Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone..... - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
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post #31 of 183 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 10:53 AM
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Re: Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone.....

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Originally Posted by GusPolinski View Post
LOL.

It's great and she's awesome.

That's why she's sexting exes.



OP, roughly two seconds worth of actually thinking about this will have you realizing that she didn't stop at sexting.

Oh and BTW...

Have you looked at her current phone as well?
Personally, I would like to know more about why he lied about his FEMALE FRIEND actually getting the tickets. But, apparently, that isn't NEARLY as important to some people here. Fiancee didn't care that he went, didn't care when it was thought it was solely the cousin... But he felt the need to lie about his FEMALE friend doing it? Hmmmm...

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post #32 of 183 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 10:55 AM
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Re: Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone.....

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Originally Posted by Maricha75 View Post
Personally, I would like to know more about why he lied about his FEMALE FRIEND actually getting the tickets. But, apparently, that isn't NEARLY as important to some people here. Fiancee didn't care that he went, didn't care when it was thought it was solely the cousin... But he felt the need to lie about his FEMALE friend doing it? Hmmmm...
So now we're haggling about who should dump who?

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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post #33 of 183 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 10:57 AM
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Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone.....

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Originally Posted by GusPolinski View Post
LOL.



It's great and she's awesome.



That's why she's sexting exes.







OP, roughly two seconds worth of actually thinking about this will have you realizing that she didn't stop at sexting.



Oh and BTW...



Have you looked at her current phone as well?


A clean current phone tells him little. Either she is not cheating or she is but cleaned the phone.

But by chance there is incriminating texts on the current phone, he should know what to do.


It's easy to laugh at someone suffering and asking for advice.
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post #34 of 183 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 10:59 AM
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Re: Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone.....

Get to rejection quickly. Don't waste your valuable time on a poor prospect. She has proven she has the capability to cheat, and she has proven she will shift the blame onto you. There is nothing in what she has said or done which indicates she understands how wrong it was to do what she did. There is good reason to believe she could have cheated many times already but you just have not detected it.

If you were looking to buy something expensive and it had that kind of bad history you would not buy it. The risk of failure is high with this one.

You could choose to spend more years with her and hope it works out ok. Those would be years of your life you can never get back.

Your choice. Cut your losses now and move on to a better life, or stay with this one while hoping she doesn't cheat again.
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post #35 of 183 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 11:03 AM
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Re: Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone.....

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So now we're haggling about who should dump who?
Not at all. I am not suggesting either one of them dumping the other. I'm saying maybe we should shut up and he should explain why he LIED to her about the girl who got the tickets. Why would you lie about something like that, if there is nothing to hide? But, it's much easier for him to just put everything in his fiancee, because he saw texts on her old phone, from when they were in a bad place in the relationship, yes? Do I condone explicit texts with her ex? Hell no! But I also don't condone the lying in the first place. And without having the WHOLE picture, I am not quick to jump on the "dump her/him" bandwagon, either. But, what do I know? Maybe that is why he posted in the first place? He knew he would get the "dump her" advice right away, while downplaying what he did in the first place... and he would feel validated in the decision he already made.

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post #36 of 183 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 11:05 AM
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Re: Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone.....

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^this^. what is the rush! keep engaged, delay the marriage for a good couple years, and see how it all works out. IF it is to be, it will become obvious over the next year or so.
Yes, this is fair.

But only if your heart is bound to her. If you truly love this women.

If not, then risk not.

If she has been a good partner the last year or so, then consider giving her a chance. She will step up, after this kerfuffle.....or she will not.

Me? I am risk averse when it comes to who I let in my heart.

This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out.

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post #37 of 183 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 11:06 AM
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Re: Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone.....

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That's you speaking not OP. My post was to him, not you, and for him to decide what he wants and where to draw the line.

We all get that you are against reconciliation under any circumstances.
With your thinking I am not surprised you are for it. He is not even married an you are having him stay with a cheater, this just shows her how she can treat him. But by all means OP follow this advice but don't be surprised when she cheats on you again when times get rough like they always do. Can't say you didn't know how she deals with rough times. When things get rough she doesn't talk to you she starts texting ex boyfriends. The perfect wife and mother.

BIB I would love to sell you this bridge I own in Brooklyn.

Last edited by sokillme; 03-07-2017 at 11:14 AM.
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post #38 of 183 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 11:10 AM
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Re: Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone.....

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Originally Posted by blueinbr View Post
A clean current phone tells him little. Either she is not cheating or she is but cleaned the phone.

But by chance there is incriminating texts on the current phone, he should know what to do.


It's easy to laugh at someone suffering and asking for advice.
He is laughing at how bad the advice is. Not OP.
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post #39 of 183 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 11:12 AM
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Re: Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone.....

