UGH!
Ok....I will make this quick, I know I need some wisdom and guidance because my head is spinning between what I saw and what she is telling me.
quick summary: GF(35) and I(36) have been together around 3 years. I asked her to marry me on New Years this year. Well I helped her move into her new apartment this weekend and during the move I found her old phone.
I admit it...I looked. Can't explain it, just a familiar feeling came back to me from my days of being with the ex-wife.
The phone was her old phone that she used before upgrading to her current phone which goes back to November 2015. I found that she was texting 3 others guys during Sept. 2015 and 1 of the guys was an ex that she said," Had a really strong hold on me..."
The text messages between her and the ex were very explicit and it appeared that she was planning on meeting up with him. Long story short, the only reason it appears that the meeting didn't happen was because I feel asleep on her couch that night. Apparently they were going to meet up when I left, but I didn't.
I confronted her with the phone (I made screenshots on her phone and transferred the screenshots to mine as back-up....she doesn't know). She begins to try and see what I know about what's in the phone, but I just sit and stare at her in silence, waiting for her answers. She finally begins to say that she doesn't remember what was in the text and then she refuses to look at the messages saying, "I am not going to do this right now." (phone was unlocked)
She then starts to telling me the reason that she did communicate with the Ex....she said that I hurt her when I lied to her about the plane tickets.
BACKGROUND- I lied about a female friend getting my cousin and I last minute plane tickets for a Superbowl party. I told her we got the tickets through my cousin's military discount (lie) and he was paying for both of our tickets (True)
She also stated that we were in a bad place then, and she was doing it to get attention since I was so busy, but that was 2015 and she is concentrating on 2017. She was different person over a year ago, and that I am the only man she wants to be with. I call her on the fact, that if the situation was reversed; we wouldn't even be having a conversation because she would be to busy trying to pull the knife out of my chest. (Her dad cheated on her mom and she described that as a deal breaker, with lying being a strong #2) {A dealbreaker for me because of my ex-wife}
Background- 2015 was a rough year for us. We both went through several deaths in 2014 (6 for her, including her mom to cancer & 3 for me [cousin, and friends]) and we actually was in couples counseling in 2016 for all the issues we had (arguments, accusations, etc..)
Basically I feel lost and unsure what to do, because a part of me wants to believe her and believe it was for attention and try to move forward since we are in a good place right now. BUT I am torn because the messages basically said that the only reason they didn't hook up was because I was acting "like a F%&kin guard dog", by sleeping on her couch. The messages were from 2015, and I don't know what is on her phone now.
I am halfway to just calling it quits because I don';t want to put up with this from anyone else.....Am I being gaslighted here to make me feel sympathy for her?
I don't plan on talking to her today to get my head straight....
Need help... thanks in advance
Ok....I will make this quick, I know I need some wisdom and guidance because my head is spinning between what I saw and what she is telling me.
quick summary: GF(35) and I(36) have been together around 3 years. I asked her to marry me on New Years this year. Well I helped her move into her new apartment this weekend and during the move I found her old phone.
I admit it...I looked. Can't explain it, just a familiar feeling came back to me from my days of being with the ex-wife.
The phone was her old phone that she used before upgrading to her current phone which goes back to November 2015. I found that she was texting 3 others guys during Sept. 2015 and 1 of the guys was an ex that she said," Had a really strong hold on me..."
The text messages between her and the ex were very explicit and it appeared that she was planning on meeting up with him. Long story short, the only reason it appears that the meeting didn't happen was because I feel asleep on her couch that night. Apparently they were going to meet up when I left, but I didn't.
I confronted her with the phone (I made screenshots on her phone and transferred the screenshots to mine as back-up....she doesn't know). She begins to try and see what I know about what's in the phone, but I just sit and stare at her in silence, waiting for her answers. She finally begins to say that she doesn't remember what was in the text and then she refuses to look at the messages saying, "I am not going to do this right now." (phone was unlocked)
She then starts to telling me the reason that she did communicate with the Ex....she said that I hurt her when I lied to her about the plane tickets.
BACKGROUND- I lied about a female friend getting my cousin and I last minute plane tickets for a Superbowl party. I told her we got the tickets through my cousin's military discount (lie) and he was paying for both of our tickets (True)
She also stated that we were in a bad place then, and she was doing it to get attention since I was so busy, but that was 2015 and she is concentrating on 2017. She was different person over a year ago, and that I am the only man she wants to be with. I call her on the fact, that if the situation was reversed; we wouldn't even be having a conversation because she would be to busy trying to pull the knife out of my chest. (Her dad cheated on her mom and she described that as a deal breaker, with lying being a strong #2) {A dealbreaker for me because of my ex-wife}
Background- 2015 was a rough year for us. We both went through several deaths in 2014 (6 for her, including her mom to cancer & 3 for me [cousin, and friends]) and we actually was in couples counseling in 2016 for all the issues we had (arguments, accusations, etc..)
Basically I feel lost and unsure what to do, because a part of me wants to believe her and believe it was for attention and try to move forward since we are in a good place right now. BUT I am torn because the messages basically said that the only reason they didn't hook up was because I was acting "like a F%&kin guard dog", by sleeping on her couch. The messages were from 2015, and I don't know what is on her phone now.
I am halfway to just calling it quits because I don';t want to put up with this from anyone else.....Am I being gaslighted here to make me feel sympathy for her?
I don't plan on talking to her today to get my head straight....
Need help... thanks in advance