Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone..... - Page 5 - Talk About Marriage
Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

User Tag List

 346Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #61 of 183 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 12:56 PM
Member
 
GusPolinski's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: TX, USA
Posts: 12,049
Re: Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone.....

Quote:
Originally Posted by browser View Post
Yeah @GusPolinski was LOLing at your supposedly poor advise while jumping to an irrational conclusion that she is currently sexting with other men and the ex boyfriend when nothing was stated to even remotely support that conclusion.
The LOL was indeed for what I'd consider poor advice.

As for the rest of it, all he has to do is to look at her current phone. But if nothing's there, what's to say she hasn't deleted it? She already knows he's looking.

And that, at last, is my point.

How does he trust what she says from here on out?

And what's the point in even trying? They're not married.


Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
GusPolinski is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #62 of 183 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 12:57 PM
Forum Supporter
 
blueinbr's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 6,023
Re: Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone.....

Quote:
Originally Posted by EHuntIMF View Post
Basically I lied because I didn't want to hear her mouth about another woman getting me a discount on plane tickets for superbowl weekend. Fiance' always came off as the jealous (possible violent type) so I took a chance and lied. I was wrong. I admitted I was wrong and owned up to it.


Everything else aside, why would you want to marry someone that gets violently jealous and so you have to hide things from her?

For most, that would filter out a potential spouse.

Unless you want to lose your pecker, fix your picker.
blueinbr is offline  
post #63 of 183 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 01:05 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 772
Re: Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone.....

OP,

Lying is dumb but sorry, lying about a plane ticket is a bit different than looking to bang an old boyfriend had you not fallen asleep. And the crap about you being in a bad place. ?? I guarantee you if you marry her, sometime in your marriage things will not be going great. And then what's her move??

Like you've been told, check all the cell phone bills and tell him she can take a poly to verify the night you fell asleep was not the only time they planned or did a hook up. Her reaction to your request will probably tell you all you need to know. She might be a different person but she can't erase history. And the machine could give a **** less about her being a different person. Its yes/no and truth or lie.

Your call. Either you verify or go blind trust. None of us can decide that for you.
straightshooter is online now  
 
post #64 of 183 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 01:06 PM
Member
 
Maricha75's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Michigan
Posts: 7,246
Re: Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone.....

Quote:
Originally Posted by EHuntIMF View Post
Basically I lied because I didn't want to hear her mouth about another woman getting me a discount on plane tickets for superbowl weekend. Fiance' always came off as the jealous (possible violent type) so I took a chance and lied. I was wrong. I admitted I was wrong and owned up to it.


Quote:
Originally Posted by EHuntIMF View Post
Actually she doesn't know my friend. To be honest the only reason my friend got involved was that we were getting the tickets the friday before the Superbowl and everything was sky high. I sent a mass email out to a group of friends to see if they had any discounts or cheaper options and she responded.

Simple transaction- She gave me the rate, my cousin called her and gave her the card number, and she sent both of us the itinerary. I actually hadn't spoken to her since I started dating my fiance just to keep peace.

I owned up to it and showed her the emails
So, you knew, or at least suspected, that a female friend *would* be a problem, and lied. Ok, that should have been a big red flag on your relationship at THAT point... that she is so jealous that you even having someone you consider to be a friend of the opposite sex would cause friction. But that is one thing.

You owned up to what you did. When did you tell her the truth, though? The way it was initially presented, it seemed she thought one thing, then it came out that it was something else. You get that, right? How long after did you come clean about it?

Honestly, regardless of how it all played out, you two are definitely not ready to marry. I'm not saying you could never marry her, but she has a lot to deal with, as you stated that the ex has some kind of hold over her. You knew that for how lobg, though? That should have told you, too, that she really isn't ready to marry... at least, not you, anyway.

IF you choose to stay in this relationship, you definitely need to do a LOT of talking about boundaries. You should see a counselor to help with this, too. Again, this is IF you choose to stay together. If not, I think you both could still benefit from counseling on your own.

If you choose to split, so be it. Just learn from this, and don't lie to the next one. No matter how jealous you think she may get. Telling the truth will SHOW you her true colors... which is what you want!

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G930A using Tapatalk

You can use the 2x4 without adding nails to it.
Maricha75 is online now  
post #65 of 183 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 01:13 PM
Member
 
ButtPunch's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,590
Re: Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone.....

Run for the hills bro. There is no better indicator of future behavior than past behavior.

Thank the good lord you aren't married with kids.

Count your blessings.

Don't date someone you have to lie to for her to be happy.
ButtPunch is offline  
post #66 of 183 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 01:14 PM
Moderator
 
lifeistooshort's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 6,364
Re: Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone.....

Quote:
Originally Posted by EHuntIMF View Post
Basically I lied because I didn't want to hear her mouth about another woman getting me a discount on plane tickets for superbowl weekend. Fiance' always came off as the jealous (possible violent type) so I took a chance and lied. I was wrong. I admitted I was wrong and owned up to it.
Are there other female friends she's not comfortable with?
lifeistooshort is online now  
post #67 of 183 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 01:15 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 1,216
Re: Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone.....

