Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone..... - Page 6 - Talk About Marriage
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post #76 of 183 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 02:08 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone.....

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You went through a lot of lying and deception on both parts, in 2015 and in 2016 you were in couples counseling. How did that work out by the way? Did the therapist say "Ok we're all good here you can discontinue therapy and go live happy lives together" or did the two of you simply stop going because you either felt it wasn't productive or the copays were too expensive?

Either way, all this stuff went down as recently as less than 1 year ago. That's not in the past, that's like yesterday.
We are still in counseling individually and as a couple only about once a month. We actually went to about 2 other therapist before we settled with our current one. I am finishing up school (full time) and working so finding a consistent time slot for couple's counseling has been a challenge. I go to individual sessions in the morning before work, she goes in the evening, while I am at school. We are still going because we recognize that we still need help, however, my issue is that she didn't come forth with this information...I had to find that out on my own.

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post #77 of 183 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 02:09 PM
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Re: Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone.....

Why everybody so fixated on the tickets **** the tickets what about the text messages and all that stuff you haven't said one word about that because these idiots are all fixated on you lying like it's OK for her to cheat.

Spartans lay down your weapons.! "Persian come and get them"

Last edited by farsidejunky; 03-07-2017 at 03:53 PM. Reason: Filter bypass. First and only warning. Next infraction will be a ban.
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post #78 of 183 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 02:10 PM
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Re: Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone.....

Couples counseling and you're not even married?

Geez.

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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post #79 of 183 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 02:11 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone.....

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Why everybody so fixated on the tickets **** the tickets what about the text messages and all that stuff you haven't said one word about that because these idiots are all fixated on you lying like it's OK for her to cheat.
I am trying to be understanding where everyone is coming from is regards to the plane tickets....again I confessed immediately and showed everything to her.

I will not minimize the lying...it was wrong.

Last edited by MattMatt; 03-08-2017 at 07:03 AM.
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post #80 of 183 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 02:17 PM
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Re: Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone.....

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Couples counseling and you're not even married?

Geez.
Yes, that's a real concern. People don't always get along and it's not a bad thing to recognize there are problems and therapy might help find a solution,and maybe the relationship is worth trying to salvage but at some point you really gotta face the hard truth that it just might not be fixable and there are just too many red flags and strikes that the two parties at the very least might want to reconsider jumping into a lifelong commitment.

Especially given this recent bit of news, there is no logic and common sense involved in planning a wedding. These two aren't even remotely close to being able to have a reasonable shot at going the distance.
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post #81 of 183 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 02:18 PM
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Re: Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone.....

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Why everybody so fixated on the tickets **** the tickets what about the text messages and all that stuff you haven't said one word about that because these idiots are all fixated on you lying like it's OK for her to cheat.
Idiots? I would refrain from calling people names on here (including a moderator, btw). That can get you banned.

No, we are not fixated on the lying like it's ok for her to cheat. On the contrary, it gives an idea on the dynamic. It tells where his mind was, and is, and how it relates to her. This is, of course, in lieu of the lynch mob mentality.

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Last edited by MattMatt; 03-08-2017 at 07:03 AM.
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post #82 of 183 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 02:22 PM
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Re: Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone.....

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Why everybody so fixated on the tickets **** the tickets what about the text messages and all that stuff you haven't said one word about that because these idiots are all fixated on you lying like it's OK for her to cheat.
You sound upset.

Someone call the wambulance!


Last edited by MattMatt; 03-08-2017 at 07:04 AM.
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post #83 of 183 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 02:24 PM
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Re: Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone.....

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Why everybody so fixated on the tickets f.uck the tickets what about the text messages and all that stuff you haven't said one word about that because these idiots are all fixated on you lying like it's OK for her to cheat.
Idiots? I would refrain from calling people names on here (including a moderator, btw). That can get you banned.

No, we are not fixated on the lying like it's ok for her to cheat. On the contrary, it gives an idea on the dynamic. It tells where his mind was, and is, and how it relates to her. This is, of course, in lieu of the lynch mob mentality.

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Not to mention using the f word like that is a no no now.

People don't get a free pass to cheat just because their marriage sucks.

Our R
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post #84 of 183 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 02:26 PM
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Re: Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone.....

Take a step back and keep working on your own growth... speeding it up will only give you grief as you run past the things you need to pay attention to in the present.

Premarital counseling provides you wonderful awareness... in effect you are getting a shotgun approach to a version of it here.

Not every pellet hits... it's not designed to, but listen to the pellets that sting, those are the ones you need to focus on and heal remembering that scars are there to show that you survived what you did wrong in the past and to not do what injured yourself and others in the present, nor the future.

In the end, if you cannot trust another, you can trust nothing... and no marriage survives a lack of trust.

Not one...
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post #85 of 183 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 02:30 PM
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Re: Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone.....

I don't care about the tickets. I am certain if a female poster said what you did and came back with
I was scared of him she would have gotten a completely different reaction.

THIS IS WHY IT IS CALLED DATING AND NOT MARRIAGE.

You do not need to work thru this and quite frankly there is no bigger red flag than what you
have already gotten. You are not even married yet.

RUN FORREST RUN


PS....and her reaction to it all couldn't have been any worse.

When someone shows you who they are, be smart and believe them.


Last edited by ButtPunch; 03-07-2017 at 02:34 PM.
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post #86 of 183 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 02:34 PM
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Re: Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone.....

Having a relationship shouldn't be this difficult. Do both of you a favor and walk away, or you both need to grow up. As it stands, you both can do better.
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post #87 of 183 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 02:36 PM
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Re: Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone.....

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I have not given her a reason to be jealous to the best of my knowledge. I don't talk to any women outside of work unless I am related, and at work is purely professional. I don't communicate with any female friends unless my Fiancee had known and met them, and any conversation I did had was in my fiancee's presence and on speaker phone. I try to avoid situations that even have a look of anything going on to make sure everything is on the up and up.

The plan ticket incident was no excuse for lying and I immediately confessed and showed everything related to it. Again, I am not making excuses for what I had done.
reading this along with the violent jealous comment is very interesting.

I could be wrong here but it seems/sounds/reads like you are tip toeing around life just to keep peace with your F. It seems like every interaction you have you calculate and execute in such a way as to not piss off your F.

Are you constantly on egg shells with everything you do?

Of course lying is BS, and lying about tickets is straight up dumb. Doing this you actually enable her behavior. You allow her to treat you with jealously... then you alter your life to appease her.

whens it stop?
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post #88 of 183 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 02:38 PM
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Re: Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone.....

I apologize I don't mean you guys are idiots you're good people and I know this. I was getting frustrated reading his story. I just spent an hour whatever on the phone with Verizon over my bill or whatever so I guess I took it out on you guys I apologize...

Spartans lay down your weapons.! "Persian come and get them"
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post #89 of 183 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 02:42 PM
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Re: Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone.....

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I apologize I don't mean you guys are idiots you're good people and I know this. I was getting frustrated reading his story. I just spent an hour whatever on the phone with Verizon over my bill or whatever so I guess I took it out on you guys I apologize...
I have found it in my heart to forgive you.

Upon reading your post containing the word "idiots" and the word filter bypass, the moderators may not be so bighearted about letting you go for not one but two TOS violations in the same post.

Consider making rapid and effective use of the edit function.
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post #90 of 183 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 02:49 PM
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Re: Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone.....

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Yes, and there are also a lot of others here in the fraternity of brothers that stayed with the wife.

It is for OP to decide.

It's the same in every thread. The lynch mob comes out. Same members every time. Burn the witch. Laugh at any other posts that don't tow the party line.

Weeds don't grow on a well maintained lawn.
Somehow you equate people saying don't stay with a cheater to a lynch mob. Sounds very codependent in my book. People are allowed to have boundaries doesn't make them big bad meanies.
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