Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone..... - Page 7 - Talk About Marriage
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post #91 of 183 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 02:51 PM
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Re: Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone.....

Dang EMF

This isn't your first rodeo. Dump her and figure out what's wrong
with your picker.

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post #92 of 183 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 02:52 PM
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Re: Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone.....

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Originally Posted by EHuntIMF View Post
Basically I lied because I didn't want to hear her mouth about another woman getting me a discount on plane tickets for superbowl weekend. Fiance' always came off as the jealous (possible violent type) so I took a chance and lied. I was wrong. I admitted I was wrong and owned up to it.
If she is unreasonably jealous, and you feel she could be violent, I don't think you need to catch her cheating to know she's not the best choice in life mates.

Are you doing things to make her jealous? For example, do you have feelings for this girl who got you the discount that she picked up on? I personally would not be jealous of a female friend scoring my fiance a discount on tickets unless she was 1) going to the game with him, or 2) I sensed he had a little thing for her, or 3) I sensed she had a thing for him. But if I found out my BF lied about her role in things, that would make me suddenly very suspicious and jealous. It would not make me hook up with someone else, of course, or give me license to lie to my BF. However, it definitely would tell me how UNserious my BF was about our relationship, and if we hadn't explicitly committed to being exclusive at that time, I would feel I had every right to see other guys. After all, she's marrying age and if she wants to find a husband, and she feels jealous and insecure with the guy she's currently seeing, to whom she's NOT yet engaged, and he's lying to her about stupid things, she would be wise to shop around.
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post #93 of 183 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 03:00 PM
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Re: Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone.....

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Yes, and there are also a lot of others here in the fraternity of brothers that stayed with the wife.
Wife.

Not girlfriend.

Not fiancé.

Wife.

You fail the audition, you don't (or shouldn't) get the job.

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It is for OP to decide.
Well sure.

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It's the same in every thread. The lynch mob comes out. Same members every time. Burn the witch.
Geez.

Dumping != Burning

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Laugh at any other posts that don't tow the party line.
Some of them are pretty funny.

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A well-kept lawn won't keep a hoe at bay.


Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

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post #94 of 183 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 03:06 PM
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Re: Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone.....

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I am trying to be understanding where everyone is coming from is regards to the plane tickets....again I confessed immediately and showed everything to her.

I will not minimize the lying...it was wrong.
I can't explain anyone else's obsession, but for me it's just an "interesting detail" that may provide some insight into the relationship. It's not that your lie in any way outweighed her cheating.

People lie for different reasons. One reason is to hide a wrong so they can get away with it. Another is to avoid upsetting the other person. It sounds like you lied not because you felt it was wrong, but because your gut told you she would be upset regardless. That raises interesting questions:

1. Are you unwittingly behaving in a manner to make her jealous. (As opposed to she's just a jealous/insecure person.)
2. Do you want to be in a relationship where you are afraid to be honest about innocent things for fear of her reaction?

And I haven't read this entire thread yet but also what was the status of your relationship when she sent the texts. It sounds like you were not engaged, but obviously considered yourselves GF/BF. People date to find the right person, then they get engaged, then they get married. Before you are engaged, obviously it's going to hurt your GF/BF's feelings if you see someone else, but is that really cheating? I think the fact that we have sex so fast in our culture, and usually assume sexual fidelity, kind of screws up the "courting" period when a person can actually shop around to find the best fit in mates.
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post #95 of 183 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 03:31 PM
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Re: Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone.....

Different members here are prickly about different things.
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post #96 of 183 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 03:36 PM
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Re: Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone.....

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Why did you feel the need to lie about getting tickets?

I think that question needs to be answered.
Yeah...because getting lied to exonerates her from all responsibility.
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post #97 of 183 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 03:38 PM
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Re: Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone.....

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Yeah...because getting lied to exonerates her from all responsibility.
That is not what is being suggested or stated.
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post #98 of 183 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 03:39 PM
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Re: Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone.....

OP, ditch this gal. You shouldn't lie, but I totally understand what it's like to be with an entitled, controlling harpy like her. Been there done that.

She's a cheater and a gas lighter. Those reasons alone are enough to tell you that the two of you are a disaster waiting to happen. Walk away and never look back.

And quit lying about stupid ****!

Last edited by MattMatt; 03-08-2017 at 07:02 AM.
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post #99 of 183 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 03:57 PM
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Re: Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone.....

Speaking as a moderator:

A member has earned an infraction due to a filter bypass from a post on this thread.

Clean it up, folks.

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post #100 of 183 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 03:59 PM
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Re: Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone.....

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Yeah...because getting lied to exonerates her from all responsibility.
Oh, please, bandit. That isn't even close to what any of us were suggesting. We asked to see the circumstances behind the lying. Lying is bad, regardless, but if he had lied because there were feelings, either way, between him and his friend, that would absolutely give her cause to be pissed off. As it turns put, that is not the case and *gasp* those of us who asked are not harping on that part. Unfortunately, we get quoted in later parts of the thread because latecomers quote earlier posts before reading how it has gone. Happens all the time.

It does not exonerate any intention to cheat. Not in the slightest. And it's actually insulting that you believe we think that. The question was relevant. He stated that he "didn't want to hear her mouth". Yet, he also claims he had never given her any reason to be jealous... And doesn't have any OSF, in general, except this one. The tickets, themselves, are insignificant. The lying, however, is a different story. That whole scenario shows that he really is not in the frame of mind to get married again. Her texts also show she is not ready, either. It doesn't exonerate her, though. And none of us has even hinted that it does.

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post #101 of 183 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 03:59 PM
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Re: Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone.....

Neither of you are ready for marriage. You both lied. Im not saying yours equals hers: your lie pales in comparison but it's still a lie.
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post #102 of 183 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 04:02 PM
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Re: Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone.....

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Oh, please, bandit. That isn't even close to what any of us were suggesting. We asked to see the circumstances behind the lying. Lying is bad, regardless, but if he had lied because there were feelings, either way, between him and his friend, that would absolutely give her cause to be pissed off. As it turns put, that is not the case and *gasp* those of us who asked are not harping on that part. Unfortunately, we get quoted in later parts of the thread because latecomers quote earlier posts before reading how it has gone. Happens all the time.

It does not exonerate any intention to cheat. Not in the slightest. And it's actually insulting that you believe we think that. The question was relevant. He stated that he "didn't want to hear her mouth". Yet, he also claims he had never given her any reason to be jealous... And doesn't have any OSF, in general, except this one. The tickets, themselves, are insignificant. The lying, however, is a different story. That whole scenario shows that he really is not in the frame of mind to get married again. Her texts also show she is not ready, either. It doesn't exonerate her, though. And none of us has even hinted that it does.

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He needs to quit his lying. She needs to quit her duplicity and sneaking around like a rat....

They both need to grow up and break up. Neither of them is mature enough for marriage.

Last edited by bandit.45; 03-07-2017 at 04:36 PM.
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post #103 of 183 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 04:04 PM
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Re: Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone.....

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Neither of you are ready for marriage. You both lied. Im not saying yours equals hers: your lie pales in comparison but it's still a lie.
People who lie to their relationship partners shouldn't get married?

If that was the case and everyone did that, just about every catering hall would be out of business by now.
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post #104 of 183 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 04:07 PM
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Re: Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone.....

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People who lie to their relationship partners shouldn't get married?
Nope.
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post #105 of 183 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 04:08 PM
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Re: Found explicit text messages in fiance's old phone.....

Who knew?
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