So your girlfriend is violently jealous and you need to lie to her about even emailing any females to keep the peace.
She tries to **** other guys when she feels she is not getting enough attention.
You seem genuinely scared of her when she loses her temper.
How do you know she didn't call her ex the next night after you slept on the couch and ****ed his brains out.
How do you know she still isn't.
What exactly are you getting out of this relationship.
Andy1001 is offline  
post #68 of 183 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 01:18 PM
Banned
 
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 1,456
Re: Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone.....

Quote:
Originally Posted by EHuntIMF View Post
Basically I lied because I didn't want to hear her mouth about another woman getting me a discount on plane tickets for superbowl weekend. Fiance' always came off as the jealous (possible violent type) so I took a chance and lied. I was wrong. I admitted I was wrong and owned up to it.
You lied to your fiancee, the woman you are about to commit to spending the rest of your life with, because you didn't want to "hear her mouth" and because she's the "jealous and possibly violent type".

Well alrighty then. I think it's time to start looking at photographers, and discussing the seating at your upcoming wedding.
browser is offline  
post #69 of 183 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 01:19 PM
Member
 
Maricha75's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Michigan
Posts: 7,246
Re: Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone.....

Quote:
Originally Posted by browser View Post
You lied to your fiancee, the woman you are about to commit to spending the rest of your life with, because you didn't want to "hear her mouth" and because she's the "jealous and possibly violent type".

Well alrighty then. I think it's time to start looking at photographers, and discussing the seating at your upcoming wedding.
My hero.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G930A using Tapatalk

You can use the 2x4 without adding nails to it.
Maricha75 is online now  
post #70 of 183 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 01:20 PM
Forum Supporter
 
blueinbr's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 6,023
Re: Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone.....

Quote:
Originally Posted by lifeistooshort View Post
Are there other female friends she's not comfortable with?


And does she have reason to be comfortable with the others?

In other words, have you given her reason to be jealous?

blueinbr is offline  
post #71 of 183 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 01:26 PM
Moderator
 
lifeistooshort's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 6,364
Re: Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone.....

Quote:
Originally Posted by blueinbr View Post
And does she have reason to be comfortable with the others?

In other words, have you given her reason to be jealous?
I tend to dislike the term "jealous" because it's often thrown around to shut down an appropriate conversation about inappropriate boundaries.

There can be times when one is just off the rails controlling, but most of the time it's about boundaries.

Spouse 1: Why are you having dinner alone with an opposite sex "friend"?

Spouse 2: you're just jealous.

Now it can't be discussed.
lifeistooshort is online now  
post #72 of 183 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 01:27 PM
Moderator
 
lifeistooshort's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 6,364
Re: Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone.....

Quote:
Originally Posted by browser View Post
You lied to your fiancee, the woman you are about to commit to spending the rest of your life with, because you didn't want to "hear her mouth" and because she's the "jealous and possibly violent type".

Well alrighty then. I think it's time to start looking at photographers, and discussing the seating at your upcoming wedding.
In know, right?

What a nasty, disrespect way to talk about one's partner.
lifeistooshort is online now  
post #73 of 183 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 01:57 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 85
Re: Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone.....

Quote:
Originally Posted by lifeistooshort View Post
In know, right?

What a nasty, disrespect way to talk about one's partner.
I was wrong and I admit it. The lie about the plane ticket was last year. I told her immediately after we got the plane tickets because I felt bad and knew I was wrong. I called her and told her everything about the transaction, showed her the emails and even gave her the name and number of my friend that helped with the purchasing. Fiancee said, "she appreciated me telling her the truth without having to find out later, but still is hurt I lied to her by leaving out the detail of the female friend."

As I stated before we both went through a lot in the beginning of our relationship with stuff outside of us, but overall it was good. To answer another question: I don't know of anybody else (female) friend that she is jealous because I don't hang out with or talk to any women unless they are related or through necessity at work.
EHuntIMF is offline  
post #74 of 183 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 02:00 PM
Banned
 
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 1,456
Re: Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone.....

Quote:
Originally Posted by EHuntIMF View Post
As I stated before we both went through a lot in the beginning of our relationship with stuff outside of us, but overall it was good.
You went through a lot of lying and deception on both parts, in 2015 and in 2016 you were in couples counseling. How did that work out by the way? Did the therapist say "Ok we're all good here you can discontinue therapy and go live happy lives together" or did the two of you simply stop going because you either felt it wasn't productive or the copays were too expensive?

Either way, all this stuff went down as recently as less than 1 year ago. That's not in the past, that's like yesterday.
browser is offline  
post #75 of 183 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 02:03 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 85
Re: Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone.....

Quote:
Originally Posted by blueinbr View Post
And does she have reason to be comfortable with the others?

In other words, have you given her reason to be jealous?
I have not given her a reason to be jealous to the best of my knowledge. I don't talk to any women outside of work unless I am related, and at work is purely professional. I don't communicate with any female friends unless my Fiancee had known and met them, and any conversation I did had was in my fiancee's presence and on speaker phone. I try to avoid situations that even have a look of anything going on to make sure everything is on the up and up.

The plan ticket incident was no excuse for lying and I immediately confessed and showed everything related to it. Again, I am not making excuses for what I had done.
EHuntIMF is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Standard Evidence Post weightlifter Coping with Infidelity 272 02-08-2017 11:36 AM
That stupid phone . . . Piper502 General Relationship Discussion 28 06-27-2016 03:12 PM
I finally found out the truth of my wifes infidelity....Help PVman Coping with Infidelity 72 01-18-2016 12:33 AM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome