cross the lines speaks volumes......i would suggest that perhaps she knows she has and if you come back to her and you work thing out....then she has the upper hand in the relationship. in other words you can not live without her she can live with out you
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post #163 of 183 (permalink) Old 03-09-2017, 10:52 AM
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Re: Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone.....

He lied, she lied, they both lied.... We get it!!!!

Sheezus!....Just break up wit her man and move on!
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post #164 of 183 (permalink) Old 03-09-2017, 11:51 AM
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Re: Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone.....

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Should I not be concerned about this thing she has withheld that is major?
I wouldn't be concerned about it, per se. I'd instead simply accept it as truth and use it to steel my resolve to be done with her.

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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post #165 of 183 (permalink) Old 03-09-2017, 12:07 PM
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Re: Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone.....

I don't think it matters at all if she went there or not. She was going to. You sleeping on the couch was the only thing stopping her. She doesn't even deny that and already had a justification for why it would have been your fault if she did it. At minimum, she had an emotional affair with her ex while dating you. You said this is a hard deal breaker. Now's the time to enact it.
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