red flags everywhere or am I crazy? - Page 11 - Talk About Marriage
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post #151 of 158 (permalink) Old 04-19-2017, 12:30 PM Thread Starter
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One of her old coworkers that worked there when they worked together still works there. Maybe I should take him aside and ask him what he saw between the two of them. I already kind of talked to him he said the dude was fired for not showing up all the time.

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post #152 of 158 (permalink) Old 04-19-2017, 05:36 PM
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Re: red flags everywhere or am I crazy?

Run a deleted text recovery on her phone.
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post #153 of 158 (permalink) Old 04-19-2017, 06:10 PM
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Re: red flags everywhere or am I crazy?

She cheated on every guy she was with. She says trust her. Why? She's been nothing but deceitful.

You have found constant talking before and after work. They went out on lunch dates. They had lots of sex.
She's giving you an ultimatum. Shut the hell up or I'll divorce you, basically.

She's a liar. What are you going to do?

Nothing. That's what. But own it.
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post #154 of 158 (permalink) Old 04-19-2017, 07:42 PM
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Re: red flags everywhere or am I crazy?

Man with boundaries to his wife. "I have a boundary circle around our marriage and relationship. Within that circle you have my trust, care, love, and support. I am at peace with my circle and it wont change. If you step out of the circle into what I consider risky or inappropriate behavior, you are on your own. Doing so will change the way I see you and that will change the fundamentals of our relationship. Do not come crying to me when the consequences of your actions bring your life crashing down around your ears."

"and do not ask me to "trust" you when you are out there, that is a magnitude of disregard and disrespect that is intolerable to me."

YAMT to his wife, "the actions I have uncovered are already outside that circle, I already see you differently now. Unless you take some timely action, (Honesty, openness, forthrightness) nothing will ever be the same for me."

Then you must act!
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post #155 of 158 (permalink) Old 04-20-2017, 07:15 AM
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Re: red flags everywhere or am I crazy?

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Originally Posted by youaremetoo View Post
One of her old coworkers that worked there when they worked together still works there. Maybe I should take him aside and ask him what he saw between the two of them. I already kind of talked to him he said the dude was fired for not showing up all the time.
It's not worth doing this. Do not take risks for information that probably will not be valuable. You don't know if this guy has incentive to lie (either because he doesn't like one or both, or because it's easier to go through life not saying anything) or if he'll run to your wife or this dude.

There are other methods at your disposal that you are not using. One is recovering deleted texts from her phone.

----
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post #156 of 158 (permalink) Old 04-20-2017, 08:51 AM
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Re: red flags everywhere or am I crazy?

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My wife says I should just trust what she says that nothing ever happened and that I should have never looked any further into it. She says that's what she would have done if this situation was reversed. I know trust is important, but this situation seems a little off to me. This is my first relationship so maybe I'm not being too trusting. She says her and the dude only talked about work stuff on phones before and after work and that they'd get each other breakfast too when they worked together. My friend says I'm just jealous and I should go to my own therapist, which I am going to now. I am not going to that marriage therapist anymore as she does nothing for us. She says she didn't want to discuss the situation any further because my wife might leave me.

So, if your wife loves you, why might she leave you if the two of you talk about what happened?

Your wife is trying to sweep this under the rug. She is lying her azz off to you. She would be doing everything to fix this instead of telling you to get over it, its in the past.

If she is willing to leave because she had a PA with the OM, show her the door.
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post #157 of 158 (permalink) Old 04-20-2017, 11:43 AM Thread Starter
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Re: red flags everywhere or am I crazy?

So yeah. Now she says their probably were some personal conversations....because logic would say so. But she swears nothing innappropriate. She can't remember conversations though cuz it wasn't important and it was 6 years ago that they worked together. She has called her best friend the one that told her to block him on FB a few times to tell me how it was when they all worked there together and that she doesn't think my wife did anything with this guy. But this girl keeps telling us that he was a creepy stalker who would show up to her house and other places that she would go to. I don't know why my wife keeps calling this friend to try and assure me nothing happened when everytime we talk to her she just throws out how crazy creepy this dude is. So why did my wife have zero issues with this dude, not tell me anything about him, try to get another job with or near him, and finally give him our address when he calls? Lots of weird stuff.
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post #158 of 158 (permalink) Old 04-20-2017, 12:03 PM
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Re: red flags everywhere or am I crazy?

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So yeah. Now she says their probably were some personal conversations....because logic would say so. But she swears nothing innappropriate. She can't remember conversations though cuz it wasn't important and it was 6 years ago that they worked together. She has called her best friend the one that told her to block him on FB a few times to tell me how it was when they all worked there together and that she doesn't think my wife did anything with this guy. But this girl keeps telling us that he was a creepy stalker who would show up to her house and other places that she would go to. I don't know why my wife keeps calling this friend to try and assure me nothing happened when everytime we talk to her she just throws out how crazy creepy this dude is. So why did my wife have zero issues with this dude, not tell me anything about him, try to get another job with or near him, and finally give him our address when he calls? Lots of weird stuff.

the only weird thing is that you have been going through this for 6 weeks and still you refuse to risk it all to find the truth when deep down inside you know what happened.

It's your life, dude, not mine but I couldn't go on in this marriage with such uncertainty.

What is your gameplan ? What is your path forward ?

Do you even have one ?
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