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Not at all. I am not suggesting either one of them dumping the other. I'm saying maybe we should shut up and he should explain why he LIED to her about the girl who got the tickets. Why would you lie about something like that, if there is nothing to hide? But, it's much easier for him to just put everything in his fiancee, because he saw texts on her old phone, from when they were in a bad place in the relationship, yes? Do I condone explicit texts with her ex? Hell no! But I also don't condone the lying in the first place. And without having the WHOLE picture, I am not quick to jump on the "dump her/him" bandwagon, either. But, what do I know? Maybe that is why he posted in the first place? He knew he would get the "dump her" advice right away, while downplaying what he did in the first place... and he would feel validated in the decision he already made.

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It think it is quite obvious that neither one of these two should be marring anyone right now.
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post #40 of 183 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 11:18 AM
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Thumbs up Re: Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone.....

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Originally Posted by Maricha75 View Post
Not at all. I am not suggesting either one of them dumping the other. I'm saying maybe we should shut up and he should explain why he LIED to her about the girl who got the tickets. Why would you lie about something like that, if there is nothing to hide? But, it's much easier for him to just put everything in his fiancee, because he saw texts on her old phone, from when they were in a bad place in the relationship, yes? Do I condone explicit texts with her ex? Hell no! But I also don't condone the lying in the first place. And without having the WHOLE picture, I am not quick to jump on the "dump her/him" bandwagon, either. But, what do I know? Maybe that is why he posted in the first place? He knew he would get the "dump her" advice right away, while downplaying what he did in the first place... and he would feel validated in the decision he already made.

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I don't know but I'm guessing the comment about her pulling a knife out of his chest if he had done this gives us a hint.

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post #41 of 183 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 11:20 AM
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Re: Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone.....

If the current relationship has other issues as well, then its simple. Leave and move on. Why waste your life finding out exactly what happened.

OTOH if the current relationship is really great in other ways, then its at least worth considering finding ways to save it. Not everyone reacts the same way to infidelity. For some its a absolute relationship ender, for others it can be forgiven.




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Why's that?
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post #42 of 183 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 11:22 AM
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Re: Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone.....

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It think it is quite obvious that neither one of these two should be marring anyone right now.
On this, I would agree. My only concern is the "dump her" mentality, as if he did nothing wrong. The guy has been on TAM for about 6 years. He KNOWS not to lie to his girlfriend about something like that because, even if there was nothing to it, it APPEARS as if there is something there. And she would retaliate. And if there is a problem between the girlfriend and the friend, what is the usual advice given? I an not one to say "absolutely no OSF, ever". But, if there is a known issue, and you lie to your SO about something regarding that OSF, expect retaliation. And if you can't tell the truth about something as stupid as a plane ticket, then there is something seriously wrong in your relationship... And you shouldn't have proposed in the first place. But, if you think you can work things out after alk this, more power to you. Just both of you need to stop lying and hiding stuff. (That is for the OP, not you, sokillme). And I would advise a long engagement... minimum 1 year, preferably 2-3, to be certain.

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post #43 of 183 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 11:22 AM
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Re: Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone.....

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Originally Posted by Maricha75 View Post
Not at all. I am not suggesting either one of them dumping the other. I'm saying maybe we should shut up and he should explain why he LIED to her about the girl who got the tickets. Why would you lie about something like that, if there is nothing to hide? But, it's much easier for him to just put everything in his fiancee, because he saw texts on her old phone, from when they were in a bad place in the relationship, yes? Do I condone explicit texts with her ex? Hell no! But I also don't condone the lying in the first place. And without having the WHOLE picture, I am not quick to jump on the "dump her/him" bandwagon, either. But, what do I know? Maybe that is why he posted in the first place? He knew he would get the "dump her" advice right away, while downplaying what he did in the first place... and he would feel validated in the decision he already made.

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I was walking outside today. My daily jaunt.

On the sidewalk I saw a coin, it was heads up. It told me to be alert. To be aware of my surroundings. Danger may be near. OP is feeling this danger.

Then I flipped the coin over. Another face replaced the tail. It was a bust of Maricha. This side told me to be aware of [not my immediate surroundings], rather to be aware of the hidden clues on the edges of the coin.

The edges tell "The rest of the Story".

No man owns the total women. He owns the present woman, her past belongs to others.

On TAM....no man owns anything with regards to Women. They only own an explanation to women and it better be good one! !

This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out.

The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall... Saved from harm by my friends.
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post #44 of 183 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 11:24 AM
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Re: Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone.....

I don't agree that you should just dump and run. Nobody's perfect few of us are completely honest about everything, and the situation happened early in your relationship and they never did actually meet.

I advise you to put the wedding on indefinite hold and just see where things go. Of course keep your eyes open, maybe even plant a VAR in her car and see if she's got anything to say to anyone in your absence about that particular incident or anything else for that matter.

There is no good reason to rush into a marriage and lots of good reasons to be patient and just see where things go.
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post #45 of 183 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 11:36 AM
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Re: Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone.....

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I don't know but I'm guessing the comment about her pulling a knife out of his chest if he had done this gives us a hint.
Well, how often do we hear/read "if you cheat on me, I will kill you"?? 😛

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